Chapter 21 Levi
Levi
The past twenty-four hours of my life have been a living hell.
The second the piece Colby recorded aired on his YouTube channel, it went viral.
My agent called and he tried to get me to agree to do an interview with one of the big networks, but I refuse to talk about my personal life on national television. My agent and publicist said they would get the footage of what happened outside Kelcie’s house taken down.
It’s too late, though. Last time I checked, the video had over two million views. Everyone now knows I have a murderer for a half brother.
I don’t give a flying fuck whether my sales go down the drain and the publishers cancel their contract with me.
I want Kelcie back. I don’t care about anything else.
Pain rips through my chest like a category five hurricane, obliterating everything inside me.
I load my last bag into my car, ignoring the stares from the neighbors who are suddenly interested in taking evening walks in the middle of winter.
Going into the house, I make sure all the windows are shut and the back door is locked. I check every room for anything I might’ve left behind, then pat my thigh for Lick to follow me.
When I open the car door so she can jump onto the back seat, my eyes go to Kelcie’s house.
For a long while, I stand and stare at her place, remembering every special moment I got to spend with her.
“Jesus,” I gasp, the pain too much to handle.
I shut the back door before getting in behind the steering wheel. When I start the engine, I look at both houses where I found a taste of happiness.
That’s what makes this so unbearable. I now know what it feels like to be loved, and it will be so much harder to return to my old life.
I reverse out onto the street, aware there’s a very good chance this might be the last time I drive through this town.
I might never see Kelcie again. Which will mean I’ll never feel her touch again.
Even as relentless heartbreak drowns all the light from my life, I know with dead certainty I’d do it all again just for the chance to experience being loved by Kelcie.
She’s worth all the hell I’ll have to endure for the rest of my meaningless existence.
I stop at the gas station to fill my tank, and while I glance in the direction of the auto repair shop, I see Kelcie’s sedan in one of the bays. There’s damage to the bumper, and it has chills racing down my spine.
No!
My heart stutters in my chest, and my mouth goes bone dry. I jog toward the repair shop as Malakai begins shutting the doors.
“What happened to Kelcie’s car?” I ask.
His head whips in my direction. “Oh, hey, Levi. It slid off the road into an embankment. They had the car towed here for repairs.”
Icy air fills my lungs as I gasp, dread coiling around my heart. “Did Kelcie get hurt?”
Malakai shakes his head. “Jordan said she’s fine.”
Thank fuck!
I probably called after the accident happened, and that’s why Jordan answered.
As I turn around and walk back to my car, I rub my hand over my chest, my heart beating a mile a minute from the fright I just had.
I put in gas, and after paying, I get back into my car and drive out of town. It’s a five-and-a-half-hour drive to Grand Rapids, and I don’t plan on making any stops unless Lick needs a toilet break.
As I put one mile after another between me and Verona, my thoughts revolve around Kelcie. I alternate between thinking about how I could’ve done things differently so I ended up with the woman I love, and reliving the happy moments we shared.
But let’s face it. If I had introduced myself to her as Wesley Porter’s brother, she wouldn’t have given me a snowball’s chance in hell.
Instead, I did the selfish thing and took what I could get from her. But at what cost?
I can’t lay the blame at Colby’s feet. I’m the one who hurt Kelcie. This time her pain is all on me.
As more miles fall behind me, my chest begins to tighten until it feels like I might suffocate. I jerk the steering wheel to the side and make a U-turn before bringing the car to a stop.
I can’t leave Verona. I can’t drive five and a half hours away and never see Kelcie again.
I don’t have that kind of strength in me.
Pushing down on the gas, I begin to drive back, hoping and praying to all that’s holy, I’ll get another chance with the woman I love.
If not, living near her would be better than having Lake Michigan between us.
Instead of going back to the house, I find a motel in the next town over and get a room for the next few days.
I only grab one of my bags and my laptop, and once I’ve placed them in the room, which is so outdated, the wallpaper is peeling in the corners, I take Lick to the open piece of ground behind the motel that’s covered in snow.
I lean back against the wall and cross my arms over my chest while staring at my dog as she searches for the perfect spot to pee.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I dig the device out as quickly as possible. When I see a message from Kelcie, my heart begins to hammer in my chest.
Earlier, I sent her a text, trying to convey everything I wanted to say to her, and I’m incredibly nervous to read her reply.
Sucking in a cold breath of air, I let it out slowly before I open the message.
Kelcie: What happened with your mother?
I frown because I wasn’t expecting her to ask that question at all.
Levi: She wanted money. I told her to go to hell.
Kelcie: I’m sorry you had to deal with her after being no-contact for so many years. It must’ve been a shock to you.
Shock is the understatement of the year. I was rattled to my core.
Kelcie: I saw everything on the news.
Levi: My publicist and agent will take care of it all.
Kelcie: Are you okay?
Levi: Not at all. You?
Kelcie: Same.
Kelcie: You knew it would hurt me when your secret came out. Why did you do it?
Levi: At first, I approached you with good intentions.
