Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Kit
I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours thinking I made a huge mistake. Pacing my living room. The airport. Fuck, even this long hallway after I realized the woman at the registration desk knew Tess. And why wouldn’t she? It’s not like Tess has been coming here for God knows how many years or anything.
I’ve had ample time to stew over my bad decisions. To wonder what in the hell I was thinking, being so confident as to show up here without a single word shared between us since that night last July.
But that all disappears when I lay eyes on her beautiful face.
It doesn’t matter that she’s clearly upset. It should, but I’m too damn excited.
Ten months is a long time. Enough to wonder if I imagined what we shared. Enough to question every word, every touch, until I’ve dissected it into nothing more than a bunch of coincidences. But this… this relief that washes over me the minute I see her. That cannot be a coincidence. Even if I don’t know what the hell to make of it.
Because this desire, these feelings… they’re the opposite of everything I’ve said I want. No attachments, right? That’s how I avoid a repeat of my failed marriage and all the pain that came as a result. But one look at Tess and I can’t help it. Regardless of the red flags waving in my mind, I want to see this through.
She does, too, even if she won’t admit it. She may be scowling, but I’ve been trained to read every impulse. Every hint that someone is faltering. And in that millisecond after I opened my door, before her walls could go up, I saw it. Just as I felt it.
Relief.
“Hello? Earth to Kit.” She jabs a pointed nail into my chest. “Did you hear what I said? You have to leave.”
“Sorry, the jet lag must have affected my hearing,” I say, dramatically digging a knuckle into my right ear canal. “Could you repeat it one more time?”
I’m goading her, and I know it. But a part of me can’t resist. The part that loves how she looks all hot and bothered. Emphasis on bothered. She narrows her eyes, not honoring me with a response. I rest a hip against the doorframe, a sly grin stretching my lips north even as hers curve due south. At least if she’s irritated, she can’t be whatever it is that I keep catching glimpses of when she forgets she’s putting on a performance. Scared? Hurting? Two things I don’t know how to fix.
But an angry woman is my specialty.
“I know you heard me,” she says flatly.
Okay, so she’s not in the mood for banter. “You do recall that you’re the one who invited me in the first place, right?”
Her arms cross. I doubt she knows it pushes her cleavage into view. I drag my gaze from her chest back to her face, which is painted red with agitation. She huffs a breath, and it’s a bit like watching a golden retriever prepare to fight. She’s cute when she’s mad, and although I’m sure she could kill me, I also know that she won’t.
“I’m sorry, regardless of how much of a cocky bastard you are, there is no way you thought that showing up without a single text or call ahead of time would be received warmly, ” she bites out.
Point made. “I certainly didn’t think it’d be received this poorly, either.”
Her arms fly wide, then slap against her hips. “You have to go, Kit. You can’t be here.”
“Why not? Is your boyfriend on his way?” It’s a cheap, immature shot. One I’ll be cringing over later. But it’s out now. No reeling it back in. Best to just own it.
She deflates into herself, the corners of her eyes crinkling slightly. “No. I just… can’t do this. Not here. Not with you.”
Sadness coats her words. Never mind I don’t know what this is; I desperately want to find out just so I can take that feeling away from her. It’s dangerous territory, a landscape I recognize only after I’ve blown past the warning sign. The last time I cared this much about a woman’s feelings, I’m the one who ended up broken.
I stand up straight and measure the space between us with an upturned palm. “Clearly we get along. What’s so bad about spending this vacation with me? Or, worst-case scenario, on the same property as me. Surely you can avoid me if you want to that badly.”
Please don’t want to.
We’re standing so close I could reach out and brush the stray wave from her face. She’s wearing a flowy white tank top, and I can see that she’s covered in goose bumps despite the heat. She hides so much of what she’s feeling behind her facades. First the vivaciousness in Colorado, and now frantic irritation. I’m so tempted to touch her. To read her thoughts like they’re written in Braille on her flushed skin. I curl my fingers into a fist, knowing better than to give in to that particular inclination.
