Chapter 35
NADIA
Sierra One, status! Do you have the shot?
Negative, Command. Hostage is blocking vital area. No clean shot.
Nadia pressed the fingers clasped between her hands to her lips.
Affirmative, Command. Clean shot on target. Standing by for green light.
Take the shot, Sierra One. I repeat, take the shot.
She closed her eyes, not bothering to fight the burn.
Hostage down, hostage down!
Need TEMS here now!
The verbal exchange between FBI command and the Hostage Rescue Team operators and snipers had been the most terrifying thing Nadia had ever listened to, the five-minute helicopter ride with the Tactical Emergency Medical Support team the longest five minutes of her life. She’d never felt so helpless.
Thomas had been unconscious when she’d raced over to him with the team and she’d remained at his side during the lift to the nearest trauma center to be stabilized before he was transferred to Banner University Medical Center in Tucson for surgery.
That was seventy-two hours ago.
Too many hours for her to fixate on the fact that losing Thomas would have devastated her.
Had he slipped away, she would have returned to her independent and professionally successful life.
A life that now felt hollow. For so long she’d defined herself in opposition to her parents’ failed marriage.
She’d built walls around herself out of fear that loving someone would lead to abandonment and had called it freedom.
Just as she’d been lying to her friends, she’d been lying to herself.
Independence wasn’t about isolation. It wasn’t about refusing to need someone either.
It was committing to someone while trusting that her past wouldn’t repeat itself.
It was about choosing to share her life with someone who valued her strengths and accepted her flaws but loved her anyway. And Thomas loved her. Despite it all.
She was over not giving in to her true desires. She was done with the lies.
And she wasn’t about to leave his side.
He was in significant pain and under a heavy dose of medication, going in and out of consciousness, his words slurred and disconnected when he managed to speak, for almost three days.
She hadn’t left his side once, catching snack bites of sleep on the vinyl visitor’s chair.
Food came and went, barely touched. Dressed in the same clothes she’d left Phoenix in, she was exhausted, in desperate need of a shower in lieu of the washcloth wipe-downs at the bathroom sink, and she gave it no mind.
She had other priorities. Him. He was her priority.
She needed to be here when he finally woke clear-headed so he’d know he wasn’t alone. That he was loved.
His fingers twitched in her clasped hands and Nadia’s head lunged up. He was watching her, his eyes no longer glazed over with pain. Absolute relief washed over her, the weariness that had settled in her bones evaporating in an instant.
“Hi.” She kissed his hand.
“Hey.” His voice was a hoarse whisper. He gave her a slight smile and that small lift to his mouth uncorked the tears she’d been holding back.
They flowed unchecked. For someone who wasn’t a crier, she’d wept a lifetime worth of tears these past days.
His palm cradled her cheek, his thumb catching her tears. “It’s okay.”
She shook her head, unable to get any words out.
“Come here.” He opened his uninjured arm for her to join him on the bed.
“I’ll hurt you.”
“No you won’t. I’m so dosed I won’t feel a thing.”
“Don’t joke,” she whispered, too raw to find any humor in this.
He had the decency to look chagrined. “Come here. I got you.” He patted the mattress.
Carefully, she eased onto the bed, mindful of the tubes and bandages, and settled against his side.
His arm came loosely around her and her tenuous control shattered.
Face pressed into his chest, her tears drenched the hospital dressing gown.
Thomas held her, fingers moving gently through her hair, his heartbeat steady beneath her ear.
When her tears subsided and she felt she could speak coherently, she lifted her head. His hazel eyes glistened with emotion. “Better?” he asked in a rough voice.
“Not even close,” she admitted, attempting a weak smile. “But it’s a start.” She wasn’t sure if she’d ever get over almost losing him.
“Tell me.”
“You’re in ICU,” she began, repeating what the doctors and nurses shared with her each time he woke confused.
“The bullet nicked your femoral artery. If the medics hadn’t gotten to you when they did…
” She wouldn’t finish that sentence. “The doctors expect to move you to a regular room soon, hopefully by the end of today. They’re thinking five to six days more, depending how fast the swelling goes down.
They’re sending you home with a walker, and you’re going to use it.
” She poked his chest when he grimaced. “Then two to three months of physical therapy. Full recovery expected in four months or so.” He was fortunate the doctors acted fast and were able to save his leg.
Thomas traced the line of her jaw. “No, tell me that other thing.”
“Oh, James and your mom are staying at a hotel nearby until your release. They’ve been by every day. James is fine. Stressed about your recovery and obvious stupidity—his word, not mine—facing the Hidalgos without backup.”
“We had backup.”
“He did. Not you. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for taking off the way you did.
We’re going to have a serious conversation about your lone wolf heroics when you get out of here.
Your mom…” She sighed, her face contorting.
“Physically she’s fine. She’ll recover. Mentally?
Make sure she meets with a therapist. She’s more stubborn than you. ”
“I will. But that wasn’t what I was asking about.”
“No?”
“Tell me the other thing.”
She frowned.
“Did I hear you earlier say you love me or was I dreaming?”
Here came the tears again. She nodded, sitting up beside him, and clasped his face. Leaning over him, she gently kissed his mouth. “I love you.” She kissed him again and rested her forehead on his. “I love you so much.”
His hand lifted and brushed her hair behind her shoulder, his palm coming to rest on her nape, holding her close. “My love.”
