Chapter 37
SUMMER
The warm breeze washed over me, bringing the scent of his cologne with it. I’d been snuggling against him inhaling his scent for the last hour. I loved the way he smelled. It was one of those light and crisp colognes that was perfect on him. It was so good.
We walked without saying much at first. The fire was a warm glow behind us and the voices faded as we moved further down the shoreline.
The wet sand was cool under my bare feet.
I had his hand in mine and my beer in the other.
There weren’t many stars out, which was a serious disappointment.
I would love for him to tell me all about the constellations.
He leaned down and kissed my temple. Just once. It was a brush of his lips across my skin. My eyes closed briefly.
“You smell good,” I said. “Like I could devour you right here.”
I felt him smile against my hair. “Yeah?”
“It’s annoying that you’re so damn sexy.”
He laughed quietly. “I’ll start wearing something terrible. Old Spice. Something your grandfather would use.”
“Please don’t. My dad still wears that. I cannot have you wearing the same cologne as my father. Weird.”
“Fair.”
He stopped walking and turned toward me, his free hand coming up to stroke his thumb over my cheek.
I stared into his eyes and tried to rationalize the way I felt about him.
He was looking at me like he had something to say.
I waited but he said nothing. Instead, he kissed me.
I didn’t think I would ever get tired of his mouth on mine.
My hand found the front of his shirt and I held on.
The man kissed like it was the only thing he had ever truly practiced.
Football players trained for the Super Bowl.
Olympians wanted gold medals. His kissing was all of that combined.
When he pulled back, his forehead dropped to mine.
“Damn, woman. You fuck me up so good.”
I laughed. “Is that a good thing or bad?”
“It’s the best thing.”
We stood there like idiots for a moment, grinning at each other in the dark. I loved him so much it was almost funny. Almost. The laughing part of it was going to wear off and then I was just going to be standing in the wreckage of my own heart come September. I wouldn’t be laughing then.
I took a long drink of my beer and we started walking again. He drank from his bottle. We weren’t moving fast at all. If I had my way, we’d walk all the way to Washington.
I started chewing my lower lip. I’d been doing it since the coffee shop. Lana’s face in the alley. The way she’d said please. And I thought about him and what was happening between us. Or what could happen.
I didn’t want secrets between us. We’d been operating in secret for too long. I wasn’t doing it again. I wasn’t going to be the woman who kept things from him and told herself it was for someone else’s benefit. If I wanted anything with him, it needed to be on a clean slate.
“I have something I want to tell you,” I said.
He looked over at me. “Okay.”
“I’m not sure it’s entirely my place to say it.”
He was quiet for a beat, letting me find my way there. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“I know.” I pressed my lips together. “That’s the problem.
I want to tell you. I just also told someone I wouldn’t.
I’m in the middle of two people I care about.
” I stopped walking and turned to face him.
The stars weren’t out, but the moon was in full glory.
“I know that sounds like I’m already making excuses. Maybe I am. Ugh, this is so messy.”
“Summer.” His voice was patient. “Whatever it is, just say it.”
I blew out a breath. “I know who keyed your car.”
His eyes held mine as he waited. I loved that he didn’t push. He didn’t seem upset, but he was definitely waiting for me to tell him.
“It was Lana,” I said. “She did all of it.”
He didn’t say anything immediately. I watched him turn it over. He looked out at the water for a moment before looking back at me.
“Lana,” he repeated. “I’m not sure who that is.”
“She’s at the bonfire. Dark hair. Young.”
“Ah, the one that’s been staring at me all night. I thought she was going to tell me she thought I was a piece of shit.”
“She told me this afternoon. She was a mess about it. She watched your video and completely fell apart.” I turned my beer bottle slowly in my hands.
“She knows it was wrong. She knew it when she was doing it. But she was angry and scared and she loves this town. She didn’t know what else to do with all of it.
Lana has been through a lot. I know that’s not an excuse but it’s true. ”
He was quiet again. I couldn’t read him and it made me nervous. Was he going to call the police? Sue her?
“She wants to tell you herself,” I said. “She asked me not to say anything yet. I told her I wouldn’t until she did, but I don’t want secrets between us.” I looked at him directly. “I didn’t want anything sitting between us. Not even something small.”
“I’m not mad,” he said.
“At me or at her?”
“Either.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked back toward the distant glow of the bonfire. “She was at the protest.”
I blinked. “You noticed her?”
“I notice things.” He glanced at me. “At the bonfire, she looked like someone trying to talk themselves into something.”
“She’s terrified of you.”
He made a sound that wasn’t quite a laugh. “She keyed a Mercedes bumper to bumper and she’s terrified of me? Never mind what she did to the site.”
“She messed up,” I said. “She’s sorry. And I’m sorry she did it. Lana is an amazing young woman. She lost her dream and she’s been struggling.”
“She’s got guts,” he said finally.
“She really does.”
“Terrible judgment,” he added. “But guts.” He paused. “She’s going places, that kid.”
