15. CHAPTER 15
Bang. Bang. Bang.
Again, I’m woken in a darkened hotel room by knocking, but at least I’m more coherent this time. I roll over and blindly feel around the mattress for Teagan, but it’s cold and empty. Sitting up, I fumble on the nightstand before flicking on the lamp.
Teagan’s sitting across the room with her head mostly buried behind her knees. Only the top of her head and a sliver of her reddened eyes peek over the top of them. Her nails are digging into the skin of her legs and her knuckles are white.
I hesitantly move to the edge of the bed. She looks frozen, and I don’t want to spook her. “Are you alright?”
Her head almost robotically cocks to the side. Besides that unnerving change, she doesn’t move or answer me.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
My head snaps to the door and the continued slow knocking. I stand and pull on my shorts while making my way to the hotel door. When I peek through the eyehole, Tilly’s overwhelmingly giant form is hunkered in the door frame, blocking most of the light from the setting sun.
“I can smell you. Open the door.” The wooden door muffles his words.
I look back at Teagan and flip the deadbolt, moving aside as the door swings inward. Tilly ducks inside and gives me a wicked grin, showing one full fang. He removes his sunglasses while audibly sniffing twice.
“Well, well. You two had fun.” He looks from me to Teagan and his brows furrow. “Or not?”
I glance back at Teagan, too. She hasn’t moved a muscle, her arms still locked around her legs, head cocked at that odd angle, and her eyes glued to me.
We did have fun though. Right?
What’s wrong with her? I’m walking toward her a second later, and she tenses. She shoots a hand out in front of her. “No. Don’t. Don’t come any closer.” Her fangs heavily slur her words.
I pause halfway to her.
My gut tightens. I want to wrap her in my arms and make her feel safe, but…I feel like the problem and not the solution here. What the hell happened? How long was I asleep anyway?
I lick my dry lips and sway from foot to foot, fighting the urge to eliminate this distance between us. “What’s the matter?”
She drops her legs to the floor and rubs her temples. “I don’t know. It’s never been like this before.” The tremble and whine in her voice increase with each word.
The dryness in my mouth travels down my throat, and I have to cough to clear it. Swallow to get more moisture and air into the passageways. I don’t want her to tell me this is my fault, even though my gut is telling me it is. I caused some part of this and now my stupid brain has to know. “What hasn’t? What’s wrong?”
The corners of Tilly’s lips twitch upward with his raised chin. His voice is soft, but his eyes are a bit too wide. “Interesting.” He knows something.
I glare at him, rubbing the tension from the back of my neck, and I blindly step towards Teagan.
She shrieks, “No. Stop.” She wraps her arms around her torso and rocks herself back and forth. The sound of her teeth clacking as she snaps of her mouth closed causes little hairs to raise on my arms.
Tilly walks up beside me, but his too-charming smirk remains focused on her. “You shouldn’t go any closer right now.”
I feel helpless, and I don’t do well with that emotion. I need to be doing something to help this situation, and no one’s filling me in. I snap at him, “What’s happening?”
“Bloodlust. It’s fairly rare, but she won’t be able to control herself if you get too close.”
“I mean, I don’t mind…” I look at her. If she wants to feed again, I’m more than willing.
“No.” Her whimpered reply breaks my heart. I’m supposed to protect her, not cause her more pain.
Tilly looks down at me and brushes a fingernail against the healing bite on my sore neck. “She’s taken too much from you already. You have dark circles under your eyes and your skin’s ashy.” He looks at her. “You, go take a cold shower and drink this while you do.”
He tosses a plastic bottle filled with blood across the room. Teagan snatches it from the air and turns and bolts for the bathroom. The shower turns on, and I drop to sit on the bed.
“Is she going to be alright?”
He stretches out on the other bed. “Probably.” He grabs the remote and turns on the TV with it muted.
“That’s not very convincing. What’s wrong with her?”
“Bloodlust. I’ve said that.” He’s flipping through all the channels too quickly for my eyes to adjust to what’s being shown.
I thought I was starting to like him, but now I just want to stab him. I take a sharp breath and let it out slowly. “What does that mean, though?”
“Obviously, she lusts for your blood.” He scoffs, turns off the TV, and tosses the remote into the air, alternating which hand he catches it with.
The water shuts off, and a moment later, Teagan comes out in the same clothes with a towel wrapped around her hair. My shoulders drop in relief. Her eyes are back to their hazel grey color, and no fangs are showing. But she sits on the edge of the bed Tilly’s on. Can she not be around me now?
“Are you okay?” God, I just want to touch her, hold her. But I don’t.
“I… Uh, yeah. I think so.” She faces Tilly while fiddling with the blanket. “Did you find anything out?”