“I was so scared I wouldn’t get a chance to tell you, that you’d die before you knew.”
“I knew.” He whispered. “Deep down, some part of me knew.”
She lifted her head to look him in the eye. “Don’t you ever leave like that again. You want me in your life, we need to have a true partnership. If we’re together, we need to be together—making decisions, facing danger, all of it.”
“Never again.” His thumb brushed her cheek and a trembling started in her hands that she couldn’t quite control. “True partners.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
A physical tingle spread through her body followed by an overwhelming urge to hold him tightly. “No more lies either.”
“No more lies,” he agreed as something profound passed behind his eyes.
“What is it?”
“When I was out there on that airstrip…” He took a breath and he reached up to touch the hair that had fallen over her shoulder. “When I thought it was the end, it became so clear.”
Nadia stayed quiet, leaving him space to find the words.
“All these years… decades. I lied to protect people. James, my mother, you…” His eyes sought hers, searching.
“I was convinced they were necessary, that the truth was too dangerous. But facing death…” He let out a hollow laugh, wincing at the pain it caused.
“Nothing like staring into the barrel of a gun to strip away those illusions.”
“I have stared into the barrel of a gun.” It almost shocked the soul from her.
“Right. Wrong analogy.” He looked chagrined again.
“I’m saying I think I understand. I’ve been there. It makes you reprioritize things.” She smiled softly. “What did you see?”
“Remember that cage you described to me once about your guilt? It was a long time ago.”
“I think so. Yeah, I remember.” She’d told him that eight or so years ago.
His eyes grew distant. “I realized that every lie I told became a prison for me.” His hand fell to his chest. “I thought I was in control. Figured I could manage the consequences, keep everyone safe in these little boxes I’d created. But the truth is, the lies controlled me.”
She smoothed her hand over his. “You did what you thought was right.”
“I did what was easiest. Keeping secrets meant I didn’t have to face the mess. I’ve been a coward.”
Nadia pressed a finger to his lips. “You are the least cowardly man I know.” And she’d known a few. Her dad headed up that line. But there was something beautiful in his self-awareness that made her love him more deeply.
“How could you love me after all I’ve done?”
She looked at him, incredulous. How could she not?
“You are the bravest. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.
But mostly, I fell for you because I see who you truly are, even behind your wall of lies.
I know your heart, Thomas,” she said simply.
All those years of watching him sacrifice himself for others, of the burdens he carried.
It had drawn her to him even as she’d tried to resist. “Remember that night at Joe’s when you pushed half your sandwich across the table because you knew I was too proud to admit how hungry I was?
It’s those kinds of things, no matter how little you think they are, that make me love you.
You showed up for me without me ever having to ask.
You changed your life for me just so I had a bed to go to sleep in at night. ”
Thomas looked away, but she gently turned his face back to hers.
“I fell in love with you because of who you are beneath the lies and manipulation. You’re the boy who risked everything to save his brother.
The man who lives by a code of loyalty so fierce it consumes him.
” Her voice trembled. “People mostly lie because they’re afraid of… something. Your lies came out of love.”
“That doesn’t excuse what I’ve done,” he said quietly.
“Maybe. Maybe not. But it shows me who you could be—who we could be together—if we find the courage to live in the truth.”
Thomas’s hand tightened around hers. “I want to be that man for you. I want to be worthy of your trust, Nadia.” A fierceness underlined his conviction. “No more… what did you call it—unilateral decisions? No more lies by omission. No more secrets between us. I’m done with all that.”
“I believe you.” She brought his hand to her lips, kissed his palm. Nothing like a near-death experience to give one a whole new outlook on life.
“I’ve lost so much but losing you would be unbearable.”
“You haven’t lost me. Even when I was trying to hate you, I’ve loved you since that first hot fudge sundae at Joe’s.”
“I want to build something real and honest with you, Nadia.” His gaze found hers, his steady and clear. “Would that be all right with you?”
His declaration lit her up. Her entire body sparkled, her skin tingling.
“Yes. I want that too—you and all the messy, complicated truths that come with.” Her heart soared through the fireworks she felt and she kissed him again.
His uninjured arm came around her back and he deepened their kiss.
How she wished he was home and she could show him how much she loved him. But there would be time for that later.
Lots of time.
He slowed their kiss and she lifted her head, resting her forehead against his. They smiled at each other, their love radiating. Then he grinned.
“You need a shower.”
She scoffed. “I’ll shower when you brush your teeth.”
A throat cleared behind them and Nadia looked over her shoulder. James stood in the doorway.
“Mind if I interrupt?” he asked.
Thomas met Nadia’s gaze. “All right?”
She nodded. “I’ll go find that shower.” She eased off the bed. “And maybe a change of clothes and real food, too.” She might even fit in a short nap. Now that he seemed more like himself, she felt comfortable enough to leave him and check into a hotel room until he was released.
“He’s all yours,” Nadia said to James. She collected her few belongings scattered about the room. At the door, she paused beside him. “Thank you for saving him,” she said, meeting his eyes. If he hadn’t notified the FBI, Thomas surely would have been lost to them.
James nodded. He didn’t have to say anything. Thomas was his brother. Despite the animosity between them, there was also a great deal of love. There had been no question about coming to his rescue.
Nadia left the hospital feeling lighter than she had in days. The future stretched before her again. Only this time, it included Thomas.