“That’s what I think too,” I said. “Prison, possibly, if she doesn’t learn to redirect.”
He burst out laughing. He shook his head and looked at me with those eyes that made me feel like the center of the universe.
“Thank you for telling me,” he said.
“Thank you for not being furious at me for knowing.”
“Why would I be furious at you?”
“Because I said I wouldn’t tell and then I told anyway.”
“You told me because you didn’t want a secret between us.” He stepped closer, standing his beer in the sand before he cupped my face in both hands, tipping it up toward his. “That is the opposite of something to be furious about.”
I put my hand over his. The beer bottle dangled from my fingers.
“When she comes to you,” I said quietly, “be decent about it.”
“I’m always decent.”
I raised one eyebrow.
“I will.”
“She’s going to offer to pay for the car.”
He shook his head. “I’m not taking her money.”
“Colt, she needs some kind of consequence.”
“Summer.” His thumbs brushed my cheekbones. “I’m not taking a twenty-two-year-old’s money over a car. I can fix my own car. I have insurance, and even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t take a penny from her.” He looked at me. “I’ll let her apologize. I’ll accept it. That’s enough.”
I exhaled slowly. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he echoed.
He kissed me again. I leaned into it. The ocean moved around our feet with the faint woodsmoke drifting down from the bonfire.
I pulled back and looked up at him. “We should probably go back before Capri sends a search party.”
“Probably,” he agreed. He didn’t move.
“Colt.”
“Give me one more minute,” he said. “I’m not done standing here with you.”
I laughed softly and leaned my head against his chest. His arms came around me and we stood there at the edge of the dark water. I listened to his heartbeat under my ear and tried not to think about September. I was almost successful.
Almost.
“I… I’m really happy,” I admitted.
He went still against me. I felt the change in his breathing, the slight shift of his chest beneath my cheek. I lifted my head and looked up at him.
The vulnerability was excruciating. Becca’s voice was in my ear. She was right about just ripping that band-aid off. I didn’t want to delay the inevitable.
“I need to know something,” I said. My voice came out a little shaky. “You don’t have to answer tonight. Or tomorrow. But I need your answer soon. Okay?”
He straightened slightly, his hands dropping from my waist to settle at my hips. He was giving me his full attention.
“Okay,” he said.
I looked down at the water for just a second and gathered the strength to finish pouring my soul out. I was giving him my heart on a silver platter.
“I’ve caught feelings,” I said. “Strong ones. And before you say anything, I know that’s not exactly breaking news given last night, but I need you to understand what I mean.
” I made myself look at him. “They’re exactly like they used to be.
Every bit of it. Being with you, these last few weeks, it’s been making me want things I haven’t let myself think about in a really long time.
Things I stopped entertaining because it hurt too much.
” I pressed my lips together and held his gaze.
“And I’m happy. I am genuinely, completely happy.
But I’m also terrified, because I know myself, and I know that if I let myself go any further down this road without knowing what’s at the end of it, I’m going to be standing in a pile of rubble again come September. ”
He hadn’t moved. His hands on my hips were completely still. There was a bit more pressure in his hold, which I wasn’t sure how to translate.
“So I need to know what your plans are,” I said quietly. “When the dust settles with Judd Mathers. When the work here is done and the town is safe and you’ve done everything you came to do.” I swallowed. “Are you going back to Texas?”
I watched him process. He was freaking out. I saw it in his eyes. He figured staying perfectly still would make it go away. I felt the urge to fill the silence. To walk it back. To say never mind, forget it, I was just talking. I didn’t.
He opened his mouth. Closed it again.
I managed a small smile. It wasn’t easy but I managed. I rose up onto my toes and pressed my lips to his cheek, just below his cheekbone. His stubble grazed my mouth. I stayed there for a second before pulling back.
“You have time to answer,” I told him softly. “It doesn’t need to be tonight, but as soon as you know.”
I reached down and found his hand in the dark, lacing my fingers through his. He held on immediately. Like he was making sure I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Come on,” I said. “You look like you could use a drink.”
He laughed quietly. He picked his beer up from the sand and fell into step beside me.
We walked back toward the bonfire without saying anything else. I didn’t feel the need to fill the space. I’d done the hard thing. My confession was out there. That felt terrifying and also, unexpectedly, like relief.
The fire was still going strong. Someone had added wood while we were gone.
The flames were higher, throwing more light across the circle of faces.
Capri spotted us the moment we came back into the glow and raised her bottle in our direction.
I raised mine back. I shook my head slightly, which she understood to mean later.
Lana was still there, standing on the far side of the fire. She didn’t know that I’d told him. I’d deal with that later. Colt’s hand moved in a slow circle at my back. I leaned into him slightly and he let me.
I was happy. I was genuinely happy and I knew it was dangerous. I didn’t care. I had done everything I could do. I’d been honest. I’d been brave. Whatever he decided, he was going to decide it knowing exactly where I stood.
The rest was in his hands now.