18. Rosie
18
ROSIE
A photo can speak truths.
That’s what Esme just told me.
Maybe that’s why an overwhelming feeling has been chasing me for days.
“Okay, let’s move from the bed to the window. It will be a perfect shot,” she directs me with her camera in one hand.
We’re in her studio, also known as the spare bedroom in her old house. Boudoir and engagement shoots are her talent. When she suggested that I have a little shoot half naked while pregnant, it was an instant yes from me.
“By the window is a good idea,” I agree.
I have super fluffy socks on, panties, and a black bra visible under an open-button shirt that falls to my thighs and displays my belly. The chilly winter day streams light into the room despite it being cloudy.
“Stand sideways and pretend to look out the window.”
Following instruction, I get into the pose and relish this scenario, as it’s exactly what I wanted. The clicking of her lens should make this feel unnatural, but her talent and my confidence have made this anything but.
“Ready for your baby shower this weekend?”
I stunt a laugh. “Yes, but I’ve heard rumors that Hailey is worn out from calming the moms.”
“She might have mentioned that she was debating slipping tranquilizers into their drinks,” she jokes.
“I’m sure they will quiet down when I explain a few rituals that we are going to do. Carter’s mom isn’t a fan of my spiritual stuff, and my mom, bless her, always goes along for the ride.”
Esme tips her eyes up quickly, and she wears a smirk before she studies her screen again. “How are you and Carter doing? You both seem to be in a good place.”
It’s impossible to hide it when a bright smile hits me. “We are. I’m sure he would have us remarried already if I would let us.”
He’s both persistent and patient. His faith in us is unwavering and causes me to believe that we are strong. But I refuse to let us down in case we’re going too fast. With utmost certainty is when I will take my ring back.
It’s not that we have to get married to have a loving relationship and raise a baby. It’s just that it would feel as though we are missing a piece because we were once complete as husband and wife until I veered off track. I am meant to be his wife. I do believe in that. I don’t think it’s due to emotions related to the pregnancy that has me in that view.
“Well, everyone goes at their own pace. Keats and I took a year until we married. He’s a complete family man, but I refused to try to get pregnant on the honeymoon. If he’d had it his way, then I would have already been pregnant then, but instead, I’m pre—” Her head perks when she realizes it just flowed out of her mouth.
Instantly, I have the widest grin of the day. “Pregnant?”
She can’t help but smile shyly and nods.
I’m to her in a heartbeat to give her hug. “Congratulations.”
She lifts her shoulders. “Thanks. I don’t think I was supposed to let that slip. We’re still ten weeks.”
I zip my lips. “Your secret’s safe with me. How are you feeling? Morning sickness?”
“No. Not at all. Not even once. Nor any other symptoms.”
My jaw hangs open at how unfair that is. “Geez, I must have had morning sickness for the entire Everhope population.”
She chuckles and reviews the screen on the back of her camera again. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have rubbed that in. If it’s any consolation, I doubt I’m going to be a unicorn like you who I think I literally saw doing the splits the other day, despite being ready to birth a child.”
To be honest, that makes me proud. “Well, we’ll see how I do if the baby decides to go off script during labor or I decide an epidural is more my thing. I have no illusions. No matter how I prepare, the baby will come into the world the way it needs to.” I affectionately drop my eyes to my stomach.
“That’s a good mindset. Still have no clue if it’s a boy or girl?”
“Nah. Carter isn’t budging and even plays games with me. One moment he has me thinking it’s a girl and the next a boy. It’s fun.”
“No offence, but there is no effing way that any sane couple can do this. Points to you guys. Anyhow, how does it feel to be the girlfriend of Mr. High Powerful Mayor?”
I laugh. “Well, he isn’t yet. He’ll take office after the baby is born and the deputy sheriff can take on his new promotion. I’m thankful that it’s Everhope. I doubt Carter will be called at two in the morning to take part in political espionage or something like that.”
“I hope not,” she agrees.
He’s happy. I can see it every time he talks about his new position. Quite frankly, I’m excited to be on the ride with him.
A knock on the doorframe causes our eyes to fly to find Carter.
“Sorry to interrupt.” His head cocks to the side as he gives me the once-over. “Actually, not really, but I heard you were here and thought I would stop by.”
“I really need to lock the front door more often.” Esme smirks to herself.
Carter takes a few steps into the room, and his eyes remain pinned on me. Our eyes both have a dreaminess that hasn’t left for days.
“It’s okay. We’re pretty much finished, right?” I turn and ask Esme.
