Chapter Forty-Four
LENA - RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA
Icouldn’t believe that after months of preparation and anticipation, the wedding day was finally here.
I looked in the mirror and took stock of my outfit and jewelry: a purple dress because that was my mom’s favorite color, the earrings she’d given me on my wedding day, my wedding ring, Mom’s pearl ring, and the bracelet Kevin had gifted me on our fifteenth wedding anniversary.
“You okay in there?” Kevin appeared in the bedroom doorway.
I smiled at him through the mirror. He looked so handsome in his olive-green suit, the one he knew I loved that set off the flecks of gold in his amber eyes.
“I’m going to take Atticus for a walk before we leave.
I made some coffee. Anthony’s having some now.
Donna and the kids are still getting dressed.
They may be a while. He said he’ll wait for them and drive over in the rental car so you and I can get there early and check on things before the ceremony begins. ”
“Okay, thanks, hon. I’ll be out in a minute,” I said, smoothing the front of my dress. A few minutes later, I walked into the kitchen area and saw my brother sitting at the island, sipping coffee.
“Ready?” he asked.
I nodded and caught sight of his purple tie.
He looked down at it and then back up at me and smirked. “Do you like it?”
“For Mom?”
He smiled. “Her favorite.” He looked me up and down. “Love your purple dress.”
I hugged him, and my eyes teared. “Don’t make me cry. I’ll have to do my makeup over.”
Anthony laughed.
“Is it strange that we both wore her favorite color to our father’s second wedding?” I asked, slipping onto the stool beside him.
Anthony shrugged. “Nope. Not at all. Not for us.” There it was—that nonchalant attitude.
“I wanted her with me today. I miss her,” I whispered.
“Me too. But she’s here. She wouldn’t miss it.” Anthony wove his arm around my waist and pulled me into him.
I rested my head on his shoulder. My big bro.
He was my oldest ally, my other half. Without him, I was less defined.
Less myself. Lena without Anthony was like a brain without a heart.
A yin without a yang. It was the two of us against the world.
And once Anthony came to his senses and stopped blaming Mom for our parents’ split, it became the three of us against the world. The three musketeers, she’d called us.
I looked at my big brother, so handsome in his suit. “Anthony, I want to ask you a question.”
“Sure, shoot,” he said.
I smiled to myself. That was a typical Anthony response. He had such a straight-shooter, no-nonsense style. I found it refreshing. I always knew where I stood with him.
“I’ve been asked to give a speech to an organization in LA in a few days. They want me to talk about LGBTQ law. It’s an organization for people with gay and lesbian parents.”
He nodded, taking in what I was saying.
“I made friends with a woman who does some volunteer work for them and serves on their board. She recommended me.”
“Sounds like it’s right up your alley,” Anthony said matter-of-factly.
“Yes, it is. I can talk about how far the law has come and how much progress still needs to be made. Discuss some test cases.” I saw Anthony glance at my hands, which I was nervously wringing. He had that police officer’s instinct, looking for the tell.
“So, what’s the problem?” Anthony asked. “You said you wanted to ask me something.”
“My friend Kate, the one on the board, she thinks I should add in a bit about my personal story. About Dad. That he’s gay.” I hesitated. “Kevin thinks so too.”
“What do you think?” Anthony sipped his coffee, but his eyes never left mine.
“I’m torn. I don’t want that to pull focus from the talk. I want to share what’s going on with the legal landscape. That’s an important topic.”
“It is.” Anthony put his coffee cup down and swung his stool to face me directly.
“But, Lena, don’t you think the fact that you have a gay father is also important to share with this group?
There’re many lawyers who can talk about this stuff, but how many of them have an actual gay parent and know about this personally? Few, I bet.”
“I guess,” I said, unconvinced but wondering if he had a point.
“I think it’d be strange if you didn’t share it with this group. You’re one of them. Sure, you’re a lawyer who knows a lot about this area. But what makes you uniquely qualified to speak to this group is that you walk in their shoes. You’ve got street cred. Instant connection.”
I turned away as tears pricked my eyes. I put my hand up to my mouth to stop myself from sobbing. Anthony reached out and touched my arm. I put my other hand around his fingers and squeezed, nodding to signify that I was okay but needed a moment.
