Chapter 20 #2
Nadia watched her mom back out of the driveway, imagining what Thomas could have sacrificed on their behalf.
She and Thomas were still in touch. He reached out every now and then.
The friendly text here or there. A congratulatory card at graduation.
A flower bouquet waiting on her desk her first day on the job at the architect firm where she worked in downtown San Jose.
But they’d never seen one another as regularly as they had the year they’d met at Joe’s.
She searched her memories and landed on one with an alarming new perspective.
The evening she’d found Thomas changing his major on his college applications had been around the time her mom started working at Donato Enterprises.
Had that been what Thomas gave up for Edgar to help them?
Had it been because of her that he surrendered his personal ambitions with the CIA and went to work for Donato Enterprises after he graduated Stanford?
He abandoned what he’d wanted to study and a career he’d wanted to pursue like she’d been a charity case.
At the same time, had he not made a deal with Edgar, Nadia wouldn’t have the house she grew up in, a college education, or a career with the potential to flourish.
She might not even have had her mom. If it weren’t for Thomas, Lisa might have sunk to a place Nadia couldn’t have pulled her out of.
Now, as she sat alone in the car, she thought of Aimee.
For years she’d clung to James—the memory of him, the idea of a life with him, the hope he would return.
But it wasn’t until she’d allowed herself the choice of letting him go that she’d discovered her strength.
The café, her marriage to Ian, their beautiful children—none of that would have happened if Aimee hadn’t come to those crossroads and made her choice with the full awareness of what she had been choosing.
Nadia now faced her own crossroads, one where she could make the choice rather than this just being another situation where Thomas dictated her fate. By giving her the keys, by leaving her be—even when he hadn’t wanted to—he’d acknowledged her agency. As he had twenty years ago.
Nadia once overheard a heated argument between Thomas and Edgar Donato.
She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but their voices carried through the walls.
The conversation revealed that Edgar wanted Thomas—not Phil—to take over Donato Enterprises upon his forced retirement.
The company couldn’t afford a man born from the hideous coupling of Claire and her brother Grant, a scandal that had already chased the Donato family to the West Coast when it had come to light, at its helm.
When Thomas realized she knew his family’s secret, he worried how his parents would retaliate, his father especially.
The Donatos had significant influence in their community.
Edgar employed Nadia’s single mother. He swore Nadia to secrecy.
It had been the first time Nadia truly understood the responsibilities Thomas carried for his family.
How he positioned himself as buffer between the world and those he cared about.
This quiet resolve of his resonated with her in ways she couldn’t fully explain.
But his secrets would always be safe with her.
She’d exercised her agency then. And sitting here, engine off, she was exercising it again.
Her mom’s words came back to her again.
The bravest choice isn’t always leaving… but in staying.
Nadia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, preparing herself to open her eyes and be fully aware of what came next.
Nadia lifted her head at a light tap on the window. Thomas stood on the passenger side, a plated sandwich hovering in the window space. She pushed a button and the glass eased down into the door pocket.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“What kind of sandwich is it?”
“BLAT.”
Her favorite. She took the plate and set it on her lap.
“Can I sit with you?” She stared at him. “I brought cookies.” He showed her the bag of Oreos.
Her sweet tooth unlocked the doors.
Thomas settled in the seat beside her and closed the door. He dropped two water bottles tucked under his arm in the cup holders.
Nadia peeked at the layers in her sandwich. “Is this Wonder Bread?”
“Yeah. Cammy has an aversion to health food.” He wiggled the cookie bag.
“I saw her eat a grape.”
His mouth pulled up on the side. “Maybe she’s trying.”
Nadia bit into the sandwich and a glob of mayo oozed out the back with a splat on the plate.
It should have grossed her out. But she was so hungry she gave it no thought.
Fresh bacon and avocado flavors exploded in her mouth.
She hadn’t had Wonder Bread since she was a kid and her mom couldn’t afford the healthier options.
Thomas rubbed his hand along his thigh. “I’m sorry how I handled things back there.”
“No warning, Tom. None at all.”
“I should have told you what I was planning.”
“No, you should have discussed it with me. Changing identities, disappearing? It’s not a light decision.”
“You’re right. I guess I’m just used to—”
“Doing everything on your own?” she interjected.
Plucking the bottle from the cup holder, she unscrewed the cap and gulped down the water.
“How do you ever expect to have a relationship if you don’t treat your partner equally?
” His brows lifted and realizing what she’d said, her neck flushed with heat. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know what you meant. And I wouldn’t know.”
That gave her pause. “Really?”
“I haven’t been in one long enough or important enough for it to matter.”
His admission felt significant, stroking at her empathy. “There hasn’t been anyone for you?”
“There’s been someone.” His eyes snagged hers.
Her breath caught somewhere between her chest and throat. “Why haven’t you said anything before?”
“Aside from thinking you’ve hated me all this time?”
“I’ve never hated you.” She repeated the admission from earlier.
He looked at the cookie bag in his lap. “I didn’t want to risk losing you completely. I thought if you knew how I felt about you, after everything I’d done, you’d shut me out completely. Just knowing I could call you or text and you’d respond was better than having nothing at all with you.”
He was laying his emotions on the dashboard and she’d tried to use him exactly as he’d stated—like an animal, taking out her anger and frustrations and fears on him.
Because she was so scared if she gave him more, he’d take off on her.
She’d lose him. “I’m sorry too about what happened…
out there.” She tilted her head toward the open field. “I shouldn’t have tried forcing you.”
His eyes flared. “There was no forcing. And I wasn’t rejecting you, Nadia. We’re going to fuck the first chance we get.”
She almost dropped the sandwich on her seat.
“Sorry, that was crass.”
And damn hot, especially when the corner of his mouth edged up. That half smile, his flirty smile, always got her heart pumping. Her mouth slammed shut as a glorious flush of heat unfurled in her.
“I want to make love with you. It’s something I’ve desired for far too long. Will that be all right with you?”
“Right now?”
He smiled. “No, not right now. Soon though. We’ll know when we know.”
She nodded and his grin widened. He was showing her a whole new side of himself. It was sexy, cocky and hot as hell.
“In the meantime… cookie? It’s the sweetest thing I can offer at the moment.” His brows wiggled.
She snagged the bag. “You’re still an asshole.”
“I know,” he said, taking the cookie she offered him.
They chewed quietly, stuck in their own heads, washing the crumbs down with their waters.
She thought about never calling Aimee, never seeing her mother again.
No more potlucks at Kristen and Nick’s. No more playing board games and Barbie with their kids.
And she honestly didn’t know if she could give it up.
She loved her life. She loved the way she lived her life.
But what was the cost if she didn’t?
The Hidalgos could murder her in her sleep.
They could kidnap and torture her until Thomas turned himself over.
She’d heard the stories. She’d seen the photos online of what happened to those victims. The broken jaws, the pulled teeth, the missing limbs.
The warnings carved into their skin. All in the name of manipulating a loved one to get a desired outcome, whether that be someone’s cooperation, a supply of weapons, or bags of cash.
It could be happening to Claire right now.
That had to be excruciating for Thomas, the not knowing.
“It’s been a long day and it’s not even one p.m.” Nadia finally spoke into the quiet. “I need another shower and a nap. I need time to think on this.”
“Time isn’t a luxury we have.”
She rested her hand over his and looked him in the eye. “I need you to give me some. What you’re asking of me is a big ask.”
He nodded tightly. “All right. Go rest. We’ll talk more later.”
Assuming they had time to talk later, since he actually didn’t know how much time they had left.