Chapter 14
NADIA
“It’s not him.” He gave an adamant shake of his head.
She angled her shoulders toward him and fixed him with a penetrating gaze. “Then who gave us up?”
Hands at ten and two, his fingers flared before he gripped the steering wheel even tighter than he had been.
“Tom.” She was pushing. But she wanted answers. Needed facts.
“I don’t know,” he snarled, shaking the steering wheel. “I just know that I trust him with my life.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
He stole a glance at her, a tic pulsing in his cheek. That had been mean of her. Her flippancy only pissed him off. But she was scared. They were literally running for their lives.
She shifted to face forward, pushing her back into the seat, and crossed her arms. Maybe talking wasn’t the best thing right now.
Thomas had always been confident and self-assured, but this indecisiveness, this vulnerability he was letting her see.
This man who existed beneath the confidence and control…
this was new. Or, at the very least, was a rare sighting.
She’d only seen him doubt himself once before, when a decision he’d made had altered both their lives forever.
The memory surfaced unexpectedly, as vivid as if it had happened yesterday.
It had been a couple of weeks or so after she ran out on Thomas at Joe’s.
On morning, she’d stopped short at the kitchen where her mom stood at the counter sorting mail and sipping coffee and Nadia could only stare.
Lisa was dressed in a pressed wool skirt and silk blouse, her hair in a perfect twist. After months of depression, the transformation was jarring.
“What is happening here?” Nadia circled her flat palm at her mom.
Lisa brightened. “Good morning!” She kissed Nadia’s cheek, careful not to spill her coffee.
“Seriously, Mom. What’s going on?”
“You are never going to believe what happened.” Lisa crossed the kitchen to refill her coffee. “Want one?”
“Sure.” She wasn’t going to deny her mom anything if it kept her talking.
Lisa retrieved a mug from the cabinet and fixed Nadia an instant coffee. “The other day I took the money you’d left on the counter to buy some groceries. I ran into Mr. Donato at the store.”
“Thomas’s dad?”
“He was buying champagne and flowers for one of his secretaries. She was retiring. He tells me he’s down to two secretaries but needs three.
I don’t know why I said it. I haven’t worked since I married your father.
But I told him I was interviewing for jobs and he invited me to his office for a chat. ”
“He did?”
“I went yesterday. We talked for over two hours and he hired me on the spot. Today is my first day.”
“Wow… That’s—that’s great, Mom.” The Lisa standing before her compared to the one who hadn’t moved from the couch for months gave Nadia whiplash.
Lisa smoothed out her clothes. “How do I look?”
“Beautiful.” She felt a sting in her eyes and hugged her mom.
“I love you, darling. Oh, watch out. I don’t want to wrinkle my shirt.”
“Sorry.” Nadia stepped back.
Lisa’s face softened. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I haven’t been much of a mom lately.”
“That’s okay.”
Lisa shook her head. “It’s not, and I’m going to make it up to you. Promise. We’re going to be okay.”
Nadia hugged her mom again.
Lisa gasped. “Look at the time. You’re going to be late for school. Here, I made you lunch last night.” She handed Nadia a brown paper bag containing a sandwich, an apple, and a brownie. A feast compared to what Nadia had been eating lately.
A tear escaped despite her efforts to not cry. “I hate you.”
Lisa grabbed Nadia’s cheeks and kissed her forehead. “Hate you too. Now get going.”
Nadia wanted to ask about the house. Lisa had negotiated an extra month with the bank before eviction, but their extra time was running out. She worried she’d come home one day to find the locks changed.
But her mom seemed happier than she’d been in a long time. Nadia didn’t want to add to her worries. Though her mom finding a job was exciting. The responsibility for the house, their food, her mom’s well-being—it no longer fell solely on Nadia’s shoulders.
That evening, Nadia found Thomas at their usual table at Joe’s. She slid into the seat across from him. He didn’t say hi, just kept his eyes on his physics textbook while she struggled with algebra homework. After reworking an answer three times, she put her pencil down.
“My mom got a job,” she blurted.
He looked up from his book. “Awesome.”
“She’s working for your dad.”
He stared at her. His mouth flattened. “Cool,” he said after a beat, his gaze dropping to his textbook, his fingers pressing into the page. “Does she seem happy about it?”
“She does. Is that all right, that she’s working with him?”
“It’s fine.” He highlighted text with force, his leg bouncing under the table. “I just…” He stalled out, glancing up at her before returning his attention to the open book. “I hope it works out for her.”