“Quite a bit. The custodian was told to look for you after the bus accident and had a picture of you. An older gentleman with a goatee paid her electronically after she texted him. She hasn’t spoken to him or seen him since. I destroyed the picture and cleared her mind of any memory of you.” He leans back, crossing a leg over his other knee and bouncing his foot in the air. He looks at me. “I questioned some people around the ER. They seem to think you’re on an extended leave of absence because of an emergency.” He looks back at Teagan. “People at the café were under the same impression about you. No one there was looking to report you. Your apartment was locked and secured, and none of your neighbors had any intention of tracking you. It was only the custodian and I’ve erased those memories. So, you’re both free to return to your normal lives.”
She picks at the blanket, refusing to look at either of us. “Will Jeff or Bret come looking for us again?”
“No. They were after you specifically, and I’ve taken care of their memories for good.”
She nods, and some of the tension eases from her shoulders. She might not want me to hold her right now, but I can still help some. I refuse to be useless. “Ask him about Elena.”
He stretches his long legs out on the mattress. Even sitting, they take up the entire space. How the hell did he sleep in a bed this size?
His head swings from me to her. “Your friend from Phoenix?”
“Yeah. She called me before they captured us and was worried about missing Vanamisch in that area. After hearing from Bret and Jeff that my dad’s being tested on in Phoenix, I’m even more worried. And she isn’t answering her phone. I was wondering if you have any Ambassador connections that might know where that facility in Phoenix is?”
He swings his legs around to the edge of the bed with an overly dramatic flourish. How he avoids kicking her or me, I have no idea. “Hmm.” His feet drop to the floor, and he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “And they were tracking you because of your dad?”
“Yeah, I believe so. I have no other connections here or in Phoenix besides Patrick and Elena.”
“Do you know what kind of tests they were doing on you and Patrick?”
“Not really. I only heard part of their conversation, but it sounded like they were trying to make him stronger and controllable.”
Tilly’s faces scrunches up, and he grunts in his chest.
“As for me, I think they were trying to make my healing rate slower. But they were upset and confused because I was healing faster than they expected.”
“Ha.” The rumble of Tilly’s deep laugh causes a chill to race down my back. It’s not menacing but isn’t reassuring either.
She wrings the blanket between her hands. “Why is that funny?”
“Well, it’s all speculation, but I’m guessing you’re healing faster for the same reason you’re having bloodlust.”
I gulp when her eyes flicker from grey to orange at the word blood. “What? Why?” She demands with a shaky voice.
“I’m assuming, because he’s your mate.”
Her mouth drops open, and she unblinkingly stares at him. There’s no way I could be her mate. None. Right? A small part of my chest blooms at the thought. But she literally told me, less than a day ago, that she didn’t want that. Ever. So, it doesn’t matter if I’m it or not. She doesn’t want that, doesn’t want me like that.
Her body leans back, away from both of us, and her gaze has locked onto the comforter like she’s afraid to acknowledge either of us.
Tilly continues, untroubled by the bomb he just dropped. “As for your friend and father, I know where the facility is and can be of assistance.”
She shakes her head but doesn’t look up. “I just want my friend. We can leave Patrick there.”
He chuckles. “Is that so?”
She finally looks up, but I can feel the tension between us, a barrier she’s putting up to protect herself. “Yeah, he’s cruel. He and my mother were mates, but she passed away when I was born.”
“Ah. That explains the sourness wafting from you.” He looks between us. “You don’t want a mate because you’ve only ever known an unstable one.”
She nods.
“I can understand that.” Tilly fluidly stands and walks towards the windows to peek out. “I lost my best friend because his mate perished. We can’t survive the loss of a mate.”
She shakes the tremble from her hands then wraps her arms back around her legs and rocks from side to side. “Are you certain we’re mates?”
“Nothing in life is certain.”
She looks at me with a haunted look. I feel connected to her. But mates? Doesn’t seem realistic or plausible to me…though a week ago, neither did vampires.
Her face tightens. “So, there’s no way to deny or reject it?”
Ouch. That hurts like hell. Like a punch to the chest. I know she doesn’t want a mate, but damn. I thought we had something.
“Hmm. That’s a new one.” Tilly’s head tilts, and he turns back to us, letting the curtain fall, obscuring the view of the street. “Never known anyone to try that.”
“I just need to worry about Elena. She would’ve called me back. Something’s happened.”
Tilly’s hands clench into fists. “I’ll help you find her.”
Regardless of this potential mate thing, I can be useful. Her friend might need medical attention too. “Yeah. With no one following us, we can pack up and head out tonight. We can alternate driving shifts to get there faster.”
She shakes her head at me. “You should go back to the hospital and your normal life.”
“Wait. What?” Her words slice into my soul.
“You’ve risked your life for me more than once, but you aren’t a part of this. It would be safer for you to return to your normal life and forget all about this.”
