Lost in Wonderland
3
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When we arrived Ifedayo’s, I wouldn’t say I panicked, but for a moment, I was concerned about sharing his living space with just him. I almost dialed Special to admit he was right. In my excitement of staying in Dublin city with Ifedayo before heading to my place, our living arrangement didn’t cross my mind. It’s been years since I last saw Ifedayo, and there’s no doubt he’s not the same person I knew growing up. He could be a completely different individual now, maybe even someone involved in organ trafficking. The thought of waking up with a missing kidney or liver had me biting my lips and nodding my head with plans of how to escape as he showed me around his space. It wasn’t until I heard her voice that my fears began to dissipate.
She is the loveliest, his fiancé who he calls his babe, they actually live together. Adding to the excitement of my stay is the fact that his fiancée's younger sister, Itohan, is also beginning a session at Charleston College. What an amazing coincidence !
An interesting fact about Itohan is that back when we were teenagers, she used to attend my church, albeit a different branch. We crossed paths once during a regional choir practice. She’s one of those friends you make during your teenage years, only to lose contact with over time.
I learn more details about Ifedayo as well. He works with one of the big tech companies here. I jokingly suggest he should refer me before my program ends. His response? He often does that, so it won’t be a problem. If this isn’t God ordering my step, I don’t know who else. We all went clubbing as Ifedayo promised, and you won’t believe who I met?
The customs officer!
I tried to avoid him. But one thing led to another, our eyes met accidentally. He walked over, and we spoke briefly. He seemed different without his uniform. Hmm… more humane? He asked for my digits, but I said no. That’s all there was to it.
After my three-day stay at Ifedayo’s, I moved into the house I had rented sight unseen back in Nigeria.
*****
A few weeks into my master’s program, I’m starting to see why Ifedayo suggested I hang out with him and his friends at the pub. My days now revolve around classes, the library, and my bed, with little else to remind me of home except for conversations with Special.
My landlady, Bridget, is Irish, and she lives with her boyfriend and daughter. I occupy the small room above their house, sharing the kitchen with them. I’m grateful to have a bathroom to myself, especially after that mishap that occurred less than two weeks into my stay.
I decided to prepare egusi soup and next thing I know; Bridget is sending text messages informing me that she can’t leave her room because of the outrageous smell emanating from the kitchen. It took me a while to realize the source of the odor was the dried stock fish I had boiled earlier.
When I shared the incident with Itohan, she went bat shit crazy, labeling Bridget as a hater. When I mentioned that before the stock fish incident, Bridget was already giving me lessons on closing the front door because she’d pointed out that I tended to either slam it shut or leave it ajar whenever I rushed out of the house, Itohan gasped in disbelief. “Seriously? And you’re paying rent?”
I shrugged, replying, “It’s her house, I have to respect it.”
“No way,” she replied, clicking her tongue. “That’s too much. You should leave that woman’s place at the end of this month."
“And move where?”
“To my apartment, of course.”
Wow, this sweet girlfriend I just made wants me to break my lease and move into her apartment.
Initially I was excited about the offer and even considered breaking my lease immediately. But then, I reconsidered. Itohan’s place is quite pricey; I wouldn’t be able to sustain covering the additional expenses of living with her. However, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have that peace of mind, because right now, I’m scared to cook, scared to move around, and afraid of doing anything that would cause a rift in Bridget’s house.
The only time I get some sort of peace and reverie from the craziness of everything happening in my life—because Special’s too busy lately for our usual phone calls—is when I’m in the library.
The library, or should I say the school environment, is a whole different world. It’s where I can almost be myself without stressing. Sure, I’ll ignore the no-food rule, but that doesn’t detract from immersing myself in studying. Afterward, I enjoy taking long walks with Itohan and Sarah (a friend I made in class), then head back to that “prison” I pay for. Those ladies have helped ease my transition to this new environment.
I spend most evenings in the library and tonight is one of those days. Sarah and I have been at it for hours, trying to figure out this project assignment and I think I’m making headway.
Although my focus is on this assignment, I promise you, I’m also brainstorming ways to make money—legal ways. I need to secure better accommodation and, if possible, visit Special soon. Ideally, I’d visit him first, but my sanity is crucial—I must move out of that apartment ASAP. I’ve never felt this way before, no matter how unsafe it was back home. Never.
My thoughts wander to the conversations that have sustained me through these weeks—the late-night calls with Special. His voice, his laughter, and the assurances—they’re the anchor supporting me through this pivotal change.
Oh, how I wish!
I wish money was not a problem, because as a grown adult, I need it.
Money for anything I desire—like relocating to a spacious, airy apartment without a live-in landlady dictating my every move or what to cook! Money to purchase those perfect, adorable boots I spotted while window shopping with Sarah and Itohan the other day. Money to travel at will, so I can visit the love of my life and have the time of our lives.
Money to just be!
Itohan has her sister here, who supports her with real currency. Plus, she has a guy in Germany who spoils her silly. Sometimes, her situation makes me wish Special and I weren’t going through financial struggles. I try—strongly try—not to compare myself with Itohan, but the reality of my finances is a barrier I can’t overlook.
Itohan has no plans for the guy in Germany.
“But why are you leading him on?” I asked.
“That’s life,” she shrugged. “What will be will be. Besides, being attached to someone when you move to a new country, especially if you’re not married to them, would hold you back from achieving your dreams, which is why I’m not in a hurry to get into a serious relationship.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t look like that. I admire what you say you have with your guy.”
