Chapter 14 Kelcie
Kelcie
I had my first kiss a year after graduating from school, and I lost my virginity to a carnival worker who upped and left town before I even woke up. I didn’t even know the guy’s last name.
To say my romantic history is sad would be the understatement of the year. It was never something I gave any thought to until Levi.
So when Levi grabs me by the back of my neck and yanks me toward him, shock ripples through me. His mouth crashes against mine, and I struggle to play catch-up as he practically devours me.
His lips knead mine roughly, and his tongue sweeps into my mouth with such dominance, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
Letting go of my wrist, Levi moves closer and presses his body against mine while his arm wraps around me, locking me firmly in place.
I’m standing still like a dumbfounded idiot, unable to think a single coherent thought while Levi claims every inch of my mouth.
Good. God. This is . . . This is . . .
When his teeth tug at my bottom lip and his tongue strokes roughly over mine, an embarrassingly loud moan escapes me.
Heat flushes my face, my abdomen clenches hard, and tingles spread over every inch of my body.
Finally, I think of lifting my arms and wrapping them around his neck. I push up on my tiptoes, and tilting my head, I begin to taste and worship Levi as if he’s my beginning and end.
I don’t know if this will be my only chance to experience him like this, so I’m taking full advantage of it.
We hold onto each other as if we’d stop existing if we were to separate, and we kiss like people who’ve been starved of love.
Every good emotion known to mankind floods me until it feels like I’m floating in Levi’s arms.
He slows the kiss down until he’s lapping at my mouth, the kiss feeling so deep and intimate that it brings tears to my eyes.
Moving my hands to his face, my fingertips brush over his light stubble. I love the scratchy feel and how his jaw moves.
I’m surrounded by his cedarwood scent, and his much stronger body pressed against mine makes me feel delirious with desire.
I want all of him.
I have no idea how much time passes before he nips at my mouth one last time. Lifting his head an inch, I feel his breath on my swollen lips.
“Open your eyes,” he says, his voice hoarse and cracking over the words.
Slowly, I lift my lashes until Levi comes into view. Seeing the emotion that can only be described as love all over his face has my heart bursting into a wild gallop of happiness.
“I’ll never reject you, Kelcie. Don’t ever think that.”
Nodding, I clear my throat. “Okay.”
Levi lets go of me and takes a step backward. “We should eat.”
I shake my head. “Uh . . . no. I think we need to talk about what just happened.”
I watch as he swallows, and picking up the plates from where he left them on the counter, he moves them to the table. He begins to scoop pasta into them, and only when he sets the pot back on the stove does he look at me again.
“I’m not ready to talk about it.”
Seeing the worry in his eyes dims my happiness, and confusion spills into my chest.
Levi just gave me the best kiss of my life, and he doesn’t want to talk about it? Why?
I move to the table and take a seat. Staring at the pasta, I think for a moment before I ask, “Did your previous marriage end badly?”
He sits down, and picking up his fork, he shakes his head. “I couldn’t give her what she needed. The divorce went pretty smoothly.”
“What did she need?”
He lifts his eyes to mine. “For me to show her affection.” He lets out a sigh. “She didn’t repulse me, but I felt uncomfortable touching her. Kissing her was . . .” There’s a flash of disgust on his face. “I did it as little as possible.”
Fear trickles through me as I ask, “And kissing me?”
“You’re . . .” He shakes his head again, and my stomach drops. “You’re unlike any person I’ve ever met. I love touching you, and kissing you was one of the best things I’ve ever experienced in my life.”
Oh, thank you, sweet baby Jesus.
His words register, and happiness pours back into my heart.
Needing to know the answer, I ask, “Why did you marry her?”
“I didn’t want to be alone. I thought I could make it work, but I quickly realized I’m too fucked up to be with someone.”
“You’re not fucked up.”
Levi puts down his fork, and his eyes lock with mine.
For the longest moment, he just looks at me, then he says, “I am, Kelcie. I’m still a grumpy asshole when I’m not with you.
I still avoid talking to other people. I still crawl out of my fucking skin when someone touches me. None of that has changed.”
“You’re not fucked up,” I repeat myself. Getting up, I move around the table, and I frame his face with my hands. As Levi looks up at me, I say, “You’re the most incredible man I’ve ever met. You’re the only one who got through to me. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
He sucks in a deep breath as if he’s trying to inhale my words.
Leaning down, I softly press my mouth to his.
I keep the kiss tender, and when I pull back, I whisper, “I’ve never been in love until you.
My parents raised me to have super-high standards, and you’ve met them all.
” I give him a pleading look. “We won’t fail if we give this a go, because I feel we’re perfect for each other. ”
Levi grips hold of my hips and tugs me down onto his lap.
A myriad of expressions flashes over his attractive features. After what feels like long minutes, a determined expression settles in his hazel eyes.
“The last thing I want to do is hurt you,” he whispers.
“I know.”
Please, Levi. We’re meant to be.
“I only want to make life easier for you. I want you to be happy, Kelcie.”
My eyes mist up, and my chin begins to tremble from all the intense emotions I’m experiencing. “I’ve been happy every moment I’ve gotten to spend with you.” I suck in a quivering breath. “I was dead until you came along.”
I wish he would see that he is the only reason I’ve started living again.
Levi lifts his hand and brushes some hair away from my face while looking at me with something that can only be described as wonder.
His fingers trail over my temple and cheek until his thumb tugs at my bottom lip. My breathing instantly speeds up, and my heart skips a beat.
His gaze turns downright predatory, and I’m glad I’m sitting on his lap because I swear, I go weak in the knees.
