Chapter 10 Kelcie
Kelcie
I can feel Levi’s burning eyes on me, and when I dare a glance, I see he’s zoned out.
I think he’s having a bad day, and I’m trying to come up with an idea of how I can make it better.
Earlier, when he hugged the crap out of me, there was a moment where it felt like he wanted to kiss me, but seconds later, he couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
Yeah, I’m not going to lie. Levi is very difficult to read, and I never know what he’s thinking.
“Let’s eat,” I say to get his attention while I leave the kitchen.
My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Besides not being sure whether he actually wanted to kiss me, there’s also the incident of him holding me all possessively and pulling me away from Waverly.
It looked like he was upset because she touched me.
Did it trigger him?
God, I wish I knew what was going on in his mind.
I set the plates down on the coffee table, and when I look at the pizza boxes, it feels like I’m forcefully shoving a dagger through my heart.
Not knowing how I’d react when eating the pizza, I brought a pill in case things spiral and I end up having a panic attack.
“Are you okay?” Levi asks, and it’s only then that I notice he’s holding a soda out to me.
I quickly take it from him, and deciding to be honest so he’ll be prepared, I admit, “The last time I had pizza was the night of the attack.”
“Jesus, Kelcie.” A harsh breath bursts over his lips. “I can make us something else.”
I shake my head and dig the pill out of my pocket. When I place it on the coffee table, Levi says, “Please don’t push yourself too hard.”
My teeth nervously worry my bottom lip as I nod.
Wanting to be strong for once, I lean down and open the box at the top of the stack. The instant I see pineapple, my breath hitches, and it feels like my heart is being torn in two.
Sage.
Beautiful, clever Sage, who was going to take the legal world by storm.
When she figured out I was giving her all my pineapple pieces to make her happy, she tried to stop me. But I loved seeing her smile and made her take them.
To others, it might seem stupid, or it may not make sense, but it became our thing. I got to give Sage something small that meant the world to her.
In the back of my mind, I’m aware of my breaths bursting over my dry lips, my heart thundering a mile a minute.
“I’ve got you.” Levi’s voice sounds weird, as if he’s talking underwater.
I feel his fingers by my mouth as he feeds me the pill, and soon after, the soda eases the dryness. I sputter as I struggle to swallow, but finally manage.
As the worst of the panic attack eases a little, I become aware of Levi’s arms wrapped around me and the scent of his cologne.
I love the smell.
It feels as if his much bigger body curves around mine, and it gives me a sense of safety I haven’t felt since my world was destroyed.
“There you go. Deep breaths,” he murmurs, his tone soothing to my frayed nerves.
My fingers are twisted in his sweater, and needing to feel more of him, I flatten my hands over his back.
Finally, the medication kicks in and my breathing returns to normal. Levi presses a kiss to my temple, and his lips pause on my skin for long seconds.
Slowly, I brush my palms up and down the expanse of his back and broad shoulders, and as my emotions get tossed from one extreme to the next, I struggle to think straight.
When I feel a specific part of him hardening against my stomach, my eyes pop open. The next second, Levi yanks back, and picking up the Hawaiian pizza, he stalks to the kitchen.
I lift a trembling hand to my forehead while I suck in a deep breath of air.
I’m pretty sure Levi just got a hard-on. There’s no way I imagined it.
But if he’s attracted to me, why isn’t he acting on it?
Confused and still rattled by the severe panic attack, I sit down on the couch and scrub my palms over my face.
“Are you okay?” Levi asks, his tone gruff and deep.
Is he upset?
My head snaps up, and when I see the uncomfortable expression on his face, I begin to feel rotten. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head as he comes to sit down beside me. “Don’t ever apologize for having a panic attack.”
Needing to know why he’s upset, I ask, “Did I do something wrong? The touching?”
He shakes his head again and forces a smile to his face. “We’re left with pepperoni, and the other has the works on it. How do you feel about those?”
“I’m good with either,” I lie, because pepperoni was Dad’s favorite.
Levi leans forward and plates two slices of each for himself. When I see a long string of cheese, I swallow hard.
I know I can’t avoid everything that reminds me of my parents and Sage.
Enjoy it for them.
The little voice whispering deep in my heart is right. They’d be so upset if they knew how I was spending my time, and I’ve been getting so much better with Levi’s help.
Standing up, I walk to the kitchen, and seeing the Hawaiian pizza on the kitchen table, I pick it up and carry the box back to the living room. I sit down next to Levi again and lift the lid.
You can do this for Sage.
I take hold of a slice and bring it to my mouth. Closing my eyes, I bite into the cheese, ham, and pineapple, the flavors bursting over my tongue.
My chin trembles as I chew, and even though I feel conflicted emotions, I keep eating.
Levi leans back against the couch, and placing his right hand on my back, he uses his left to eat.
His touch is soothing, and slowly the chaotic mess in my chest begins to settle until I’m left with a bittersweet emotion.
God, I miss you, Sage.
My eyes mist up, and I blink quickly.
On the next bite, the image of Mom being dragged by her hair flashes through my mind. It’s quickly followed by Dad’s groan for me to run.
I ran. I left them and ran.
My stomach churns violently, and shoving the box off my lap, I dart to my feet and run for the hallway. I have no idea where the bathroom is.
“On the left,” Levi says behind me.
I make it to the toilet in the nick of time and lose everything I ate, and my body jerks violently.