Unsure of how to respond, I force a smile.
“Special abi?” She winks. “He must be really special.”
“Hmm.”
Sighing back to the present, I lean back in my chair, fingers gliding across the trackpad as I design my presentation slide. My relationship has been destined to be long-distance from the start. Calls with Special are cherished moments, you know, having someone from home who understands everything I’m going through. Yet, they also remind me of the miles that separate us. Some chilly nights, I long to reach out and touch, to bridge the gap between “hello” and an embrace—it is a sentiment that echoes in my heart .
Sarah’s voice breaks through my reverie. “Fifi, are you alright?”
Shaking my head, I smile at her.
“You seemed lost in your thoughts.”
I tsk. “Just reflecting on life’s journey. The challenges we face, the dreams we chase—all that jazz.”
She nods in understanding. “It’s not always easy, is it? But somehow, these struggles shape us.”
True... My mind wanders to the nights Special and I speak about our dreams—of a future where our struggles wouldn’t define us, where we could share more than just words through the screen.
“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?” I murmur more to myself than anyone else.
Sarah’s gaze softens with empathy. “And the journey’s far from over. You know, sometimes all it takes is a leap of faith.”
I look at her, her wisdom cutting through my doubts. “You’re right. It’s about believing that every step, every challenge, gets us closer to where we want to be.” Which is true… I’m getting a master’s degree, and this close to being with my man in a system that functions as it’s programmed to.
Evening fades into night and the library’s lights cast a warm glow as I become engrossed in my studies. My fingers dance across the keyboard, unraveling data patterns on my screen. Later, while chatting with Special about his day, I go in search of a reference book.
It takes me some time, but multitasking between my chat and searching the shelves, I find the book. I flip it open to confirm it has the section I’m interested in, and, goodness me, it does!
Smiling in triumph, I turn around. Um… where am I? Clutching the reference book by my side, I look down the aisle of bookshelves. I pace back and forth between aisles, trying to retrace my steps. All this would have been avoidable if I wasn’t head deep into my chat with Special. Are the books conspiring against me for breaking the library rule of using my phone?
My phone buzzes, interrupting my concentration. The illuminated screen shows Itohan’s name and I let out a sigh of relief, answering the call as I move to seat at a corner table. She had a late class and was supposed to meet us here .
“Hey, boo...” her cheery voice prompts a sigh of relief from me. “Where are you?” “Um, Itohan,” I smile, closing my eyes in amusement. “I know this sounds silly, but I’m totally lost in the library. I can’t find my way out.”
She chuckles. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. Tell me where you are.”
I rattle off the description of my surroundings. She prompts me with clarifying questions and quickly pieces together my location. “I think I know exactly where you are. Stay put, I’m coming to get you.” She tells Sarah about my predicament and I hear them share a laugh.
Haha, very funny.
“See you in a bit,” Itohan chimes before hanging up.
I spot Itohan less than five minutes later—though it feels like ages—after the call. Grinning, I stand to hug her. “You’re a lifesaver.”
She chuckles, sliding into the seat across from me. “You can say that again. What happened?”
I roll my eyes with a playful sigh. “I got lost in that maze of shelves while trying to find this reference book.” I push the said book in front of her but Itohan pays it no mind. “It’s like the books conspired against me.”
A familiar voice chimes in. “Oh, I think the books just wanted to keep you company.”
I turn to see Sarah, joining us at the table. She places my bag and hers on the table and I feel so… I can’t explain the bubbly feeling in my tummy. The only words that escapes my lips are, “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention.” Sarah shrugs, settling on the seat beside Itohan.
We discuss briefly about schoolwork and projects, with Itohan saying we need to live a little.
Sarah smiles like she knows something we don’t before shifting her gaze to me. “Perfect timing. I’ve got the precise solution for us. Oliver is hosting a party this weekend.”
“Oliver from class?”
“Yes, one and the same. I just got the memo, and I think you should come!” she whispers enthusiastically .
I raise an eyebrow, intrigued by the invitation. “A party, huh?” I look to Itohan for support but she’s busy doing stuff on her phone.
“You would love it. Oliver is cool and doesn’t attract trouble. There will be music, food, drinks—”
I hesitate, my mind instantly filled with thoughts of unfamiliar faces and social interactions. If memory serves me right, Oliver and I are on a group project, but I haven’t spoken to this guy outside of class. “I’m not sure, Sarah. Parties aren’t really my scene.”
She chuckles, her enthusiasm undiminished. “Come on, Fifi! It’s a chance to unwind, meet new people, and let loose a little. Itohan just said it, we need to live a little.”
“A party?” Itohan chimes in, her eyes twinkling. “Baby boo, I think you should go. Who knows what you’ll find?”
Itohan, ughh. Such a traitor! So she’s been listening to our conversation all along.
Sarah’s head bobs in agreement. “Yes! You should totally come. And you too,” she adds, glancing at Itohan.
Itohan looks between Sarah and me, her grin widening. “Sounds like a plan to me. Come on, say you’ll go.”
Their combined persuasion wears down my resistance, and I find myself agreeing to attend the party.
As we gather our things to leave, the anticipation of the upcoming party sends me down memory lane. It reminds me of my undergrad years, back when I was the one pushing Linda, Ekene and others to come with me to parties hosted by G-Ben and Special. It’s been barely two or is it three years? And it feels like ages ago.
Life…
It’s been a while I spoke with Linda and Ekene, I will give them a call tonight. There’s just something I think I’m forgetting but I don’t think it really matters right now.