Chapter 9
Please, just get in the truck.
Garrett’s heart pounded in his chest as he waited for Beth to weigh her options. He knew there was a chance she’d tell him to screw off, and maybe that’s what he deserved.
“Fine,” she said quietly. “But not long. I have things I need to do today.”
He looked past her to Blaze, the strange cowboy, glaring at him. “Yeah, I get that. Come on. I’ll have you back in an hour tops. I’m not here to waste your time, Beth.” Saying her name felt like conjuring up his demons, the ones he tried to numb with the bottle, but he had told himself last night that he would sleep it off, get up, and make good on his word.
And that’s what he’d done.
Because that’s what Beth deserved.
He opened up the passenger door for her, and she slid in. He closed it, still feeling the eyes of everyone on his back as he walked around to the driver’s side. He was certain that no one had seen him sober outside of the mechanic shop, and even then, he was usually sipping something strong to get by. His dad was probably cursing under his breath, but he had no idea.
Garrett was dead sober.
If he was going to talk to Beth, he was going to feel everything there was to feel—no matter how bad it hurt. He climbed into the truck, and closed the door, catching a whiff of Beth’s lavender scent as she redid her hair. He eyed her, trying not to stare too long. There was a time in his life that stealing glances at Beth Young had been his favorite hobby, but he had no hope that it would be something that he’s have the privilege to do again.
He put the truck in reverse and backed out of the drive. “Are you hungry or anything?” He forced out the question, mostly to fill the silence. He already knew her answer.
“No.” She dug her phone out of her pocket and started texting. “I’m just telling my mom that I’ll be back in an hour.”
“Ain’t my business who you talk to.”
She glanced up then, her brows furrowed. “I was just trying not to be rude.”
“You can be rude, if you want.” Garrett navigated the long, winding road, careful not to drive too fast. There was a time he and Sam had driven like bats out of hell down the thing, fishtailing and acting young and dumb.
And they’d paid the consequences.
“I don’t want to be rude,” Beth’s words caught his attention as he turned right, heading deeper into rural back country. He needed to drive slow, because this conversation wasn’t going to be an easy one. “But I’d love to know why you suddenly want to talk to me.”
He glanced over at her, her green eyes locked onto his face, her phone in her lap. “Don’t you think it’s time to clear the air? It’s been sixteen years, Beth, and you still look at me with the same level of anger you did that night.”
“I haven’t seen you since then.”
“Because you avoided me.”
“Really?” she shot back at him, shifting her body in his direction. “Is that what you think? Or maybe, it’s the fact that you’ve been drowning yourself in alcohol since Sam died.”
I deserved that. I deserve whatever she says to me.
He swallowed hard, and took a left, going down one of the more remote roads. “I’ve been dealing with my mistakes in a bad way, but what else am I supposed to do? This town looks at me like I’m a murderer, Beth.”
“Well, if the shoe fits?—”
“ Don’t, ” he snapped at her, stopping and throwing the truck in park. “You think I wanted that to happen, huh? You think I wanted to crash that truck and kill my best friend? I never wanted to hurt anybody.”
“Should’ve thought about that before?—”
“I wasn’t drunk!” he roared, throwing his hands in the air. He took a deep breath to calm down, trying not to lose it. “I wasn’t drunk that night, and you know that. You know how stupid Sam got when he drank. He jerked the wheel being dumb, Beth.”
“I didn’t see it,” she said quietly, her eyes shifting to the window. “And I don’t know why we’re stuck here discussing something like it happened yesterday. The whole world has moved on. You’re married, and I’ve lived a whole other life since that night. It’s over. Done.”
“Right,” he scoffed, his chest feeling tight. “So, if it’s all done and over for you, then why won’t you come home, huh? Why can’t we be friends? Or, I don’t know, maybe just not strangers? Enemies? Whatever the heck this is.”
Beth peered out the window. “I don’t know.”
“We were fighting that night,” Garrett continued, not afraid to say what he needed. He needed this conversation with her. Maybe then, he could fix his life and let her go. “But I don’t remember why.”
She stared at the dash, and then looked back at him. “Why does it matter? Mom said you’re married now.”
He sighed, running his hands over his face. “I’m not married anymore. Well, technically, I guess I am. I can’t get her to sign the papers. We’ve been separated for two years, Beth, and it’s not what you think it is.”
“Right, never is what I think when it comes to you,” Beth quipped. “That’s the whole problem. It’s always everyone else, and not you. It’s her, right? She’s probably crazy? ”
Garrett shook his head, not even wanting to dive into the subject of Brittany. “It’s not about her. I just wanted to clear the air between us, and I wanted to find some kind of peace with everything that happened. I can’t forgive myself, because I still can’t stand your absence in this place. You loved this town. You loved the ranch.”
“No,” Beth said sharply. “I loved you. That’s why I wanted to stay.”
Garrett couldn’t find the words as he met her eyes, rimmed with tears. He ripped his gaze away, fighting the urge to touch her, hug her—something to console her. This was why it was easier to drink. He removed his hat, tossed it on the dash, and raked a hand through his dark hair.
“So, can we consider the air cleared now?” Beth’s voice was strong despite the tear rolling down her cheek, which only served to tear him apart internally. “I just lost my dad. I’m here to help my mom out with everything, and then I’m leaving. Not to mention Sarah was found this morning…”
“Huh?” He furrowed his brow, confused. “What does that mean?”
