I’m Sorry
___________
He is here!
My heart races in my chest. I swallow a laugh and settle for a radiant, sunny smile. Truth is, I haven’t been thinking of him these past months. When G-Ben announced last week that Special would visit, I ignored it because, no be today.
Rising from my bed, my feet carry me swiftly towards the source of the commotion. One moment I want to run down the hallway, the next I’m telling myself to calm down.
It has been so long since I last saw him! I can’t believe he’s—Uh-oh. I’m in the hallway when I realize I’m not properly dressed to welcome a visitor. My nipples are sticking out through the thin fabric of my favorite camisole worn over a short pair of revealing shorts. All too revealing shorts. Racing to my room, I don a long oversize t-shirt before rushing out.
As I descend the stairs, my footsteps muffled by the soft carpet, I hear laughter with conversation growing louder and familiar voices—G-Ben and Special. My pace quickens, and my heart pounds faster with each step. What should I say? I don’t know what to say. Has he grown older? He’s going to be looking handsomer. Wow.
Will we pick up where we left off? Will our connection still be as strong as before? Will our conversation breeze through like it used to, where words dance between us like old friends reuniting after a long separation? Or will there be awkward silences, gaps filled with unspoken words? Oh my. Why was I ever eager to have Special in our house?
Was I sincerely hoping having him in the house would give me an opportunity to confirm that after all these years, I don’t have feelings for him. I can’t ignore the fact that he is G-Ben’s best friend. Or that I’m in a relationship with Evans. Yet, I can’t deny that my heart fluttered upstairs.
With each step, emotions swirl within me like a tempestuous storm. Excitement tinged with nervousness; curiosity laced with caution. I long to see him, to hear his voice… to witness the changes time has brought. However, deep down, a flicker of apprehension and fear exists, uncertain of the potential consequences this reunion may bring for both of us.
I reach the bottom of the stairs, and there he is—Special, standing amid my family members, Mama Gee asking if he brought boli from Port Harcourt. His infectious smile and eyes that hold a world of stories light up the room,. He’s effortlessly charming Mama Gee without trying. The sight of him after such a long time fills me with a sense of warmth and longing. From the way my heart is skipping, I think the years apart have only intensified my feelings for him.
As I observe him interacting with the fam, I grimace, slightly shaking my head. I am aware of the reality that things may have changed. We have both grown and evolved as individuals. But what’s his life like? Is he happy now? Would we bond over our recent rejections? Can we be friends again? The most important thing I’m dying to know—is Ella still in the picture?
My heart skips a beat as our gazes meet, a fleeting connection that speaks volumes in the silent exchange. Emotions course through me—longing, nostalgia, and I shuffle my feet.
The room buzzes with conversation and laughter, but my focus remains on Special. From his profile, I study his expressions, searching for traces of the past, to understand what about him makes me feel this magnetic pull to him? Does he feel the same way?
His back is to me as I approach stealthily. Words hang on the tip of my tongue, memories of our past dancing at the edges of my consciousness. Yet, I hesitate, uncertain of how to navigate approaching him.
Seconds feel like an eternity, making me yearn for more time, more moments to prepare for this reunion. Once again, my mind races through possible conversations, searching for the right words to say, the right questions to ask.
As I approach his tall frame, a smile tugs at the corners of my lips. The nerves and doubts fade away. I roll my shoulders and neck as though they were stiff, before taking a deep breath to steady myself. “Special!” I sing-song.
The instant he turns to face me, directing his laser beam smile on me and only me, our surroundings fade into the background. Somewhere down in my vagina, a space I’ve long ago forgotten, pulses to life. I lose track of the next words I planned to say, as my lips are wide with a grin I think is feral.
How come he has the power to make alive emotions I have buried deep within me? How does he have a powerful hold over me after all this time? The longing, the unspoken desires, and the tingling in my nasal passages from pulling in deep, contented breaths has never truly faded—they all resurface, threatening to overwhelm me.
I’m so sorry Evans. I’m so sorry…
Amidst the discoveries, I know one thing for certain: this reunion will mark a turning point, a moment that holds the potential to shape our lives in unexpected ways.
What it means? I don’t know. Are we going to be a thing or are we going separate paths again? What am I thinking? This guy is preparing to travel out of the country. We’re always doomed!
“Ahan! Fifi baby!” Special’s smiles then flashes that signature grin, the one that never fails to make my heart skip a beat as he sizes me up from head to toe.
Good thing I wore something decent before it looks as though something else is happening here to our onlooking audience.
Everyone in the house knows how much I gush about this mister. It’s weird having them as an audience to our reunion.
“Mama Gee,” Special starts, his gaze darting to G-Ben, Mummy, then back to me. “Anyone coming for her hand has to pay double oh.”
The room bursts into laughter.
“See now daddy,” he continues, “your daughter is flourishing in this economy.” He stretches his arm, “Come here jor,” he teases.
I lean into him.
He scoffs. “It is side hug you want to use in welcoming me?”
Oh sheesh. Smiling, I roll my eyes. “You haven’t changed.”
He pulls me into a tight hug, then abruptly releases me. “That’s how she’ll be forming that she didn’t miss me too,” he teases.
A sense of comfort washes over me at his insinuation and I chuckle. “Did I say I didn’t miss you?”
G-Ben chimes saying, “Didn’t I say it would thrill her to see you?”
And just like that, the tension that had been building within me dissipates. We banter as if the years apart were mere blinks. Everyone heads to bed as the night wears on, but I stay back, listening to G-Ben and Special tell each other tales, with rushes of memories flooding my head.