Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Kit
I’m quickly redirected to Nomads by Tomas’s concerned-looking wife, who answered their door without so much as a question as to why I was frantically knocking at my boss’s house acting like I was the one running from the law. At the bar, I parallel park in a miracle of a space in the street right out front. It’s Friday night, and the place is rightfully slammed. I pause just outside the door, listening to the thrum of music and blending voices as I steel myself. I haven’t so much as gone to the bathroom since I made it back to Loveless—I have no clue how I even look. Though based on the flash of worry in Tomas’s eyes as I approach once inside, I’m betting on pretty damn disheveled.
“Rookie.” He nods. “Wasn’t planning on seeing you till tomorrow.” His normally gruff voice is softened at the edges. A line has formed between his dark brows. I feel him taking my measure, so I forcibly school my expression into one of cool indifference. The one I normally reserve for interrogations.
Gary appears from behind Tomas, leaning back in his barstool to lay eyes on me. “Look what the cat dragged in. The silver-tongued snake who seduced my niece!” He cackles at his own joke, clasping his heart with an open palm as he shakes with laughter.
Thankfully Zoey’s not on bar duty tonight. It’s one of the newer bartenders who doesn’t yet recognize us well enough to insert herself into our business. She’s busy chatting with a couple seated at the far end of the counter, not sparing us a glance even after Gary’s outburst. A small blessing, but a welcome one nonetheless.
The truth is, I’ve been teetering on an edge this entire week, and with everything that’s happened this evening, the mention of Tess is enough to tip me over into outright despair. She never responded to my text. Not that I expected her to, exactly, but it was a further reminder that she’s not here with me. That whatever we had is on pause, perhaps indefinitely, and I can’t wait around for her soft touch or a disarming kiss to save me from this hell of my own making.
I try to smile at Gary. Really, I do. But my face, my entire body feels like it’s made of stone. I could collapse into a heap right here and sleep for days. Maybe by the time I woke, this would all have worked itself out, and I’d be spared from a decision that feels impossible to make.
“I—” I start, but my voice cracks and falters. I wet my lips. Tomas elbows his friend, pinning him with a look that I can’t see from where I stand. Whatever it is, it wipes the grin right off Gary’s face.
“Sorry, boy,” Gary says. “She’s a hard one to leave, huh?”
You have no idea, I want to say. I dig a Sperry-clad toe into the wooden floor. “Have you heard from her?”
His bushy gray eyebrows lift. “Have you not?”
I shake my head. It’s short. Quick. Heartbreaking enough to admit. I’m not trying to drag things out.
Gary’s eyes are a shade of blue so light they might as well be silver. Understanding fills them. Crinkles form at the edges as he winces and nods. “She’ll come around. You just gotta give her time.”
Tomas clears his throat, drawing both our attention. He quirks a brow. “That’s not why you’re here looking like someone pissed in your cornflakes, though, is it?”
Leave it to him to cut to the chase. I glance around at the crowd, finally spotting Zoey chatting with a booth full of regulars. She catches my gaze and narrows her eyes, but I shrug off her attention. I can tell she wants to pry, but her hospitable spirit won’t let her break away from the conversation.
The bar is far too crowded, and my nerves too raw, to get into this here.
“Can we talk outside, actually?”
Without hesitation, Tomas hoists himself off his barstool, straightening a T-shirt representing a soccer team I don’t recognize, and gestures to the door. “After you.”
By the time we’re disappearing through the entryway, Zoey has rejoined Gary at the bar, and they speak with heads lowered and eyes darting in our direction.
The night is cool and damp. I hadn’t noticed before that it was raining. Nothing like the storms in Florida that Tess and I endured, ones you couldn’t possibly ignore. But the sidewalks cradle puddles of water that reflect back the streetlamps that line downtown Loveless. The soft pitter-patter of wayward drops falling from storefront awnings supplements the sounds of a busy Friday evening. Tomas takes one look around and gestures for my vehicle. “If you want privacy, that’s the only place you’re getting it.”
I grunt my agreement. We duck into the SUV, and I crank it enough to turn on the heat, which feels like sacrilege in the dead of summer, but my muscles need the encouragement to relax. The familiar surroundings of my dark patrol car and a muted Loveless hustling past just outside the tinted windows helps quiet my tumultuous thoughts. It helps that Tomas doesn’t push. It’s part of what makes him such a good sheriff. He knows when to shut up and wait. His level of patience makes me look like an overstimulated toddler by comparison.
Until it’s my secret in need of keeping. Suffice to say, for that, I can hold out with the best of them.
My hands thaw out first. Probably because I’m wringing them together like sodden rags. “Remember when I said it was family stuff keeping me longer?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t… I know I don’t really talk about them much. My family.” My insides feel like they’ve been turned on their heads. Any second I’m going to spill my guts right here in this car. Either figuratively or literally. Neither will be pretty. “I have a younger brother.”
Tomas’s eyes glint in the dark. I can feel their weight on my skin. Not pressing but not relenting either. He doesn’t say a word.
“Gage is… troubled, I guess you’d say.” What am I doing? My brother is a fucking drug addict. Have I never said those words aloud? Surely I have. So why does it feel so impossible now?