“Lena, look at me,” Anthony said. I turned back toward him, sniffling to clear my nose. “If you don’t want to talk about it, don’t. But the question then is, why? That’s what you should ask yourself.”
“I know,” I whispered. Then the words poured out of me like a fire hydrant had burst open. “I’ve held it in for so long, never talking about it with people. You, sure. Kevin, Dad—yes. But not... people. Keeping the secret has become a part of me. Like a habit I can’t break...”
He shook his head. “I think you have to add your personal story in. If not, you look... fake.” He threw up his hands. “That’s what I think. If you don’t talk about it to this group, it’s like you’re hiding something. Of all people, these aren’t the ones you should hide from.”
I nodded slowly, knowing I would tell someone else the same thing. You have a connection with these folks. Why wouldn’t you highlight that?
“Honestly, Lena, you shouldn’t be hiding at all,” he continued.
“Look at what you do for a living. It’s a big part of your career.
But you also live it personally. And that’s the part you keep hidden.
I’ve always found that strange. You’ll talk about your cases, the people you represent.
Those people are fair game. But about your own father, you’re close-lipped.
Why are you so passionate about helping gay people but won’t admit that your father is one?
” He looked me straight in the eye. I knew him well enough to know he wasn’t mad at me.
But he was challenging me for sure. “And don’t say, ‘It’s nobody’s business,’ or ‘I’m a private person.
’ I don’t buy it. You’re afraid to say the truth out loud.
It still feels taboo to you. And it’s okay.
I’m not judging you. I just think it’s time you get past this. ” He shrugged.
I breathed in deeply, processing everything he said. “Thank you,” I said, the tears flowing freely now. “I think I knew the answer, but I wanted your opinion. I know what I have to do. I’m petrified, but I think you’re right.”
He hugged me and then pulled back. “It’s time, Lena.”
I sat there, replaying our conversation, while Anthony enjoyed his morning coffee, looking relaxed. I couldn’t help hoping my big brother’s carefree attitude—and courage—would rub off on me.
We arrived at the Terranea Resort and walked to the area overlooking the ocean, where the ceremony would take place.
There was a beautiful trellis made of intertwined vines and bougainvillea flowers, creating an arch that framed the blue of the sky and sea.
Waves lapped against the rocks below, and the sun stretched its rays down to meet the water in the distance.
“Wow, what a spot,” Kevin said, echoing my thoughts.
I caught sight of my dad and Oliver, looking debonair in their suits, with matching red boutonnieres and bow ties. I gave them each a kiss on the cheek. “Love the look. So matchy-matchy.”
My dad laughed and gestured to Oliver. “His idea. I just follow orders.”
Oliver grinned broadly, hooking his arm through my dad’s.
We checked in with the staff and the officiant to make sure everything was in order.
I saw Anthony and his family walking over from the parking lot and waved at them.
Ella waved back excitedly. When they reached us, they hugged my dad and Oliver one at a time, switching partners like in a country line dance.
They made an impressive lot, all decked out for the occasion, Anthony and Christopher in dark suits and ties and Ella in the peach dress I’d seen in her text, which looked even better in person. Donna wore a floral sundress and a wide-brimmed hat.
I gestured to it. “Nice touch.”
She curtsied teasingly.
Anthony clapped my dad on the back. “You look good. How’re you doing? Nervous?”
“Nah. Nothing to be nervous about. I’ve got everything I want.” Dad winked at Oliver. “Especially now that you’re all here.” He gestured to us—his family.
Other guests started arriving and mingling. A radiant feeling enveloped me as I watched them greeting the soon-to-be-married couple. My dad and Oliver seemed inseparable, never straying far from each other.
A half hour later, the officiant announced that the ceremony would begin.
“All of Me,” by John Legend—my dad and Oliver’s song—played while they walked over to join the officiant at the wedding arch.
She instructed us to make a semicircle around my dad and Oliver.
I looked at the intimate group of people here to celebrate with them.
Anthony, Donna, Christopher, and Ella were present, of course.
Henry had come without a date, claiming he wanted to fully focus on my dad’s big day and not have to babysit a plus-one who didn’t know anyone else.
My dad and Oliver’s close friends in the LA area, some straight, some gay, were all happy to be included, as well as a few of my father’s work colleagues who had become like family to him over the years.
What a far cry from years before when we’d had to hide who he was and worried about him getting fired.