Levi gathers my hair, and I want to tell him to leave so he doesn’t see me like this, but I can’t.
When I stop vomiting, I feel drained of all my energy, and a dry sob bursts over my lips.
Levi pulls me back, and he flushes the toilet. He moves his arms beneath me, then I’m lifted from the floor before being set down on a counter.
I watch as he soaks a washcloth, and when he begins to wipe the heated skin of my face and neck, my gaze meets his.
“Pizza is banned,” he grumbles.
“We should add chocolate cake to that list,” I reply, my voice hoarse from being sick.
Not caring that I’m being selfish, I lean forward and wrap my arms around his neck. I need to hold him for a minute. Or an hour. I need the comfort I can only get from him.
Levi nudges my knees open, and stepping between them, he engulfs me against his chest, his arms solid bands of safety around me.
“I know it’s difficult for you, but I need this,” I whisper. “It’s comforting.”
“It’s not difficult for me,” he murmurs.
One of his hands cups the back of my head, and I feel him dropping kisses on my hair.
Closing my eyes, I focus all my attention on Levi, and it helps a lot.
What is it about this man that makes him have this calming effect on me?
I have no idea how much time passes before Levi says, “Lick needs to go outside.”
I pull back, and when he moves away from me, I slip off the counter. “I’m going to go to my place. I need to brush my teeth a million times.”
“Okay.”
I begin to feel self-conscious about vomiting in front of Levi and hurry out of his house. I’m hit with a blast of cold air and fold my arms around myself as I dart over the stretch of lawn.
When I pull my back door open, I hear my phone ringing and jog toward the couch where I left it.
Seeing Jordan’s name, I answer, “Hi.”
“Where were you? I was a second away from calling Sheriff Williams! Christ, Kelcie!”
“I was at Levi’s place. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
“Carry your phone with you. Dammit.” I listen as he takes deep breaths. “My fucking heart.”
“I’m sorry, Jordan,” I apologize again.
“What were you doing at Levi’s house?”
I sit down on the couch and rub my palm over my face. “We were having dinner. I’ve been spending time with him.”
“Oh?” I can hear a hundred questions in the single word.
Not wanting to worry Jordan more than I already have, I explain, “I’m doing better. It feels as if I’m making progress when I’m around Levi.” I let out a sigh. “It’s hard to explain, but he understands me.”
There’s a pause in conversation before Jordan says, “I’m happy to hear that, Kelcie.” Hearing the relief in his voice makes my body relax. “I’m glad you’ve found someone who can help you.”
“He’s really nice.” I glance at the open door where the cold wind is blowing into the house, and getting up, I go to shut it. I hesitate before I admit, “I like him a lot.”
“Oh wow. Really?”
“Yeah.” This is a conversation I would’ve had with Mom or Sage. But Jordan is all I have left, and I need to talk to someone about my emotions. “The attraction is next level, and he is so patient and understanding with me. He even handles my panic attacks like a pro.”
Jordan begins to talk, but his voice breaks, and I listen as he takes deep breaths before he’s able to say, “You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that, Kelcie.”
The emotion brimming in his voice makes my throat strain and my chin quiver. “I’m sorry for everything the past year,” I whisper. “I know it’s been hard on you.”
“It’s okay. I’m just so relieved you’re doing better.”
“How are Natalie and Brady?”
“They’re good. Brady’s favorite word is ‘but.’ Every time I tell him to do something, it’s but this and but that.”
I let out a chuckle. “He’s so cute.”
“Are you going to spend Thanksgiving with us?” he asks.
My teeth tug at my bottom lip as I think Levi will be alone if I go to Jordan. “Is it okay if I skip this year?”
“Do you want to spend it with Levi?” my brother asks, a teasing tone to his voice I haven’t heard in a really long time.
“Yeah,” I grumble playfully.
“In that case, I’ll drive through at the end of the month to check on you.”
“You don’t have to check on me,” I argue.
“Fine, but I’m still coming through to visit. I miss you.”
The corner of my mouth lifts. “Okay.”
We say our goodbyes and hang up. Setting my phone down on the armrest, I get up and go to the bathroom. I spend a few minutes brushing my teeth and gargling with mouthwash. Just as I pat the hand towel over my face, I hear a knock.
When I step out of the bathroom, there’s another knock at the back door, and I go to open it.
Without saying anything, Levi holds his hand out to me, and while I place my palm in his, I pull the door shut behind me.
He keeps quiet as we walk back to his house, and when we enter his kitchen, I notice two bowls of soup with slices of bread on the table.
Oh my God. This man is so incredible.
He lets go of my hand and pulls out a chair. “Sit, Kelcie.”
As I take the seat, I watch him leave the kitchen, only to return with a warm jacket.
He drapes it over my shoulders and orders, “Put it on.”
Having him take care of me makes the first tendrils of love curl around my heart while my stomach does happy cartwheels.
“The chicken soup is store bought, but hopefully it will help settle your stomach,” Levi says while he takes a seat across from me.
I wait for him to meet my gaze before I reply, “Thank you. You have no idea how much all of this means to me.”
His features soften, and the corner of his mouth lifts in a sexy smirk. “That’s what friends are for.”
Friends.
The word puts a damper on the happiness I’m feeling, and I hide my reaction by scooping some soup up and swallowing it.
Being friends with him is better than nothing.