Chapter 41 - Tessa
The past two days have felt like some weird out-of-body experience, a dream-like state where I am trying to process and work through my feelings.
I know I need to tell Nate. I know there is a lot we need to talk about.
But I need to know for sure. I need to confirm this, have all the information, so when I go to him, I am ready.
What that means at this point, I am not exactly sure.
But it all feels like too much. I don’t know how I made the appointment.
Somewhere between the test turning positive and the sun dropping behind the ridge, my body moved without asking my permission.
Fingers dialling the clinic number. Voice answering questions I barely heard. Feet carrying me to the truck.
Summit City feels sharp and glossy when I pull into the parking lot. The clinic’s glass doors reflect back a version of me I barely recognize, pale, tired, wrapped in Nate’s old hoodie because when I stood crying in my closet, it was the only thing I wanted to wear.
I check in, sit down and fold into myself. The waiting room smells like antiseptic and winter coats. A baby fusses somewhere behind a partition. Someone scrolls through Instagram with their sound on, tinny little pops of audio bouncing around.
My stomach flips so hard I press my hand against it.
The nurse calls my name. Inside the exam room, everything feels too quiet. The doctor is kind, middle-aged, with a warm smile, the kind of presence that makes you want to cry for no reason. She looks over the forms, the notes I scribbled: irregular periods, nausea, dizziness, stress.
“Your at-home test was positive?” she asks gently.
I nod.
“Let’s take a look then. I will check your hormone levels, and we’ll do a dating scan, make sure everything looks healthy.”
Everything inside me goes still, but I force myself to keep going. I lie back, lift my shirt, and try to breathe as the gel hits my skin.
She moves the wand; I squeeze my eyes closed and then...
There’s a sound. A fast, steady thumping.
I blink away tears and swallow hard. My throat tightens instantly.
“That’s the heartbeat,” she says softly. “Strong and clear.”
I cover my mouth with my hand because I wasn’t ready. Not for this. Not for the proof that it’s real. That inside me is something alive and bright and beating, as if it were always meant to be. Tears slip sideways into my hair.
“You’re measuring about seventeen weeks,” the doctor continues. “Which puts your due date around mid-July.”
Seventeen weeks, I’m almost halfway... I had no idea.
My entire body is cold and hot at once. The doctor keeps speaking, but her voice feels muffled, like I’m underwater.
“Blood pressure is low... explains your dizziness. I’m prescribing something safe for nausea. Avoid riding horses for now. Light work only. And eat saltier foods. Pickles help.”
She laughs.
I try to, but it comes out choked. My fingers tremble when she hands me the ultrasound photos. One has the profile, a small nose, a round forehead, and a tiny, curled hand. The other shows the pulsing flutter of the heart. I stare so long that everything blurs.
“One for you,” the doctor says. “You can take extra copies if you’d like.”
I ask for a second copy, and she prints it out while she talks about the next steps.
Outside, the cold hits my lungs in a way that almost hurts.
I’m halfway across the parking lot when I hear it:
Click.
Then another and another. I look up, startled. A guy with a long lens camera duck behind a car, pretending he wasn’t just photographing me holding ultrasound pictures in one hand and prescription papers in the other.
My stomach twists. Fuck.
I should have been more careful; I should have known this could happen.
I drive to the penthouse before I can think it through. My hands grip the steering wheel like it’s the only thing keeping me upright. The city moves around me, cars honking, snow slush spraying, but I barely register any of it.
All I can think is he deserves to know; I have to tell him in person; he has to hear it from me first. I park underground, climb the stairs slowly to the lobby and take the longest elevator ride of my life.
My hand slides into my pocket, clutching the ultrasound photo so tightly that the paper is warm.
My pulse is in my ears when I knock.
I hear music and then footsteps, the door swings open. But it’s not Nate.
It’s a girl I’ve never seen before. She's tall, with bleached hair, and she is wearing one of his old team hoodies, as if she owns it. She looks me up and down with a scrunched expression, voice coated in disdain.
“Can I help you?”
My mouth opens, closes. “I-I’m looking for Nate.”
She snorts. “He’s not here.”
I nod, trying not to flinch under her glare. “Okay. Sorry. I’ll just...”
“Yeah,” she says, already closing the door. “Probably don’t just show up unannounced next time.”
Her tone slices something raw inside me. I take a shaky step back. Then another. But before I can turn to leave, someone calls my name:
“Tess?”
I look past the girl and see Liam as he stands from the couch, controller dangling from his hand. Erik is beside him, eyes widening. Two rookies, half-eating pizza, freeze mid-bite. The girl huffs and walks away, annoyed she’s being overruled.
Liam rushes over. “Holy shit... hey, hey, are you okay?”
I shake my head, blinking too fast. “I... um... I came to talk to Nate. I need to tell him something important.”
The guy’s exchange looks that are full of things they don’t know how to say.
Erik runs a hand through his hair. “Tessa… he’s not here. He hasn’t really been here since New Year’s. He plays his games and then he… goes home.”
“Home?” My voice cracks.
“To the farm,” Liam says gently. “Every day after practice, after every game. Every night.”
My throat tightens painfully.
“He loves you,” Liam adds quietly. “Like… really loves you. Tessa, I know he messed up, but I don’t think he knows how to be without you.”
The words hit too directly, too tenderly. I have to look at the floor, or I’ll break open right here in front of them. I can’t deal with them right now, not with the ultrasound photo burning a hole in my pocket. I take a slow breath through my nose, steadying myself.
“If you see him before I do…” My voice is barely there. “Just tell him I came by. That I needed to talk to him.”
“Tessa...” Erik starts.
But I’m already stepping back, I am already moving through the hall. Already clutching the little black-and-white picture like it’s the only anchor I have left.
I make it to the elevator before the tears come. Quiet at first, then harder, and I press my hand to my belly in the empty elevator and whisper.
“We will tell him soon. We will find him and tell him. I promise.”
The elevator doors close, the ultrasound photo shakes in my hand and for the first time since that heartbeat echoed in the dark room, I let myself feel terrified.
Truly, wholly terrified.
Because this isn’t just about me anymore.
And it never will be again.