Chapter 4
I can do this.
My stomach churned as I parked my dad’s old truck outside of Outlaws, the small town honkytonk. I had never really gone to the bar, having left Rustdale long before I was of legal drinking age. That being said, I’d heard more than enough about it to know what I was getting myself into.
A lot of familiar faces.
I flipped the visor down, peering in the mirror at my lightly done makeup. I had never been one to really goop it on, but I did like to accentuate my dark green eyes. I pushed a stray lock of auburn hair from my face and blew out a sigh. It was still ten minutes to eight, and I was no in rush to walk in until I was due. I pushed the visor back into place, and scanned the vehicles parked around me.
My heart beat unevenly in my chest as I searched for anything that struck a nerve. I wasn’t sure what I’d possibly find, but for some reason, I felt the need to look over my shoulder. Well, and… What if he’s here?
It seemed like a stretch, but not impossible .
I glanced at my smartwatch once more. I needed to just suck it up and go in. “Just a couple of drinks and I can go,” I grumbled to myself as I slid out of the truck, having opted for a flowy black halter tank top and bootcut jeans. It felt strange to dress like I always used to, and part of me worried what kind of image that made for me. I didn’t want to give off a single and ready to mingle vibe.
If that was even possible to do in Rustdale.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out, seeing a text from my mom.
Mom: Have a good time! Tell Sarah I say hello.
Chuckling to myself, I texted her back a quick ‘thanks,’ feeling like I was a teenager all over again heading out for a night with my friends. It might’ve been a nostalgic moment, but then my mind flashed back to how my teenage years ended. I quickly pushed the thought of it all away, not wanting to revisit the trauma wrapped up in those same feel-good years.
Not everyone gets the romanticized, idealistic small-town happy ending.
My boots crunched on the gravel as I headed toward the front door of the bar with faded wooden siding, noting a few men standing out front chit-chatting. They were smoking cigarettes in one hand and holding their beers in the other, all dawning pearl snap Wrangler shirts and starched jeans. I didn’t recognize a single one of them, but clearly, they were trying to recognize me as their eyes narrowed in my direction.
“Hey, darlin’,” one of them called as I pushed through the old saloon style door. I didn’t bother to acknowledge whoever said it, keeping my eyes focused straight ahead. I wasn’t here to socialize with anyone but Sarah.
The bar was smaller than I had imagined it would be from the outside, but there was still a decent sized dance floor and a few tables. It didn’t take but a second for my eyes to find a cute, overdressed blonde in a black dress at one of the central tables—smack dab in the middle of the room.
“Hey Sarah,” I greeted her, forcing a smile as I climbed onto the tall chair. “This place is...”
“Authentic,” Sarah finished for me. “I’ve always thought it looks just like the bars and honkytonks that you see on TV—like Yellowstone or something. I love that show.”
“It’s not bad,” I laughed lightly, feeling momentarily relieved by the warmth she radiated. “But yeah, I guess this place is authentic to the town.”
She smiled. “I got you a beer. Well, actually, I got us a bucket of beers. It’s so much cheaper that way. I hope you like Coors. I feel like everyone likes Coors, but I can get you something else.”
“Thanks, but this works,” I said, taking one of the bottles from the bucket of ice in the center of our table. “I do like Coors, so this is perfect.” I popped the top off, and took a sip, trying not to people watch. However, I couldn’t help myself. My eyes scanned the room, looking for any familiar faces—just like I had done in the parking lot...
But much to my surprise, I didn’t see a single person I once knew.
“So, you said you’re not staying here long?” Sarah’s voice grabbed my attention. “Are you due back in, um...” Her eyes diverted to her lit-up phone sitting on the table beside her beer. She hit the lock button, looking up at me with a smile. “Chicago, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s where I worked at the firm with my ex-husband, but I actually quit about six months ago. I don’t really have anything planned right now. I figured I’d take the down time to figure out where I want to go from here.”
“You know Greg is retiring soon.” She perked up, leaning against her hand. “I know that Lucas was using him for some of his stuff goin’ on with the county.”
“Oh?” I couldn’t hide my surprise. “I never really pegged him as the type to get in trouble.”
“Well, you know...” her voice trailed off as her gaze dropped to her hands, and then back up at me. “There’s only so much to do in a small town. People get bored, and when people get bored, they sometimes end up mixed in stuff they wouldn’t have otherwise.”
“Yeah, that’s one way to put it,” I said carefully, sipping on the beer. I had no intention of having more than one, but that was just because I had no idea what my limit was. I never drank anymore.
“Have you started dating again?” The question wasn’t surprising, especially coming from Sarah. “I bet all the guys around here would be dying for a chance to take you out.”