She raises her camera in her hand. “Yes, but since the father-to-be is here. Why don’t I get a few photos of you two.” Carter and I glance to one another with lines on our faces. “Geez, you two have your mind in the gutter. Not those kind of photos on the bed. I mean, go stand by the window, facing one another and place your hands on the belly kind of photos.”
Carter doesn’t need to hear another word and is already halfway to the window when I try to control the little smile that stings my lips.
Once in position, Esme continues to direct. A touch here. Eyes there. One kiss. Another.
“Rosie, these are going on the living room wall, right?” He has a devilish grin.
“Sure. Your mom, dad, brother, my parents, all want to see me half naked on the wall.”
He slings his arm around me and pulls me into a squeezing hug and kisses my forehead. “Who the fuck cares. We don’t exactly do conventional.”
“Well, that’s true.”
“Totally do it,” Esme comments from the sidelines.
My eyes float to Carter’s, and today his eyes are the view that touches me differently. More profound. Pokes my heart then carves a feeling that will never be erased.
Esme begins to put her camera away. “I think I have plenty of photos. I’ll send you a few unedited ones later today.”
“Perfect,” I chirp.
I’m about to step away, but Carter grabs my wrist to rein me back in. “You look beautiful, you know that, right?”
It’s probably because my thoughts of him lately have cemented me to an answer that I feel is coming.
Tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear, I can’t help but blush. “You need to stop saying that.”
He shrugs and grins. “Well, repeating that you look like a woman who needs a ring on her finger with me as her husband probably earns me an unimpressed grimace.”
Vaguely, I can hear Esme pretend to cough, clearly having heard.
As much as Carter is joking, he isn’t. His wish and impatience are underneath his words.
Nervously I smile. “Well, that’s my cue to get dressed and wrap this all up.”
“What?” His hands come out to his sides.
Esme holds up her camera. “I mean, I do engagement photos. If it wasn’t for the fact that this is my gift to you then I would say we can arrange a package deal.” She is humorously throwing a little oil onto the fire, and I toss her a warning glare that causes her to chortle.
I begin to rub my temples, appearing not to enjoy this scene even though it warms my heart, and I’m struggling to lock down my smile that wants to erupt.
That’s a sign. I’m not tense due to this conversation.
Carter quickly kisses my forehead. “Relax.” I don’t need to apparently. “Just wanted to stop by on my way to Oliver’s.”
“Okay, have fun.”
“Just call if you need something.”
I nod in acknowledgment, with a gnawing emotion inside of me.
It’s only made worse when a few hours later, I’m lying on the couch with soft music, dim lighting, and a lit candle. The fleece blanket only makes my coziness even better. Carter decided to stay at Oliver’s to watch the hockey on TV, as the Spinners are playing against Toronto. I think he felt guilty because we are in the last few weeks when it is just him and me before a baby enters the picture, but I assured him that I just wanted to journal then fall asleep.
The notification ding on my phone goes off, and I glance at the screen to see an incoming email from Esme. I tap my thumb on the subject line of unedited photos. The instant I see the first one, a big smile is plastered on my face.
I’m hot. I have no problem saying that.
Maybe they’re right and I should hang a few photos on the wall in the living room. I’m loving my legs and arms. My hair cooperated today, too. I scroll through a few where I was sitting on my knees in the middle of the bed, a few at the window, and then I stall.
There is the photo of Carter and me together at the window. It looks natural because we don’t even notice the camera, and we’re smiling at one another while touching my belly. To any outsider who isn’t privy to the details of our dynamics, they would only see a couple madly in love and ready to be parents.
Which is actually true.
Closing the email, I roll my lips in, and my thoughts linger for a few seconds before I tap my screen to reach the folder in my drive that I don’t open often. One would think when you divorce someone that you would delete the photos, but it never crossed my mind to erase the evidence of a chapter of my life.
The screen fills with a photo of Carter and me, a selfie from our wedding day. Truely elated and in bliss. The next photo is us sitting by the river. I smile to myself at the next photo where we are lying in bed, and we were playing around with the camera one morning. Completely innocent. Fully clothed and beaming with contentment. I’ve started myself on a spiral as I continue to swipe. There was that time we went away to a bed-and-breakfast up in Wisconsin, and a simple photo of us drinking coffee at Jolly Joe’s over in Lake Spark.
I remember the moments that are forever part of me and a reminder that I can have it all again.
That’s the thing that I realize. No matter what happened or where I was or am now, Carter Oaks is like an undertow in a river. Far too strong to let you go in the opposite direction.
That never went away, nor will it ever.