Choices
23
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Stepping into Rubicon’s Dublin office building on my first day of onboarding for my new role has me excited. This time around, I take my time to appreciate the sleek design of the space, the polished floors, and the artworks hanging on the wall. Smiling confidently, I take a deep breath, proud of this new chapter in my career.
Still can’t believe I’ll be an Associate involved in collaborating with teams across different locations. It’s a thrilling prospect to think that my work will have a global impact, and I’m eager to get my hands dirty and make my mark.
I’m guided through the office by a friendly HR representative, like it’s my first time here. Well, as an associate, it is.
My manager, Rebecca, whom I have communicated with over email for the past two weeks greets me with a warm smile as we reach my designated workspace. She walks me through the specifics of my role, explaining that I’ll be working closely with teams based in the USA to analyze and interpret data that will inform critical business decisions. It’s clear that my role is a pivotal link in the chain of communication that connects different branches of the company. Way more impactful than what I was doing as an intern.
Me, Fiyinfoluwa Rachel Ajayi, I’m becoming more than my wildest imaginations and dreams. The days of dreaming about working for MTN and the likes is a distant memory. Sleeping out in the cold, working in the plastic factory, washing bathrooms, I—I can’t connect the me of then and now. The me who can afford flights at a whim. Time is really all that matters.
I’m still pumped on the long, rainy drive back to Cork after work. It would take a while for me to find the right apartment in Dublin for a reasonable price. All through the ride, I’m thinking of purchasing a car, until my thoughts drifts to my conversation with Special when we found out about the offer.
Stepping into my lonely apartment, I remember the way his face had lit up when I told him about the offer. His genuine happiness evident in the way his eyes crinkled at the corners and his smile widened. And then the sudden shift in his demeanor when he confirmed the salary.
I think you should think deeply before accepting the offer.
I have… and I did. I considered every angle before making a final decision. A decision I didn’t tell him about. I take a deep breath, bracing myself for the conversation ahead as I initiate our routine video call. His face materializes on my screen, appearing at ease and composed in his living room, likely engrossed in watching a series or something.
“Fifi baby! What’s up?” he asks, tossing snacks into his mouth. Since I returned to Ireland, he’s only asked about my decision once, after which, we’ve been dancing around it like it doesn’t exist.
I hesitate for a moment, my heart pounding. “Hey, love,” I greet, asking about his day before segueing into the main reason for this call. “There’s something I wanted to discuss with you.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Hmm, go on.”
A smile starts forming on my lips, but it falters. “I accepted the new job offer?”
He le ts out a derisive snort. “Are you asking or telling me?”
“Well,” I continue, choosing my words carefully, “I’ve been thinking about how we can make things work while I’m in Dublin.”
He sighs and his eyes narrow. “And what brilliant plan have you come up with now?”
I take another deep breath, pushing through his abrasive demeanor. “So here’s something I’ve been thinking about. What if… What if, we consider the possibility of you relocating to Dublin?”
“You want me to move to Dublin?” He scoffs. “Are you serious?”
I nod, my heart racing as I try to explain my perspective, the wheels spinning in my head. “I know it’s a big decision but hear me out. Dublin offers so many advantages for both of us. We’d be together, which would make our life easier. I’ve done the research, Ireland pays higher than UK, the quality of life here is better than UK. And yes, the rent here is higher, but with our salaries combined, we can buy a house together and—”
“Our salaries combined? First, I won’t have a job for God knows how long after I make this move you so want me to make.”
“But you can—”
“I can’t believe you made this decision without consulting me. A decision that means we’ll be even farther apart—”
“I’m sorry… You already said what you wanted me to do.”
“And what did you do?”
“I’m sorry. I just… I don’t think I would have gotten such offer again. I thought it would be easier for you if you moved here.”
“Easier how?”
“You’re adaptable and resourceful. I believe you can make a new life in Dublin just as you have there. And you’re a guy.”
“Really?”
“Besides another factor I considered was that, when we get married and we want to start a family, I might find it hard to get back into the system. Accepting this would console me in my later days.”
He offers a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “You really thought this through, huh?”
I nod quickly. “I think it’s worth considering.” Hope blossoming in my chest.
He shakes his head. “This is ridiculous. I can’t believe you’d even suggest this. I’ve got my own life, my own responsibilities here. I’m not just going to drop everything and come down to Dublin. We had a plan right from scratch. You keep changing things as it suits you.”
I swallow hard, trying to hold my ground. “My bad, baby. My bad. And I’m sorry. But please, understand me. I’m not asking you to drop everything. I’m only suggesting that we find a way to make things work, to be together.”
His laugh is bitter. “Be together? This whole Dublin idea is unrealistic and naive.”
My heart sinks at his harsh words, and my bravado leaks away like improperly sealed sachet water. “Speshie, I thought we were in this together. I made the decision that would benefit both of us.”
He leans back, his frustration still visible on his face. “I didn’t sign up for some fairytale romance. This is real life, Fifi. We both have our own lives to live. Something you keep reminding me of with the selfish decisions you make.”
“What can I do to make you… to make you believe that I’m not being selfish and want the best for us?” I swallow, blinking back tears threatening to form in my eyes.
His response is a silence that’s pregnant with so many words. The hope I held for our future together seems to be slipping away, replaced by the harsh reality of our conflicting aspirations.
I’m about to promise him heaven on earth when he breaks the silence with a voice that sounds like he has no choice. “Fifi, I love you. You know this.”
“I do. I know. And I don’t take you for granted. Please promise that you’ll consider this.”
I can see the wheels turning in his mind as he admits, “This a big decision.”
“It is. And I promise to make it worth your while. You know how we do.” I try for a smile, forcing positivity into my voice. “We’ll make it work.”
He lets out a deflating sigh. “I’ll consider it.”
“Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”