“Dead.”
“What?” Shock rolled through his system. “Like she’s…”
“ Dead, ” Beth clarified. “Yes.”
“Holy…” He struggled to process the information, trying to remember the last conversation he’d had with her, and paused, his stomach churning. “What happened?”
“No idea, but I might have been the last person to see her… Well, or…y ou. You were behind the bar last night, and Sarah left out that door.”
Garrett shook his head. “I haven’t seen Sarah… Is that why my dad was there at the ranch? I thought he was visiting Blaze or something.”
Beth stared at him. “How did you not see her? You were back there?”
“I was drunk, ” Garrett reminded her, hating it all the same. “I don’t exactly pay that much attention to everyone when I get like that.”
“Yet, somehow , you remembered that I was there—and you remembered your promise to come and see me today. She was only like twenty minutes before me.”
Garrett rubbed his forehead, unable to recall the memories before Beth stepped out into the light last night. “I don’t think I saw her. I mean that.”
“Sure, okay,” Beth said flatly. “Whatever you say.”
His phone began to vibrate in his jeans, and he dug it out, half expecting it to be his boss. He had told him he’d be late, which was rare, even with his drunken habits. He was only trashed out in the evenings, and always made it to work, even if it was in a stupor. However, as he stared down at the screen, he grimaced.
Brittany. Again.
He silenced it and slid it in the door. “Sorry,” he mumbled when he realized Beth was staring. “What were we talking about?”
“You taking me back home,” Beth answered, reaching for her seatbelt. “I think we’ve said everything that needs to be said. I know you’re sorry. It’s been sixteen years. I don’t hate you, so you can move on.”
Yeah, but I can’t move on from you. He took a deep breath, not wanting to push it. “You still didn’t tell me why we were fighting that night.”
“Probably had something to do with the fact that my brother had found out about us,” Beth muttered, mostly under her breath. “He was pissed at you that night, and I still think you were drunk. I don’t know why you wouldn’t remember that.”
“I had to take a breath test,” Garrett said through gritted teeth, growing angry. “And I know that Sam and I were fighting, but you and I weren’t getting along either.”
She shrugged. “Probably something stupid. We always fought.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Garrett turned the truck around at the next mile section, and then headed back toward the ranch, pressing down on the accelerator. “Guess some things never change, no matter how many years pass. ”
“I wouldn’t call today a fight,” Beth said, her voice dropping in volume as she folded her arms across her chest. “It’s just not easy to see you, any more than it is for you to see me.”
He sighed. “I should’ve found you sooner, but by the time I got out, I just… You were with that new guy and had changed your number. Your dad offered to give me your new one, but you know, seemed like a violation of your privacy.”
“I needed to put the past behind me.”
“Glad you were able to,” Garrett said dryly, resting one hand on the steering wheel and the other on his thigh. “Everything I tried didn’t seem to work. I gave it up.”
“Me, too.”
He eyed her with curiosity, but her expression gave nothing away as to what she meant—but it still gave him some sense of small, minuscule hope. “Can I have your number? The new one? Just in case I need it.”
She shook her head. “I don’t need your drunk calls, Garrett.”
“Okay, well, do you still have my number?” He was starting to feel desperate, and noticed how her body relaxed as she blew out a breath. He had tried not to check her out, but she appeared the same as she always had, only maybe curvier. And for that reason, Garrett ensured he didn’t watch her too long. She already haunted him enough as it was.
“I don’t need your number, Garrett,” Beth said. “I don’t want to be friends.”
“We don’t have to be friends,” he reasoned, slowing down as he turned down her old driveway. His time with her was coming to a close. For all he knew, it’d be the last time for them to talk for another sixteen years—which is why he had to force himself to say everything he needed to. “We don’t have to talk. We don’t have to do anything at all, but if you ever need anything, I’ll be here for you.”
She furrowed her brow at him. “Why?”
Garrett took a deep breath, forcing himself to say the words he hadn’t ever managed to admit. “Because I loved you, too, Beth. All the stuff we did all those years ago, it wasn’t a game for me. I just needed some time to figure out how to tell your brother. That’s it. I wanted you more than anything.”
She shook her head, opening her mouth as he put the truck in park outside the barn. His dad’s truck was no longer parked in the driveway, but Blaze and Andrea, Beth’s mom, remained on the porch, as if they were waiting for him to make it back with her.
“Here,” Garrett flipped up the console, grabbing a pen and pocket-sized notebook. He flipped open and scribbled down his number. “Just in case.” He tore the page and held it out to her.
“Can I ask you something?” Beth said, her eyes jumping from the paper to his eyes.
“Yeah, of course.” Garrett dropped his arm to rest on the console when she didn’t take it. “What is it?”
“How different do you think things would be if that night had never happened?”
His mind flashed to imagined wedding bells, kids in a yard, and his arm wrapped around her waist—something he had thought about extensively over the years but refused to admit. “I don’t know.”
She nodded, and then plucked the paper from his hand. “Guess we’ll never know.”
He watched her climb out, slam the truck door, and then walk across the yard to the back porch. As he put the truck in reverse, his eyes caught Beth crumple up the paper and toss it into the unlit chimenea in the corner.
And whatever hope he had, dissipated as quickly as it had come.