Probably because it, like so much else, feels as though it’s my fault. No matter what my parents say. I may not have handed him the drugs, but have I not enabled him by giving him a safe place to hide? Have I not thrown money at the problem and pretended that it had any real chance of solving it?
It’s Gage’s addiction, Gage’s life. So why does it feel so intertwined with my own?
Tomas finally decides to take mercy on me. “Your brother had some minor drug charges a few years back. I’m guessing things have escalated?”
I open my mouth to ask, but he cuts me off.
“Background check, my friend. We don’t just look you up when you apply. Gotta research the whole family tree.”
Of course. I knew that, at least in theory. And here I’d thought I was hiding things so well. Turns out, I had no real reason to after all. Not from Tomas, anyway.
“Escalated is putting it lightly,” I say, clearing my throat. “In the past two weeks he’s been arrested for possession with intent to sell and then, after I posted bail, he was involved in a hit-and-run that left a woman and her son badly injured. Then he abandoned the vehicle—which was stolen, mind you—and caught a bus to Colorado. And not just anywhere in Colorado. My front fucking door.” I tick each offense off on my fingers, then gather them into a fist that I slam against the steering wheel with a dull thud.
Tomas’s jaw flexes, and his eyelids shutter briefly. I’ve seen the expression a thousand times. He’s working something out in his brain, and it’s best to just leave the man to it. Any attempt to hurry him along will only drag out the process further.
Finally he tilts his head toward me with an expression so morose I’m already bracing for the blow before he delivers it.
“I’ll admit I’m not super up-to-date on Mississippi-specific laws, but Kit, I don’t have to tell you this is bad. Really bad. We’re talking five to twenty years for the hit-and-run alone. That’s not even taking into consideration all the other shit you just listed.”
I swallow a lump that feels laced with needles. It scrapes my throat the entire way down. My nod turns into violent thrashing that only ends when I slam my head against the headrest and let out a frustrated sound that’s more akin to an animalistic howl of desperation.
“I am trying so hard, Tomas. I’m trying to do the right thing by my family and by Tess and now by the damn law, and I just feel like I’m failing everyone.”
The rain falls in earnest now, pouring in thick rivulets down my windshield. I stare at it to keep from falling completely apart. I’d give anything in the world to draw in the familiar smell of sugar and sunshine with my next breath. To look over and find a wide green gaze waiting for me without judgment, without expectation.
But all that awaits me in my passenger seat is Tomas, tawny skin pulled taut over a sympathetic frown. His firm grip encircles my bicep and squeezes. “Something tells me none of those people would want you feeling like this on their behalf, man.” He chuckles dryly. “Well, except maybe the law, because that’s one uncaring bastard. But your family… Tess…” He clicks his tongue, then leaves me to fill in the rest.
The thing is, I know he’s right. My parents have said as much. And Tess, having experienced what it is to feel like a burden on others for years, wanted me to see her as absolutely anything else. But it comes as natural to me as breathing, this need to care for everyone else. Like a function my body never had to be taught. Turn air into oxygen for my blood to keep on pumping. Take every problem and place it on my shoulders so that the ones I love can stand a little straighter while I bear the weight.
“What happens when we call?” I ask quietly. Even saying when, not if, feels like a small step in the right direction. I swear I breathe easier once it’s out.
Tomas’s expression softens. “Depends on how they want to handle things. Usually we’d arrest and hold him, and they’d send their guys after an order for extradition has been approved.”
My lips form a grim line. I nod. “Can I please ask a favor?”
“Anything, Rookie.”
“I need to go home and make sure he stays put. If he even suspects I’ve ratted him out, there’s no telling where he’ll run. I’ve got to talk to my parents and let them know what’s happening. There’s a big difference between knowing what your kid has done, and facing the reality of the consequences of turning them in. I need to prepare them as best I can.” My gaze cuts to Tomas’s and I grimace. “When the time comes, I’ll be the one to bring him in. But Tomas, I think I need you to make the call.”
Tomas nods, expression filled with understanding. “Of course I can call, Kit. And I can be there for the arrest, too, if you want. You shouldn’t have to put yourself through that?—”
“I’m his big brother,” I interject. “It’s my responsibility to take care of him. And even though he can’t see it, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing. What I should’ve done a long time ago.”
He holds my gaze for a long time without blinking. I hope he sees the truth there. That I’m terrified but determined. That I’m learning to let go, little by little, even if it kills me.
Finally a grim smile tugs at his mouth. “Whatever you need. I’m here for you, man.” He reaches for the door but pauses. “Send over what you have for contacts down there, if any. I’ll give them a call tonight. You go do what it is you do best: take care of your people. It’s what makes you such a damn good deputy and an even better friend.”
He leaves me alone in the silence of the cab, listening only to the spitting rain and my own heartbeat. There’s so much to do: I need to call my parents. I need to actually get dinner. As trusting as Gage is, coming home empty-handed would be egregious even for him. But for a moment I hesitate. I forget everything I need to do and focus on the only thing I want more than my next breath.
I pull up Tess’s contact and, ignoring my last unanswered message to her, fire off another without hesitation. I stare at it for a long time, imagining her in some house I’ve never seen in a small town a lot like my home, smiling down at the joke.
Me
I don’t know about you, but I could really go for one of Alex’s daiquiris right about now.
Then I lock the phone and pull out of my spot.