I feel how Levi tenses. “Once we cross the line, there’s no going back.”
I cup the sharp line of his jaw and shake my head. “We’ve already crossed the line, Levi.” Thinking he might need to hear it, I say, “I want all of you. Every single broken piece. The good. The bad. There’s nothing you could do to make me feel any different.”
His eyes flick away from me, worry flashing over his face.
“Hey,” I whisper. He brings his gaze back to me, and I smile. “Stop overthinking things.”
When Levi remains silent, I give him the time he needs, and it pays off because the determined expression that’s super hot returns to his face.
I lean in a little closer until I’m able to press a soft kiss to his lips. His week-old beard is scratchy on my skin, causing tingles to spread out over my body.
I pull back an inch or so, and when Levi follows, his mouth nipping at mine, once . . . twice, I let out a needy moan, desperate for more.
A sexy grin forms on his face, and I realize he’s teasing me. I playfully slap his shoulder and move to get off his lap, but his hand shoots up, and he grips me by my throat.
My brain completely misfires at how dang hot the move is, then his mouth takes mine in an urgent kiss that has me seeing fireworks.
The level of heat between us becomes damn near combustible, and I feel his manhood harden beneath me.
I’m overcome with satisfaction that I’m the only one who brings out this side in him.
Somehow, the kiss is both gentle and demanding, his tongue and lips alternating between different pressures that have me melting into his embrace. I move one hand to the back of his head, my fingers finding the short strands, while my other palm greedily explores the hard planes of his chest.
His stubble keeps scraping against my sensitive skin in the most delicious way, and I’m a second away from begging him to strip me naked when he wisely slows the kiss down until we’re both keeping still, our rushed breaths warming the air between us.
“Holy crap,” I whisper. “For a man who hates touching and kissing, you sure are good at it.”
A deep chuckle rumbles from his chest as he pulls me into a hug. I press my face into the crook of his neck and hold him as if he might up and vanish at any time.
I’ve learned the hard lesson to appreciate every single moment you have with a person because you never know when it will be your last.
Please, God. Don’t ever take this man from me. I won’t survive it.
By the time I lift my head and slip off Levi’s lap, our food is cold, and Lick needs a toilet break.
“I’ll warm our plates while you let Lick out,” I say, getting to work.
My steps feel light, and there’s an excited buzz all over my body. My stomach keeps fluttering as if a kaleidoscope of butterflies has taken up permanent residence inside me.
Mom pats my cheek. “One day you’ll meet someone who’ll make you feel differently.”
I shake my head. “Nope. I have zero desire to date.”
“You might change your mind a few years from now.”
The memory flashes through my mind, and I stop what I’m doing, suddenly realizing Mom was right.
I wish you were here, Mom. I wish I could tell you I’ve fallen in love with the most perfect man.
Grief ripples through me like a wave spilling onto the shore before it withdraws back into the darkness, where all my trauma is locked in the deepest corner of my heart.
“Kelcie?” Levi’s hand brushes up my back in a comforting way and settles against the side of my neck as he leans down a little to catch my eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I just remembered something my mom said.”
“Want to share it with me?”
Lifting my arm, I take hold of his wrist. “Before that night, I had no interest in dating because I was so happy with my life. My mom said one day I’d meet someone who would make me feel differently.” An emotional smile wavers around my mouth. “She was right.”
Levi’s eyes narrow slightly, and he tilts his head. “Have you dated before?”
Glancing to the side, I shake my head. “Not really. After I was done with school, I had my first kiss. It was with one of Jordan’s friends, but nothing ever came of it, because my brother would’ve lost his shit if he found out.”
Levi’s expression remains serious as he asks, “And sex?”
I pull a disgruntled face and roll my eyes. “Promise you won’t laugh.”
“Promise.” The word bursts from him, his focus solely on me.
“I lost my virginity in a field to a guy who was working at a carnival passing through town. It’s the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever done.
When I woke up alone and saw they packed up and left during the night, I felt disgusted with myself.
” My shoulders lift as I shrug. “And that sums up my entire experience with dating.”
Levi shakes his head. “I hate that for you.”
Curious as heck, I ask, “What was your first kiss and losing your virginity like?”
I place each plate in the microwave for a couple of minutes, and Levi waits until we’re seated at the table before he answers, “Margo, my ex-wife, was my first everything. I was drawn to her gentle nature. She tried to be patient with me, but in the end, she had to think of herself. Honestly, I was relieved when she divorced me.” Levi pauses to take a sip of water.
“The first time I kissed her, there was no tongue, and it wasn’t too bad. No fireworks, but bearable, you know?”
He scoops some pasta onto his fork and brings it to his mouth. While he eats, I wait patiently for him to continue.
Resting his left forearm on the table, his pointer finger brushes along the rim of his plate.
“She initiated the first time we had sex.” He lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “Fuck knows why she married me. I just laid still and let her do all the work.”
“Me too,” I admit. “I had no idea what to do, so I kept my arms crossed over my chest and kinda prayed for it to be over as quickly as possible.”
His gaze softens on me. “Two peas in a pod.”
As I spear a strip of steak, I say, “I’m sure that won’t be the case if we . . . do the deed.”
“Yeah?” Levi’s lashes lower, and his features tighten with hunger, his eyes dilating. Then the man’s teeth tug at his bottom lip.
Heat flushes my core, and my abdomen clenches hard. The fork clatters against my plate as it slips from my fingers.
“Yep.” My voice is hoarse, and I clear my throat before continuing, “I’m willing to bet everything I have that things will be pretty explosive.”
Levi keeps looking at me as if he prefers to have me for a meal instead of the plate of pasta. “I think you’re right.”