Chapter 47 - Tessa
I should’ve known they wouldn’t leave even this untouched.
The funeral was supposed to be private.
Just family, close friends. The people who actually knew, loved and respected him.
That’s what Maggie wanted, what John insisted on. That’s what I begged for. And for a little while, it almost stayed that way.
From the hospital to here felt like a blur.
Like fragments of memories that I was trying to stick together.
I couldn't go back home, couldn't go to the Carsons, so I ended up at Chase's place with Kenzie.
Adam brought us food; someone brought us clothes.
.. Guilt crept in because I couldn't face any of it.
I couldn't face the pity, the sympathy, the fact that my pregnancy was now public knowledge.
John and Maggie didn't push for us to come back because the media and fans had swarmed the farm. They were trying to keep me as far from it as possible.
Eli showed up, promising they had been working with the police and that we would be able to grieve in peace.
A small country church, with hard wooden pews. Pine boughs hung over all the windowsills because Kenzie said Nate always loved the smell of winter. As I sat staring at the closed casket, all I could picture were the flares, the wreck, the blue tint of his lips... the last words he gave me...
I sat in the front row between Maggie and Eli. The pastor spoke of family and Nate being in a better place. But that couldn't be right. How could anything be better than being here with his child? I tried to push down the fog, the all-consuming sorrow, but it was there, ready to swallow me whole.
At some point, Maggie wrapped her arm around me, and I leaned into her without thinking. We cried the same way, silently, shaking, as if we were trying not to disturb anyone.
For a moment, it felt like the world had respected the line we drew.
And then it didn’t, just as the pastor finished speaking, someone’s phone buzzed, then another and another. A ripple of discomfort moved through the small crowd.
The side door to the church opened, and a few of the police officers stepped through. Whispers reached us, but I was already slipping...
“Someone posted… the location.”
“…already outside…”
“…news crews…”
“…the baby…”
That one pulled me back; my spine went rigid, pulse beating in places I didn’t know a heart could reach. Eli’s head snapped toward the whispers.
We were asked to wait while reinforcements arrived. But nothing could have prepared me for walking out of the church.
A wall of people greeted me with the blinding flash of lights. A mix of fans, reporters, massive lenses, and strangers holding signs with our names on them.
We were being moved forward as people screamed and cried around us. Flashes made me want to crawl into myself.
A woman reached over the rope line, wailing, “Oh my God, is that HER? That’s her, she’s the one he loved!”
Flashbulbs exploded in every direction, and questions were shouted at us like gunfire:
“How far along are you?”
“Were you two engaged?”
“Is it true he was retiring for you?”
“Do you want to say a few words about his legacy?”
“Was the pregnancy planned?”
My stomach turned so violently I had to stop, and I bent over, bracing my hands on my knees.
It felt like it was too much; I couldn't breathe.
I stood up and stumbled. I heard someone yell for me; they sounded frantic, but then I felt hands on me.
Relief was instant and disappeared just as quickly.
Because hands were grabbing at me. Someone grabbed my coat sleeve; another palmed my stomach.
Eli reacted first; he stepped between the crowd and me with a force I’d never seen from him before. He shoved a man’s hand away so hard the guy stumbled back, bringing a wave of people with him. John appeared out of nowhere, pulling me behind him, as Kenzie and Maggie pulled me between them.
“BACK UP!” Eli roared.
He was a wall, wide, furious, shaking, and I realized he was seconds away from losing control.
Chase came up beside me and grabbed my hand, pulling me behind him.
“Tessa, stay close. Do NOT let go of me, do you hear me?”
I nodded, but I wasn’t really in my body. The noise felt like a hive of bees trapped inside my skull. People kept shouting:
“You’re carrying his child!”
“She’s the girlfriend!”
“Look at her belly, she’s showing!”
“The baby’s part of his legacy!”
“Can you smile for one photo? Please?”
Smile...
Smile?
I felt something break, something shift. This wasn’t grief, this wasn’t mourning... this was consumption. They wanted pieces of him. Pieces of us. Pieces of my child.
Everything was moving around me in fragments.
Eli shoved someone back who had reached too far. John shouted at security to "do their fucking jobs".
I got pulled away again, and everything spun. But then I saw Kenzie; she fought through the crowd to reach me, tears streaming down her face, yelling at a reporter who tried to snap a close-up.
I heard someone yell: “GET THAT SHOT!”
And that was the moment everything inside me snapped. I turned toward the sea of cameras and microphones and open mouths, throat burning, vision sharp and shaking.
“STOP!” I screamed.
The crowd jerked back. They looked offended.
My voice tore straight out of my grief... raw, broken, feral.
“Quit touching me! Quit touching my baby! Quit USING him! Let us BURY him! PLEASE... just stop!”
Silence didn’t fall; it didn't last. Everything exploded around us. Time blurred, and then Eli was there, wrapped around me, tucking me in beside him like he could shield me from everything.
“We’re leaving,” he growled. “Clear a path.”
Security pushed bodies aside, and Nate's teammates physically blocked reporters from reaching me again. Kenzie held my other hand so tight her knuckles went white. We moved through the chaos like a ship trying to break through a storm.
Shouts and flashes followed us. Someone screamed, “YOU’RE CARRYING THE LAST PIECE OF HIM. TESSA, PLEASE... YOU OWE HIS FANS!”
I didn’t look back. Inside the SUV, the doors slammed, muting the roar outside.
I collapsed forward, elbows on my knees, hands grasping my stomach. I cried so hard it sounded like something breaking open.
Eli pulled me into him, “They don’t get to have him,” he whispered. “And they don’t get to have you either.”
I shook, sobbing into his shirt, "I can't do this alone... He is gone, and they are still going to keep coming back for more."
Eli kissed the top of my head, "You are not alone. I am here, and I have you, Tessa."
I closed my eyes and grounded myself in the comfort of Eli. As the SUV tried to move forward and the crowd pushed in, I let myself slip away.