“Not possible,” comes out in a pained whisper. She punctuates it with a wince.
Something like hope springs up in my chest. Perhaps staying away is as hard for her as it is for me. “And why not?”
She stares at me for so long I’m afraid she may never answer. Finally, with a heavy sigh, she jabs a thumb over her shoulder. “Because that’s my room.”
My gaze lands on the golden plaque mounted next to the door perpendicular to mine. The Marilyn Suite. I noticed it last night. Briefly considered how much better the view must be, with mine facing the pool deck and that one seemingly angled toward the ocean. Then I promptly forgot about it as I downed five beers and tried to imagine how this reunion would go.
Safe to say, this wasn’t one of my favored scenarios. Cocky as I am, I do have enough self-awareness to feel a stab of guilt that I’ve invaded her space this thoroughly. “Shit. I’m sorry, Tess.”
She softens at the sound of her name. Almost imperceptibly, if I weren’t already so attuned to her body language. Her shoulders slump. Cheekbones lose their tension. She sucks in her plump bottom lip and bites down, sending stars across my vision.
“I can ask to be moved? I’m sure they have other rooms open.” The place hasn’t seemed that busy. I remember her mentioning school gets out in a few weeks, so I imagine the crowds really ramp up then.
She shakes her head softly. I want to be the hair dusting her shoulders. A ridiculous thought, but I feel it in my very core.
What the hell is this woman doing to me?
“I can’t do this with you.” Her voice is low, but not so much that I can’t hear it breaking.
The air around us shifts. In an instant it goes from electric to something heavier. I want to fold her into my chest. Hold her till whatever is fracturing that confident exterior of hers is gone for good.
“Do what?” I say, but what I really mean is, Let me in. I’d settle for a fraction of the honesty we shared in my car that night in Loveless. An ounce of the vulnerability.
As though she realizes she’s slipping, she sucks in a breath and squares her shoulders. Her cheeks are still flushed, but her green eyes are bright. Glistening, like she’s blinked back a few tears she refuses to cry.
She’s retreating, and I suddenly, desperately want to bring her back out before she disappears from sight.
“I came to see you, you know.”
Her lips part. Close. Then, “When?”
“That next morning, after…” I let my voice trail off, but I can tell she remembers our kiss. Her chest crests and falls on rapid breaths. That pretty blush spreads down her throat. I want to trace its path with my tongue, but I settle for trailing it with my gaze. “I went to the inn. You didn’t answer the door, and I was…concerned. So I checked with the front office. Marcy said you’d checked out just thirty minutes prior.”
The owner had looked at me like I’d grown a second head when I asked where Tess was. Then, when the realization dawned, she’d smiled ear to ear.
“Then I drove to Gary’s place, but you’d already left with Zo for the airport.”
If I thought Marcy was perplexed by my motives, Tess’s uncle was downright suspicious.
Tess clears her throat, her delicate hand landing there like it might assist her somehow. Her familiar stack of rings glitters in the hall light. “Why?”
“Because I couldn’t not.” It’s the simplest explanation in the world, but the only one I have.
Just like I couldn’t not get on that plane yesterday. Whether I understand it or, quite frankly, want to feel it, where Tess is concerned, my actions are more impulse than conscious thought.
A wrinkle forms between her brows. “Gary never mentioned it.”
I chuckle miserably. “Yeah, well, that’s probably because he essentially told me to fuck off. Said things were tough for you right now, and the last thing you needed in your life was someone like me.”
It’d hurt, but I couldn’t exactly argue. Not when all he’d ever seen from me was mindless flirtation and brief situationships that ended as quickly as they began. I couldn’t tell him how I felt for Tess was different. Not when I could hardly admit it to myself, much less decide what different meant in the long run for either of us.
He’ll be none too pleased when Tomas reveals where I’ve run off to.