He spoke carefully, his tone measured. Nadia watched him, trying to piece together the underlying meaning of his well-wishes. It made her think he knew something she didn’t.
What she did know was that this news unsettled him.
Thomas’s burly friend approached their table. “Hey, dude, we got a table over there. Come sit with us.”
Thomas glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah, okay.” He packed up his books and looked at her. “Do you mind?”
She wished he wouldn’t leave her, but she’d never admit she was lonely for his company.
“No, it’s cool.”
“You’ll be okay sitting here by yourself?” He flashed a teasing smile.
“Duh.” She waved him off.
He leaned in by her ear when he walked past her. “Good to see you, Nada.” He gently brushed her shoulder.
Nadia sharply inhaled, butterflies circling inside her, and watched him join his friends, her fingers lingering over the warm spot where he’d touched her. Only later that night as she replayed their conversation did she wonder about the doubt she’d glimpsed on his face.
Nadia blinked her eyes open and looked around, feeling weary and out of sorts. The sky was pink, sunlight winking above the Sierra Nevada ridge line. Farmland sprawled out from the highway on both sides of the road. They were heading east now.
She yawned, pushing up in her seat, realizing she must have dozed off for an hour.
Thomas stared ahead, his elbow on the door, his hand holding up his head.
Purple semi-circles propped his eyes, and dark stubble dotted with gray covered his jaw.
It was dense, almost a short beard after only a couple of days without shaving.
His eyes blinked rapidly and he pinched the corners with his thumb and forefinger as if he was trying to keep himself awake.
“Do you want me to drive?” she offered. God knew where he’d have her take them, as long as one of them stayed awake at the wheel.
He glanced at her, his eyes momentarily widening, showing his surprise that she’d offered or that she was actually talking to him. She couldn’t tell which. Maybe he’d forgotten she was there, she thought with a silent laugh.
His brows pulled in. “What?”
“Nothing. You doing okay?”
He shot her a look. No, he wasn’t okay. But neither was she.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Tired, scared. Queasy.” She hugged her middle.
His frown deepened, turning his exhaustion to concern.
“Do you need me to pull over?”
Yes, so she could stretch her legs and catch her breath and scream her frustration. Cry out her fear. But she didn’t need to use the bathroom, if that was what he’d asked for. Not yet anyways.
“I think I’m just hungry, and… god.” She leaned forward, clutching her stomach. “I hate this is happening.”
Thomas’s shoulders bowed. “I know. And you hate me too.” She’d told him more than once since they’d barely escaped his house with their lives. Had that really been two days ago? It seemed like weeks, months even since a bullet had grazed her face. Since Thomas had saved her life.
“I’ve never hated you, Tom,” she quietly admitted.
Beats of silence followed as if the car was holding its breath. The wheels ate up the pavement underneath them with a steady drone.
“I’m scared too.”
Nadia wasn’t sure she’d heard the admission correctly until Thomas reached over to pat her leg. He was always the one reassuring her. Rarely was it the other way around. Had it ever been?
On reflex, she covered his hand with hers and their fingers interlocked.
His thumb traced an arc across her knuckles, and her breath hitched at the slow and deliberate intimacy of it.
She should let go. They both should. But he didn’t, so she didn’t either.
And for a moment, she let herself have it, this closeness. His reassurance.
When they reached Bakersfield, Thomas stopped for gas.
Nadia climbed out to stretch her legs while he pumped fuel.
She walked around the car a couple of times then leaned against the trunk.
Arms folded, she watched the cars on the highway, not really seeing them.
Not really thinking about anything either other than being very aware of Thomas’s proximity.
Behind her, she heard the splash of water and squeak of a squeegee on glass as he cleaned the windshield.
Then the pump clicked off and the water splashed as the squeegee landed back in the bucket. It was time to get back on the road.
She straightened to return to her seat the same time Thomas rounded the car for his seat. He stopped in front of her, looking like he wanted to say something. Instead, he pulled her into him.
Nadia stiffened on a startled intake of breath, but not because she didn’t want him to touch her.
She wanted it too much. Her arms came up around his waist and she rested her forehead on his chest, much like she had during her panic attack.
Only this time, it wasn’t fear coaxing her to stay in his embrace.
His hand cupped the back of her head, his fingers threading into her hair, massaging her scalp. “I want to tell you we’re going to be okay—”