Radio Silence
6
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The following day arrives, with my sense of unease deepening with every second. I’m checking my phone every few minutes, hoping for a message or a call from Special. If he is trying to prove a point, I get it. He hasn’t bothered to read or listen to my messages. The lack of communication is gnawing at my nerves, leaving me restless and anxious.
Itohan calls and even comments on the change in my demeanor, but I can’t bring myself to share my troubles with her. I appreciate her concern, but admitting my fears aloud would make them feel all the more real. She reminds me about the conversation I’m to have with my landlady and I put it on my to-do list.
I go about my Sunday by joining an online church service on my laptop. It helps in calming my nerves, giving me a sense of peace. The pastor’s topic is centered around resilience, facing challenges with faith, and finding strength in the face of uncertainty. It’s as though he knows what I’m going through and is speaking to me .
After the online service concludes, I go about cleaning my space, doing laundry, washing my kinky 4c hair and styling it with crochet hair I’d gotten weeks ago from Ali Express. Finding a place to style my hair is like looking for needle in a haystack and I’m so glad I learnt to style my hair by watching YouTube videos. God bless those YouTubers who take their time to create detailed content.
It’s past four with still no word from Special. The need to clear my mind is so strong that after reading articles online, I decide to do something I’ve never done before.
Take a walk.
It’s strange, you know. Walking without a destination in mind. Walking, just because.
Strange thing I tell you.
But people swear that it alleviates restlessness and I know there’s a lot that’s unsettled within me.
I slip on a jacket and step outside, the cool evening air providing a refreshing contrast to the thoughts swirling in my mind. As I walk down the street, the rhythmic pattern of my footsteps offers a soothing cadence. It’s as though a different side of my brain is opening, and I realize that I’m being proud and foolish for not dialing Special’s number, which I do immediately. Unfortunately, he doesn’t answer.
Okay… that’s strange.
I try again, and same thing.
I check, my messages are still unread.
What if something bad has happened to him? What if … pausing, I search though social media apps and popular news site to confirm there was no gang violence or knifing incident in the UK.
This is bad… I’ve never had cause to get the phone number of his friends. Who can I call? Alice? Not a good idea. I’ll only make his family members back home to be in a state of panic and also let them into our business. No, not doing that.
I go through all his social media handles, and see he has been active on one, making reposts and all.
Ugh !
I resume walking, the therapeutic effect of walking no longer affecting me. I need to let out steam. Talk to somebody. See if I’m overreacting or if I’m justified for feeling the way I feel.
With each step, I consider reaching out to Itohan. Then Linda…the one who knows and understand our history.
“Hello, Fii?” Linda’s surprised voice comes through.
“Hey, Linda.”
“Fii, it’s been a while! How have you been?”
Since my arrival here, we’ve spoken a couple of times, but not as frequent as we used to. “I’ve been okay.”
“Hearing from Ekene?”
“Not really. Hope no problem?”
“None oh. Just wanted to know.”
“Oh, okay. Listen, I need to talk about something that happened last night.”
There’s a brief pause on her end, and then she speaks, “Of course, I’m listening.”
I share the events of the previous night, the message I sent with no response, and the anxiety that has followed. She listens attentively, letting me speak my mind and truth.
When I finish explaining, there’s a thoughtful pause before she speaks. “Fii, relationships have their ups and downs.”
I get it, okay? I get it. But what do I do?
“It sounds like both of you are dealing with your emotions and someone is being childish.”
“No, no one is being childish,” I rush to clarify. “Are you not the one that just said relationship has ups and downs?”
“Ehn… still—”
“Still nothing.” I roll my eyes, annoyed I dialed her number. “Be like a normal friend and advise me jare.”
“It’s advice you want?”
“Linda.” I warn, pouting my lips.
“Okay oh.”
Better…
Her voice turns suspiciously comforting. “So, have you reached out to him today?”
“Kinda,” I reply, whining. I dislike that I had to be the one to reach out. “I’ve sent him messages, but he hasn’t responded. I don’t like that he’s playing this mind game with me.”
“Hmm.” Linda clears her throat and I imagine her smiling as she reassures me. Gone are the days when we were roommates, sharing our experiences together, dancing in our underwear, making jest of guys, and her warning me off Special.
“What?”
“I don’t know, oh. I’m not in the relationship with you guys, but there could be a myriad of reasons he hasn’t responded yet. Don’t sha jump to conclusions. Abeg, keep your sanity.”
Who said I’m jumping to a conclusion? The brother is on social media but has not had time to check my messages or answer my calls. I wonder where he learnt that from.
Besides, am I sure this is the same Linda I know? I thought by now I’ll be receiving a grand lecture on why I shouldn’t be dating Special in the first place. Something to fuel this anger in me instead she continues with nice, and thoughtful Linda role. “For me ehn, while all this one is happening, I’ll take some time to reflect on what I want from this relationship and what steps we would take to work things out. And when uncle returns, have an honest conversation with him. Me I don’t like all this silencio things he is doing.”
Silencio things? I smile wryly, realizing she’s done with the nice character. “Linda abeg.”
“Tsk,” she hisses. “But it’s the truth now. I don’t like silent treatment. You know me.”
I sigh, grateful for her advice. “I need to talk to him, but it’s just hard right now. Why isn’t he responding?” Ugh!
“I understand your worries. It’s okay to feel this way, but try not to let your thoughts spiral,” she reassures me. “Give it a little more time, and if you still haven’t heard from him and you’re concerned, like really concerned—”
“What does that even mean?”
“I’m just saying. So, yes, where did I stop? Ehen, if you’re concerned like that, consider reaching out to someone close to him to check on him. But in all these things, please and please, take care of yourself.”
“I will.” A sense of relief sweeps over me at her advice and perspective. “Thanks, babe. You always know what to say.”
She chuckles softly. “It worked?”
“Yeah… at least you made small sense.”
“That’s something. You know my mind on this matter but, since you say…” She lets her words trail off.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, Fii, anytime. I’m just happy you’re happy with him. And I’m proud of how far you guys have come. So, ignore my bad belle sometimes. It’s old habit.”
We say our goodbyes, and I end the call. Determined to carry on with my day and prepare for the week whether Special calls or not, I head back home.