Chapter 19 #2
Thomas froze with shock, his hands hovering in the air by her ribs.
Her kiss was hard, almost punishing. Filled with the rage and fear that had fueled their confrontation.
He tasted the tea she’d had earlier on her lips, and he tasted dust. He also tasted salt—her tears, he realized—as she clutched at him.
Only when he felt a sting in his own eyes, did he finally respond.
His arms wrapped around her, holding her close.
Years of suppressed feelings broke through the surface. He deepened the kiss, cradling her face. His fingers tangled in her hair as he poured everything he’d ever wanted to say to her into their kiss.
He adored her.
He longed for her.
He wasn’t worthy of her.
Nadia’s hands moved restlessly across his shoulders, down his back, then up to his face again as if she couldn’t decide where to touch him. As if she desired to touch him everywhere.
“I hate that I want this,” she murmured against his mouth. “I hate that it’s always been you.”
When her tongue pushed into his mouth, his control snapped.
He explored her without restraint. Her mouth, her body.
His hands grasped her waist and pulled her against him.
He pressed into her, his own desire raging out of control as he dragged his mouth over her jaw and down her neck, to her breasts.
And before he realized what he was doing, he dropped to his knees right there in the dirt.
He nudged up her shirt, his mouth exploring her midriff, his tongue and fingers dipping into the waistband of her jeans.
Nadia moaned and the noise shot straight to his dick.
That would be his new favorite sound. He loved the way she tasted.
He loved the way she felt in his arms. Decades of fantasizing didn’t come close to reality.
He just simply loved her. And he wanted to bury himself inside her, get lost in her, right here. Right now.
It wasn’t until her fingers nudged his head aside and she started to unzip her jeans to shimmy them down that he came to his senses.
They were out in the open. Cammy only had to walk toward the barn and she’d see them, not clearly.
They were some distance off. But knowing they’d be in her line of sight was enough to have Thomas grasping Nadia’s wrists to stop her. He sat back on his heels.
Nadia struggled, even growled in frustration at him, and Thomas let go of her wrists. He grasped her thighs and rested his forehead against her pelvis to catch his breath and his sanity.
She dropped to her knees, spun around and pressed her backside to him, his thighs bracketing her hips. He tried to turn her around to face him. “Not like this.”
“Yes, like this,” she demanded, pushing back into him again.
This time he groaned. It would be so easy, too easy, to yank down her jeans and thrust into her warmth.
Hindered by their clothing, her entrance would be tight.
He wouldn’t be deep, not in this position with her practically seated in his lap, but it would feel phenomenal to finally be with her in that way.
Her back against his chest, Nadia reached up behind her and gripped his hair, pulling roughly. He grunted in pain and in lust. He’d give her whatever she’d take from him. He’d offer whatever she demanded. But not with her angry and lashing out at him.
“No.” He removed her hand and hugged her from behind, restraining her arms for the good of them both. He planted a wet, open-mouthed kiss on the curve of her neck, nipped her skin in warning.
A shuddering sound tore from her throat, half whimper, half growl. “I don’t do relationships. You’ll just leave me like every other guy. This is all you’ll ever get from me.”
Her declaration was the dirt under his knees thrown in his face. He knew whatever this unresolved issue was stemmed from her father bailing on her and her mom. But they’d have to unpack that later.
“I’m not going to screw you in the dirt like an animal. Not our first time together.”
“Fuck you.” She shrieked, struggling against him, forcing him to let go and settle back on his heels.
“Trust me, that’s exactly what I want to do… fuck you.” Hard, from behind. Both of them sweaty and writhing. Fumbling for relief and each other.
Get a grip, Tom. He dragged a frustrated hand down his face.
She stumbled to her feet. “Asshole,” she spat, circling away.
“I’m scared too,” he admitted to her back, still on his knees. “I’m more afraid now than I was when James disappeared. Because this time… it’s you.”
“I am not going to disappear with you.”
A physical ache radiated through his torso.
“Then you will die.” He rose to his feet. “We both will. Because I won’t leave you alone.”
She swung around. “You are so full of yourself. Trust me, you’ll leave. And, god!” She shrieked, pulling at her hair. “Stop sacrificing yourself for me. Has it occurred to you my life is in danger because I’m with you?”
Yes, it had occurred to him on more than one occasion.
“You disappear. I’m going home.”
“I’ve already explained. They’ll use you to lure me out of hiding. It’s what they’re doing with my mother.”
Nadia’s head jolted back. “Did Cammy tell you that?”
He shook his head. “It’s the only conclusion I’ve come to as to why she hasn’t turned up dead yet. They’re holding on to her for a reason, otherwise they would have killed her like Phil.”
A ripple of unease crossed her face. She looked off into the distance, her mouth flattened into a compressed line for a strained moment. Then she held out her hand.
“Give me the car keys.”
“What?”
“The keys, give them to me.”
“You can’t leave.”
“You can’t tell me what to do. Now, give me the goddamn keys. It’s my car.”
They stared at each other, her glare challenging, his a warning. Handing over the keys went against everything he stood for in their situation, everything he was fighting to right. But he still withdrew them from his pocket and dropped them into her palm. He prayed he wouldn’t regret this.