19. CHAPTER 19
All the sensations, textures, sights, sounds…everything’s flooding me. My senses are completely maxed out. It’s all too overwhelming. The only thing I can focus on is our bond. A new secureness in my chest like a necklace wrapped around my heart, a constant tranquil presence.
Teagan snuggles closer, snoring softly, with her head tucked into my bare chest. She recapped their time in Phoenix between our rounds of passion. All the sweaty, bloody hours blurred into sensation, emotion, and knowledge overload until we both passed out. She said Tilly’s terrifying, and from the carnage she described, I believe her. But she still trusts him, and he seemed the same to me. I’ll follow her lead on this. As long as she doesn’t try to leave me again, I’ll go along with whatever plan she has.
I’m so exhausted, but all my merging senses keep waking me up. Things that shouldn’t go together or make sense now do. My brain’s struggling to keep track of all the changes, like the bedside lamp’s light is now vibrating and warm. The sound of the highway tastes salty. Teagan’s warm body pressed into mine hums like a soothing melody. None of it makes sense, and yet it does. Does she have this synesthesia of multiple senses blending too?
A knock on the hotel room door jolts her awake.
She looks up at me, a wide smile crossing her face. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. The silky softness of the strands sings to me as they slip through my fingers.
A tip-tap rapping against the wooden door has her pushing off my chest. She throws her t-shirt and shorts on while I dress, and she heads for the door.
It swings open, but Tilly’s large frame blocks out the light from the parking lot. He ducks under the door frame and enters, an almost-menacing look covering his features. Maybe she was right about him being terrifying. This is obviously not the giddy man I’ve come to know.
He stops short and glances at me and Teagan. “Well, that seemed to work.” A small smirk lifts one side of his lips.
Teagan closes the door and edges around him, sitting next to me on the unmade, blood-stained mattress. “What did you find out?”
His fists clench at his sides and the smirk disappears. “Your dad escaped before they left Phoenix, and they don’t know where he is.”
She bunches the blanket in her hands and nods as if she expected as much. “And Elena?”
“She was taken with a group of people to a facility in South America. They were having too much trouble with regulations, neighborhood complaints, on top of trying to control their rejects. They’re moving to a more isolated area.” His jaw clenches.
“But she’s alive?” She mindlessly nibbles on her raw, inflamed fingertips. I snatch her hand, placing it in my lap and rubbing some affectionate circles on the inside of her wrist.
“The contact I spoke to wasn’t positive, but it sounds likely considering we didn’t find her and only your dad and another male escaped.”
Teagan leans forward. “How will we find her?”
“We won’t.” His features harden, and a chill races across my skin. “I will. I have a history with Zosar. He shouldn’t be here or be messing with you guys. It’s personal.” He breathes in long and deep then exhales through flared nostrils. “I’ll track them and retrieve Elena.” His agitation in combination with his utter stillness tacks another point to the terrifying column.
“Couldn’t we help?” she pleads.
“No, you need to be focused on how you’re going to defeat your father. You’d be more of a hinderance than a help.” He nods towards me. “He’s scarcely adjusting as is.”
Teagan’s gaze snaps to me, concern clouding her face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” But it doesn’t land right. Not even I’m convinced. I shake my head. “I’m just a little inundated by all the sensations.”
Tilly nods. “We were both born this way, but I’ve heard it’s an adjustment for those who transition.”
Teagan looks worried and like she wants to ask more, but Tilly continues. Moving on from that topic and onto his next, which is much more characteristic of him. “If your father was modified, he could be stronger and faster. But obviously still deranged. More of a threat.”
“But he won’t be expecting both of us.” She interlaces our fingers, and I focus on the feeling of her skin against mine, letting it ground and calm me.
Tilly nods, wistfully smiling. “My best advice is to set a trap and be prepared to fight to the death. There’s no walking away this time. You take him out and leave his corpse for the Ambassadors to clean up.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I can’t keep running, and I’m not alone anymore.” She worries her bottom lip between her teeth.
I caress her check and brush my thumb to free her lip. “We’ll figure it out together.”
Tilly drops into a chair, throwing a leg over his bent knee. “I wanted to teach you one other thing before I leave.”