I wanted to make things better for you, and when I saw it helped you to spend time with me, I decided to stick around until you were able to heal enough to go on with your life.
But then I started healing as well. The more time we spent together, the more I wanted to get to know you.
Before I knew what was happening, I was head over heels in love with you, and I couldn’t pull away anymore.
Kelcie: Why didn’t you tell me before we kissed?
Levi: I was scared I’d lose you.
Kelcie: Were you ever going to tell me?
I read her question four times before I bite the bullet and type my honest reply.
Levi: No.
Kelcie: Thank you for responding to all my questions.
Levi: I’m here if you need more answers.
It shows that she reads my message, but she doesn’t send another one and instead goes offline.
I let out a heavy sigh and tuck my phone back into my pocket before watching Lick jumping excitedly around in the snow.
When she’s soaked through, I indicate for her to come, and we head to the motel room. I place my phone on charge, then grab one of the towels. Sitting down on the floor, I lean back against the bed and begin to rub Lick’s fur dry.
She lets out a little whining sound as she keeps looking at me.
“I know, girl. I miss her too.” Lick lies down on her side, exposing her belly to me. “I don’t know where we go from here,” I whisper as I pet her.
After a while, I drag my sorry ass up and change into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. I switch off all the lights and slump down on the bed. Lick jumps up and takes the spot beside me, resting her head on a pillow as if she’s a little human.
Lying on the lumpy mattress, I stare up at the dark ceiling, trying to figure out what I’m going to do next.
My thoughts keep returning to the shit show that happened and some of the special moments I experienced with Kelcie.
The first time I kissed her. God, my entire world shifted on its axis when I tasted her and got lost in the feel of her soft lips.
The memories we shared. Besides my fucked-up family, she’s the only one who knows some of what happened to me.
With Kelcie, everything was different. For the first time in my life, it felt good to be touched. That alone changed my world. Never mind the desire she made me experience. She made me feel like I belonged. Like I finally had a purpose in life.
To love her.
Kelcie
For the past week and a half, while everyone is at work and Brady is at day care, I lie in bed with the covers pulled over my head. I only get up before they all come home, so I don’t cause them unnecessary worry.
Every half an hour or so, the urge to reach out to Levi becomes a torturous battle.
I want to beg him to tell me it was all a hallucination. That none of it really happened.
But it did.
“Kelcie,” Jordan murmurs from the doorway.
I startle out of my deep thoughts, and surprised he’s home so early, I quickly throw the covers back.
He walks closer and sits down on the side of the bed. “I’ve given you time. You can’t keep bottling things up. Talk to me.”
“Don’t wanna,” I groan, like a petulant teenager.
When I begin to pull the covers back up, he stops me and shakes his head. “I’m not going to stand by and watch you fall back into depression. I might not be Levi, but I’d like to think I can help in some way.”
I sit up and lean against the pillows before locking eyes with my brother. “I don’t know what to do. I’m torn in two.”
Jordan gives me an encouraging smile. “Tell me what you’re torn up about and maybe we can figure something out together.”
“My rational side knows what Levi did was way over the line. He stalked me. He inserted himself into my life and deceived me. Even though he says his intentions were good, I don’t even know if I can believe that.”
When I’m quiet for a few seconds, Jordan tilts his head. “And how does your heart feel about it all?”
“My heart . . .” My chin begins to tremble, and I shake my head.
“My heart wants to run to him because I know it must’ve hurt him so much to see his mother after seventeen years.
I want to comfort him and—” My voice cracks, and a sob sputters over my lips.
“And I want him to hold me and tell me we can get through this, because I still love him.”
Jordan scoots closer and gathers me into a hug. He pats my back like he does whenever he tries to soothe Brady.
“Deep down, I know Levi never intended to hurt me,” I admit. “But he deceived me.”
“Did he say why?”
“He was scared he would lose me if I learned the truth.” I pull back and let out a forlorn sigh. “He admitted that he never planned to tell me.”
“I can understand where he’s coming from,” Jordan says. “He was scared we would judge him for what Porter did, and maybe we would’ve.”
I shake my head but stop when I’m forced to admit Jordan is right. I never would’ve given Levi a chance had I known he was related to Mom’s killer.
Jordan lifts his hand to my shoulder and gives me a comforting squeeze. “I think what you should focus on is whether you can forgive Levi. Do you love him enough to give him another chance, or do you end things and move on with your life?”
Knowing he’s right, I nod. “Yeah.”
My brother leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead, the way Dad used to do with Sage and me.
“Take your time to think about it.”
I nod again, then meet his eyes. “Thank you for being the best brother ever.”
Emotion washes over his face, and his voice grows a little hoarse as he murmurs, “I love you, buttercup.”
Hearing the term of endearment our parents used to call me makes tears jump to my eyes. “I love you too.”
“Now get your butt dressed. I’m taking you out for lunch.” Jordan climbs to his feet. “Getting out of the house will do you a world of good.”
Not arguing, I drag myself out of bed, and while I change into warm clothes, I think about the conversation we just had.
Jordan is right. I need to figure out if I can forgive Levi or not.