“I doubt they even remember who I am,” I laughed. “But no, I haven’t. I don’t really think that I’m going to focus on that right now. I spent way too long caught up in a relationship with someone who, at the end of the day, didn’t care about me.”
Her smile faded, her blue eyes laced with understanding. “I get it, sort of. Lucas and I weren’t really like that, I guess. We just... Well, he started getting involved in stuff that I wasn’t okay with, so I finally set some boundaries.” She let out a heavy, pained sigh. “And those boundaries led to divorce— from him. Can you believe that? Took the cops three weeks to find him for court on a drug charge, but he made sure the papers were served to me.”
I nodded, not knowing what else to say to her. “That really sucks.”
“Oh, you know, it is what it is…. But I’m dating now,” her demeanor quickly brightened. “I was always told the best way to move on was to find someone else.”
Classy advice.
I kept my voice even. “And so I take it that you’ve found a rebound then?”
“More like rebounds ,” she beamed, giving me a sly look. “You’d be amazed at how much attention I got from all the men in this town after the divorce. It was just wild. Grammy Lin told me they were all just waiting for their chance.”
“I can only imagine.” My tone was light and nonchalant, but in all truth, a felt a little hint of jealousy deep in my chest. When I got divorced, no one cared about it.
“Yeah, girl, I have had so many suitors. Like, men have come out of the woodwork professing their undying love for me.” She downed the rest of her beer and then giggled, “It’s so much fun.”
“I think everyone had a crush on you in high school.” My gaze slipped toward the bar, where a guy in a cowboy hat was serving up drinks. He glanced our way, and I quickly dropped my eyes to my beer.
“Oh my gosh, no,” she played it off, but the way she flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder gave her away. “You had a fair share of crushes yourself, being the tough cowgirl, and all that. But let’s see... Who would you know that I’ve dated...” Sarah was in deep thought, her mouth in a flat line as her eyes shifted around the bar.
Take your time.
I pulled out my phone, glancing down at the empty screen, devoid of any notifications. Meanwhile, Sarah’s was lighting up constantly. I was too old to be envious, but the ache of loneliness this town brought made it hard not to feel some amount of jealousy.
“ Oh, I’ve gone out a few times with Blaze Harris—he’s the ranch manager over at your parents’ place. He was super- hot and so charming, but he’s totally emotionally unavailable.”
I sat my phone down. “He’s something, that’s for sure,” I managed to say, shifting uncomfortably in my chair. “I don’t really know him though. I could see him being emotionally unavailable.” And full of himself.
“Yeah, I’m waiting on his call, but he’s busy like all the time.” Sarah sounded annoyed just as her phone started vibrating against the tabletop again. “ Ugh, I swear...” Her eyes were on the phone again, but only for a split second. She silenced it and flipped it over, screen down.
“You’re popular,” I teased, noticing that her smile had faded. “Just like always.”
“Something like that. But anyway, I’ve seen Ty Miller, Jack Carson, and um...” Sarah’s hands went to her lap, and she leaned a little, looking right past me. “Garrett Myers has also been around quite a bit, but not like that.”
I froze at the name, feeling as though all the oxygen had been sucked right out of the room. “Oh?” was all I could manage to choke out as my stomach tightened, and I was reminded once again why I never came home.
“Yeah.” Her eyes jumped from whatever was behind me to my face and then back to her phone, which I hadn’t noticed buzzing again. “You know, he still mentions you sometimes.”
I blinked a few times, trying to wish the nausea away. “I don’t know why. ”
Sarah furrowed her brow at me. “He’s… stuck. ”
“He’s stuck?” I retorted, my tone growing sharper than I intended. I bit down on my cheek to keep from saying anything more.
Sarah eyed me, a cautiousness to her tone. “He was married, too. It wasn’t ever right for him though.”
I don’t want to hear this. I don’t care. It’s been sixteen years.
But I found myself getting lost in her words, anyway, my heart skipping beats. “Who was it?”
“Some girl named Brittany. She’s not from here. She put her sights on him, and it was a kind of sympathy case, you know? Like picking up a dog up from the pound.”
Or jail.
“Anyway, it wasn’t meant to be. But I really need to use the bathroom.” Her voice shifted as she slid off the chair, grabbing up her phone. Something about the way she was acting was suddenly... off.
“Are you okay, Sarah?” I asked just as she turned to go.
“Oh yeah, for sure.” She smiled at me, though it didn’t reach her pale blue eyes. “Um, just so you know, I already paid for the beer. Don’t leave yet.”
Before I could say anything to her comment, she spun on her heel and took off toward a hallway just off the dance floor.
What the heck was that about?