Spoilt People
36
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God must have a special place for unmarried girls like me who engage in sexual activities the night before Sunday service. I grin, standing in front of the mirror, carefully applying my makeup—a touch of foundation, a dab of concealer, a hint of blush, and a bold red lipstick that adds a pop of color to my face. I am sore from last night and I think my asshole will be permanently open for weeks. As much as I love what went down, I don’t know when I’ll be ready for another. I’m lost in my own thoughts, enjoying the ritual of getting ready, when Special’s voice breaks the silence.
“Babe,” he says, stretching his hands out wide, then relaxing them, “are you really going to wear that lipstick to church?”
I glance at him through the mirror, taken aback by his comment. “Um… What’s wrong with my lipstick?”
He crosses his arms, before sighing heavily, eyebrows pulled close and down, creating a crease on his forehead. “It’s too red.” He shakes his head. “It’s distracting.”
I wink, giving him a sultry look as images of last night filter through my head. “Too distracting for you?”
“Fifi, it’s Sunday Mass,” he rushes out. “Believe me, it’s distracting.”
What’s all the tone and voice for? A surge of defensiveness rises within me. “It’s just lipstick. And… I’ve worn this shade before.”
He lets out an exasperated sigh. “I’m just saying, maybe you could go for a lighter shade. You know, something more subtle.”
I pause, my hand still holding the lipstick. Something more subtle? I swallow, trying to stop my throat from closing up even as my stomach hardens.
Something more subtle? His words sting.
Why is it always something or the other with him? Today my lipstick is the culprit. For someone who was howling as he came last night you would think he would be happier and free, but no, reverse is the case. Looking even grumpier than the grumpiest man in the world.
Pinching my lips tight to keep them from trembling, I make a slow, disbelieving headshake. “Spesh,” I start, stopping to poke my tongue lightly into my cheek and inhaling a long breath. “Is this because of last night?”
“Last night? What happened?”
So, we’re playing dumb. “Because… you don’t want to remember during service?” A different scenario, I’ll be smiling, but here and now, I need to understand what’s going on.
“Who’s talking about last night? I’m simply saying you’re calling unnecessary attention to yourself.”
“I appreciate your opinion, but I should be able to decide how I want to look. Besides, makeup is a form of self-expression.”
“No, baby… you’re getting it wrong.” He lets out a sigh, his features softening slightly. “I’m not trying to control you. I just thought something subtle might be more appropriate for church.”
I take a deep breath, trying to calm my emotions. “Ehen? But I don’t think my lipstick choice should be a cause for concern. It’s a personal choice, and I should be able to wear whatever I like.”
There’s a moment of tense silence between us, waiting for who would fold. I can see the conflict in his eyes—the desire to express his opinion and the understanding that he might have crossed a line.
“We should head to church,” he finally says. “We’re running a bit late.”
I nod, placing the lipstick back on the dresser.
Leaving the room and going to the car, I'm intentionally walking straight because I can still feel the pressure from last night's wild time, and I'm starting to have some regrets. Also, I can’t shake off the feeling of unease that there might be something spiritual at work here.
We arrive Sunday Mass, and I’m surprised I’m beginning to find solace in the familiar Catholic rituals—the scent of incense, the soft hymns, and the reverence of the congregation.
When we’re encouraged to pray, I find myself silently asking for guidance and understanding in my dealings with Special. Every relationship is a journey of highs and lows, and while conflicts like this are inevitable, I think ours is becoming toxic.
*****
We return home from church, the atmosphere between us still heavy with tension. We move about his apartment like ships passing in the night—avoiding eye contact, speaking only when necessary, and carefully treading around the elephant in the room.
I glance at Special as he scrolls through his phone, his features unreadable. I’m tempted to reach out, but part of me wants him to apologize first. Another part wants to confront the issue head-on. Pathetic, there’s also a part of me that fears escalating the situation further, especially since I’m leaving later in the evening. The last thing I want is to part on bad terms.
“Do you want to eat bread and egg?” I ask.
He grumbles something that sounds like, “That’s fine.”
I take a deep breath, head to the kitchen to prepare a light brunch, considering my options. Is this how we’re going to keep quiet till I leave? I can’t—we can’t continue like this.
Oh, we have a movie date. That is o ne thing that can potentially break this icy silence that has settled between us. Breaking eggs into a bowl, I bring the topic up cautiously. “Hey…” He doesn’t respond, totally absorbed on his phone. “Spesh?”
He looks up from his phone, his expression guarded, brows raised.
“Remember we planned to watch a movie today?”
“Yeah.”
I try to inject some warmth into my tone. “It might be a nice way to spend some time together.”
He hesitates for a moment, and I can sense his reluctance.
“I leave today…”
After a beat, he nods. “Fine, we can go.”
I smile, grateful that he’s agreed. It’s a small step, but it’s a step nonetheless. I finish preparing brunch, and as we sit down to eat, there’s a tentative ease that begins to settle between us. We exchange a few words about the movie showing times and my travel plans, and while it’s not a complete resolution of our earlier disagreement, it’s a start.
The afternoon passes in a subdued manner, both of us lost in our thoughts. I use the free time to pre-pack my stuff, wondering if I still want to leave some items at his place.
At past two, we get ready to head to the cinema with me hoping this movie date will provide the opportunity for us to reconnect, put aside our differences, and enjoy my final moments here.