I do need to return to the ER. I’ve left them stranded for days. But I’m not ready to leave her. We’ve been through so much together. A part of me feels like I’ve known her my whole life, and another part wants to know more about her. We can work through this. Whatever this growing distance between us is, we can navigate it together.
“I could help you guys,” I plead.
“Not much.” Tilly’s dry response barely fazes me.
I’m concerned about her opinion, not his. “Can we talk for a minute?” I stand and take a step towards her.
She tenses and backs away from me, shaking her head, her eyes shifting in and out of orange. “I… I can’t be around you right now.”
“Oh. Um. Okay.” My arms go limp at my sides. I don’t want to leave her, but what are my options? “Should I just go? After everything?”
“I can’t process any of this right now. I just need to make sure Elena’s okay. Leave me your cell phone number, and I’ll call when I can.”
I scoff and turn, snatching my shirt from the floor and pulling it on. “Yeah. Sure. Fine.” I grab the notepad and pen from the nightstand and, with flared nostrils, jot down my number. I toss them onto the mattress in front of her then leave the room with my shoes in hand and not a glance back.
My chest’s burning when I stop in the parking lot to tug on my shoes. I’m so pissed off, and this all sucks. I have no car. No wallet. No phone. No money. Not to mention all I’ve done for her, all we’ve been through. And she can’t even talk to me for a single minute?
What the hell? I head towards the street, rubbing the aching pain in my sternum.
“Hey! Wait up,” Tilly calls out and jogs up to me quickly with his long strides. His eyes are glowing in the early dusk without his sunglasses. I scan the surroundings, but no one’s within sight. “I thought you could use these.” He hands over the flip phone and a wad of cash.
“Thanks.” Bitterness drips from my tone.
He offers a small smile and a soft pat on my shoulder. “Give her time. She’ll call.” He turns and jogs away without another word.
Well, at least I can call and pay for a taxi now. But what the hell? I want to stay and help. How can she just send me away like that?
After everything we’ve been through, she wants to just deny this. Without even discussing it. A wave of heaviness crashes over me, worthlessness settling deep in my stomach, and my shoulders scrunch towards my ears. I know she didn’t want a mate, but I thought she had some feelings for me. Guess I was mistaken.
After taking a taxi back to my place last night, I stuffed my face and immediately passed out. Exhaustion claiming me after all the excitement, not to mention the lack of food, blood, and sleep. I didn’t stir until early this morning.
I dreamed of Hope’s body turning cold in my arms. That nightmare’s not uncommon. But then I brushed her hair out of her face, and her features shifted to Teagan’s in front of my eyes. My arms constricted around her, and I shook her, trying to wake her. Trying to get some kind of reaction. But there was none. I woke up hugging my pillow in a death grip, sweat soaking my sheets.
I’ve been trying to distract myself from those images ever since. But my thoughts continually return to her. The hard workout and cold shower didn’t stop her from entering my mind for even a minute. Nothing is working.
My grip tightens on the book’s binding and the words on the page blur together as my anger rises. The harder I try to read them, the blurrier they get. I slam the book closed and toss it across the room; it hits the wall and tumbles to the white carpet below. I’m at a loss for what to do. Nothing’s holding my interest.
Well, except her. But I’m still pissed and shouldn’t be thinking about her.
I turn on my Xbox and load Call of Duty. Maybe some First-Person Shooter will distract me more than reading did. My thoughts still swarm with memories of her. Her beautiful eyes, soft skin, auburn hair… and bam. My character’s shot dead. My stomach turns in on itself.
My character respawns, and I shake my head, leaning forward to focus. Scanning left and right, I barely make it behind a blockade, and my thoughts drift again.
I don’t even have her number. She has mine. What, am I just expected to wait for her to contact me? What if she doesn’t? I don’t have her last name, or address, or anything. It’s been hours, and nothing.
But no news is good news, right? My character shoots, taking out an enemy, and I lean closer to the screen. Or will I never hear from her again? My spine curls forward and my chest caves in. Perhaps this is my reality. I knew I didn’t deserve that kind of happiness. I was just deluding myself.
I learned about this whole new world, and I wasn’t supposed to. What if she’s just cutting ties and moving on again? My jaw clenches and bam. My character drops dead again. I huff and chuck the controller across the room like the book then throw myself back into the couch with a deep sigh.
She gets blood from the hospital… I could follow up there if I still haven’t heard anything by the time I return to work.
When am I even returning to work?
How do I let everything good in my life slip through my fingers? Maybe I’m destined to be alone. My head drops back to the cushions, a heaviness sinking into my bones, and I zone out at the ceiling.
I’m just stuck here, envisioning a woman I have no right to wish for while the minutes of the night tick by, painfully slow.
She doesn’t want me. I have no right to hope for more. This is what I deserve.