Chapter 32
We’re lying in bed, divided by our pillow wall. Our bellies are full of Barbara Plum’s chicken dish, and we have both agreed she achieved high standards of casserole-making greatness.
Through a gap in the curtain, I can see that it’s dark outside and there’s a sprinkling of stars.
‘I look forward to our chats over our pillow wall.’ The sound of his voice makes my heart beat faster. It gives me a rush of tingling sensations. Why do I feel like my body is being traitorous again?
A smile spreads across my face. ‘Me too.’
He sighs. ‘I’m sorry I missed this last night.’
Oh, God, his words are lighting me up inside. I’m surprised I’ve not turned into one of those lava lamps from the nineties.
I think he’s facing the wall. His voice sounds closer.
‘While I was making our tea, I wrote down a few ideas for a book.’
‘Really?’
‘This old house has given me some ideas.’
He needs to return to writing. It will do him good. ‘That’s great news,’ I say.
There’s a long pause, and I wonder whether he’s fallen asleep. ‘I’m struggling a bit at the moment, Nelly.’
‘I know.’
He stays silent for ages. I don’t try to fill the gap.
‘Do you know about what happened to me a few years ago?’
‘I know about the reality TV show.’
‘Oh.’
‘That must have been incredibly tough for you.’
‘It was.’ He sighs. ‘I feel like I am in a revolving door of pain right now. Coming back here was a bad decision.’
‘Why did you come back here?’
‘Molly, my ex-girlfriend, grew up near here. She’s moved back to be nearer her parents.’
I stay silent.
‘She’s living with Rory, my ex-best mate.’
‘I’m sorry.’
Ah, so that’s who Rory is.
There’s another lengthy silence. ‘The day before Molly went on that reality TV show, she told me she was pregnant.’
I stare in horror towards the pillow wall.
‘It was early in the pregnancy, like five weeks, and not something we had planned. She told me that while she was on the show, she would consider what she wanted to do.’
He sniffs, and I wonder whether he’s getting emotional. ‘When she came off the show, she had to go into hiding because the public turned on her after the way she’d treated me. Even though she’d done that to me, I stood by her as she was pregnant with my child.’
I can’t believe what I am hearing. Nothing that I read online mentioned a child. That was so brave of him for standing by Molly.
His voice is cracking. ‘We broke up before Alfie was born.’
The name Alfie lights up my mind. Alfie was who he was talking about in his sleep. ‘You have a son. That’s amazing.’
‘Yes, he’s two years old. He’s fantastic and he loves his teddy and big red toy trucks.’
The jigsaw pieces of Oliver are starting to fit together in my mind.
He sniffs. ‘I’ve moved back here for him and to help Molly with co-parenting. I didn’t want to be a father who lives in London and sees his son only on weekends. I want to do the school picks up, homework and watch his class assemblies.’
Hearing him talk about his plans for Alfie makes me smile. I can hear the excitement in his voice.
‘You sound like you are going to be a great father.’
He blows his nose. ‘I moved here to be closer to Alfie. Going over to Molly’s new house to read my son a bedtime story while my ex-best mate plays happy families with my ex-girlfriend and my son has been excruciating.
Sometimes Rory goes out while I do bedtime, which is Molly’s idea.
It works; however, after I put Alfie to bed, I head into town, and I always end up bumping into Rory.
We like the same sort of pubs. He tries to talk to me, which makes me angry.
It was Rory who punched me when I started shouting at him in a pub.
Sometimes he’s in the house, and I get frustrated when I see him with my son.
That’s what happened when I kicked the kerb. ’
I hear him get emotional.
‘I’ve found it so hard, Nelly.’ He breaks into a sob. It isn’t loud, but it sounds like one of those cries you let out when you’ve reached the bottom of your barrel. ‘She broke my heart once with that French model, and now I feel like she’s doing it again with Rory.’
Oliver has been through hell. ‘I’m sorry you’re going through this.’
He sniffs. ‘When I heard Rory was moving in, I stopped writing. That was when my writer’s block began.’
I can see now why he’s struggling to write his romance books. ‘I’m not surprised.’
‘Rory betrayed me, and I will never forgive him.’
‘How do you feel about Molly?’
He pauses. ‘She’s the mother to Alfie, and she’s good with him.’ There is another silence. It’s longer and I wonder whether he wants to be alone with his thoughts.
I hear him sniffing and my heart aches. ‘I don’t love her any more,’ he croaks. ‘There’s only so much my heart can withstand. I’ve said too much. I should get some sleep.’
‘You can talk as much as you want.’
‘I worry I’m keeping you awake with my oversharing.’
‘I don’t mind.’
He turns his pillow over. ‘We’ve kept Alfie a secret.
Molly is still paranoid about bad press.
I’d had several books published with smaller presses before the reality show.
Around the time of her reality show, I got a big book deal, and that’s when I decided to use a pen name. I never mention that I’m a father.’
‘That must be hard for you. You sound like the sort of father who wants to talk about his son and tell the world how proud you are of him.’
‘Nelly, you’re one of the few people in this world who have said that. Everyone thinks about Molly’s needs, and mine get disregarded. I would love to shout about my son.’
We both go silent for a while. I think about everything he’s been through. I am not surprised he’s been acting chaotic living here.
* * *
When I wake up and head to the bathroom, I find it empty. I check the kitchen and the living room, but there’s no sign of Oliver.
As I make my morning coffee and feed Lenny, I hear the front door slam shut.
‘Morning, Nelly,’ Oliver calls, grinning as he walks up the hallway and stands in the doorway to the kitchen. I blink. He’s in a white T-shirt that clings to his chest, blue running shorts and trainers. His hair is damp with sweat, and his arms are flushed with exertion.
I immediately pretend to need something in a drawer.
A moment later, he’s leaning casually in the doorway, his chest rising and falling, and his cheeks pink. The sight of him sends my brain into a mild meltdown. I try to stamp out the flutters and warmth that’s coursing through my veins, but I can’t.
He lifts his T-shirt to wipe his brow, and I look up. Oh, God, he has defined abs.
‘How are you?’
I’m trying to erase the image of his tanned abs from my mind.
‘Nelly?’
‘I’m fine. How are you?’
He smiles. ‘Thanks for listening to me last night. I woke up this morning and felt lighter. This bed-sharing arrangement will help me.’
‘That’s good.’
‘I woke up early and thought I would go for a run.’ He wipes his sweaty forehead with his T-shirt, and once again I get to see those delicious abs.
I can feel my face reddening.
‘I need to get ready for work.’
As I pass, he steps out of my way. ‘I’m looking forward to tonight. Bed-sharing is becoming the highlight of my day.’
I glance back at him, and he shoots me a dazzling smile. It takes my heart a long time to recover.