Tess grabs her suitcase handle and uses her other hand to retrieve a key packet from her pants pocket. Her expression has gone blank. All that heat, all that life has been locked away. She turns, crosses the hall, and reaches for the door to her room. The small keypad beeps and the latch groans. In seconds she’s pushing it open, and the blue-white light of the sky floods the hall from the balcony windows I catch a glimpse of on the far end of the suite.
“Tess—”
She glances over the sharp right angle of her shoulder. “You should’ve listened to him, Kit.”
With that, she lets the door fall closed.
You should’ve stayed gone. A different voice, echoing through the years. I can’t help but fear my ex-wife was right even then.
I stumble back into my room. The door shuts with a resounding thud. Through the gap in my balcony door, laughter trickles up from the pool. I pull it open wider and slip outside. Wet heat coats my skin in a matter of seconds. I brace my elbows on the white-painted railing and hang my head.
What am I doing here? Did I think I’d just show up and Tess would be overjoyed? That we’d romp in the sunshine for the next two weeks and then she’d finally be out of my system and I could move on?
She deserves better than that. And I’m an idiot if I thought that’s how this would work.
Something about Tess makes me lose all sense of reality. I’m not this person. Not anymore, at least. The last flight I got on for a woman, I arrived home just to find her in bed with someone else. It damn near ruined me. I swore right then that I’d never let my heart lead the way again.
And yet, here I am.
Courtney was nothing like Tess, I quickly remind myself. She was selfish. Conniving. She wanted a comfortable life at home, everything she could ever want provided, and not much else. Not from me anyway. From every other airman on base? Well, that was another story.
But I was young and thought myself in love, and the rest was a blur of wedding bells and, when I joined the Air Force, long periods of me being away. She thrived when I was gone, unlike the other airmen’s wives. I prided myself on choosing an independent woman. Boy, was I an idiot.
Before I can fall too far into the canon of my own misery, my phone buzzes. I retrieve it from my back pocket, half hoping that a certain blonde has decided to change her mind.
My father’s name appears, followed by a grainy picture of his thumb and, in the background, a largemouth bass. He’s sent it in a group chat with me and my brother that only the two of us ever participate in, but you can’t blame the man for trying.
Dad
Set a personal record today with this guy!
Me
That’s impressive, Pops. Looks like you’re eating good tonight.
Dad
If you hop on a plane right now, I can have him ready in time for a late dinner. Gage is coming by too!
My chest tightens its vise grip on my lungs. I swallow hard, willing the emotion back from whence it came. I’ll have to text Gage separately, to warn him not to hit them up for money. I groan inwardly. How did this become our life?
Me
Not tonight, but soon. I miss you guys.
Dad
Sounds good, son. We miss you more.
I can read between the lines of his text. He’s as close to believing my promise as I am to meaning it.
In a new thread, I fire off a message to my brother. Within seconds he reacts with a thumbs-up. So he is by his phone, he just can’t be bothered to acknowledge our parents unless they’re offering a free meal.
A minute later my phone vibrates again.
Gage
Can you spot me for some groceries? Between jobs right now and money is tight.
Me
When are you not between jobs?
Gage
You’re a fucking prick, you know that?
Apparently no one ever taught my brother about catching more bees with honey.
After I’ve sent the money, I turn back to the room, toss my phone onto the bed, and retrieve my wallet from the neat pile of keys, wallet, and book to read that I left on the desk. Some autobiography of a veteran that I’ll leaf through before dozing off tonight, and every night until I eventually give up and add it to the shelf of would-be-reads in my room back home. All the lives I should be learning from but am sleeping through instead.
With my hand on the door, I hesitate. What if I run into Tess in the hallway? Or worse, what if I don’t?
I shake my head and yank the handle. The hallway is empty, much to my relief. And disappointment.
I’m well and truly fucked.
So I do what anyone would in my situation. I take the long hallway in quick strides, then bear right and continue past the elevator bay, to the restaurant at the other end of the floor and, beyond it, a rooftop bar.
If I’m going to be this close to Tess, yet unable to touch her, I’ll be damned if I’m not soothing the ache with a drink, umbrella not required but appreciated.