Teagan immediately tenses, sitting up straighter. “You’re leaving? Already?”
“Yes. I want to catch their trail while it’s still hot.” His foot bobs in the air.
Her eyebrows squeeze together, but she nods in acceptance. “Okay. What is it?”
“You can hone in on your senses by hyper focusing on one at a time. Practice by isolating single senses and dulling the others. Envision turning your other senses off, like pressing the brake pedal to stop a car. If you remove your foot even a little, the car will inch forward. It works the same way. If you lift the pressure off your other senses, they’ll come forward instantly. Try stepping outside and honing into single senses, like the call of a bird, the smell of the flowers blooming across the street. Or try to read a sign too far away. And then mute everything else but what you’re focusing on.”
My jaw drops open. Could this help me too? I’m so overwhelmed right now. I can barely think straight.
Teagan shakes her head in confusion. “You make it sound so simple.”
“Life’s a curious thing, isn’t it? Anything can seem simple enough once you’re used to it, but it takes some practice.” His gaze swings to me, taking in my dumbfounded expression. “It’ll work for you, too. But you’re struggling with your normal existence. Get comfortable there first.”
Tilly pushes to his feet and digs in his pocket. Then he throws the flip phone onto the end of the bed in front of us. “I’ll call when I have an update.” And with that, he turns for the door.
Teagan stumbles out of my embrace and jumps up. “Wait!”
“I can’t. I’ve already stayed longer than I wanted.” He nods behind us to me. “He’s hungry. Make sure you teach him to glamour. You don’t want the Ambassadors cleaning up after you guys.”
And then he’s gone—I didn’t even see him move, but the door closes with a click.
“How can he move so fast?” My voice quivers.
“I don’t know. There’s a lot about him I don’t understand.” She looks freaked out. “But back to what he said. Are you hungry?”
“I… Ahh… I’m not sure. Maybe. I’m a little frazzled right now.”
We head back to Chicago, stopping a few times to practice my glamour and eat. We also had to stop to get me new clothes. The abrasive texture of the last ones weren’t helping my sensory overload. My eyesight is better than I ever remember it being, but the harshness of the lights started giving me a headache. I snagged a pair of nonprescription tinted glasses at one of our stops and they are helping take the edge off, at least a little. Plus, I kept trying to push my frames up my nose when they weren’t there.
She even picked up food from a steakhouse. I used to prefer a well-done steak, but this raw one’s hitting way differently now. I’m glad I can still eat some human food, though my diet’s definitely changing. How will this impact my workouts and weight?
She pulls into a covered parking space and turns off the car. We make our way up the sidewalk toward the older sage building. She stops in front of a door on the second floor and reaches up on tippytoes to the lift the lampshade of the porch light, pulling out a spare key.
She chuckles at the confusion on my face. “I locked myself out one too many times.” She unlocks the door, and I follow her inside. “I know it’s not the fanciest place, but it’s home.” She shrugs.
There’s hardly any proper furniture. An old, beat-up couch, boxes used for end tables, a small table lamp sitting on the corner of one. I can see into her bedroom, and there are just clothes haphazardly flowing from a trunk on its side—a trunk I remember from the bus wreck. And an air mattress with a single pillow and blanket against the wall.
She sways from foot to foot and rubs at the back of her neck. “We don’t have to stay here. I just wanted to pick up some clean clothes.”
I don’t care where we are; I just want to be with her. “Do you feel comfortable here?”
She looks around the meek room with a dejected expression. “Yeah, I guess. I move around so much, it’s easier to live with less.”
I pull her into my arms and kiss her softly. “I don’t care where you live or what you own. I just want to be with you, and I want you to feel comfortable.”
“Okay.” Her chin wobbles ever so slightly. “I’m not used to this.”
I wrap my arms around her waist, rubbing soft circles against her hip. “To what?”
“To being with someone. Being vulnerable. To letting others in.”
“I’m not either. I don’t have any friends outside of work. I never thought I deserved them.”
She shakes her head but then rests it against my chest. “You deserve more than you know.”
“We both do.” I light and playfully smack her ass. “Now let’s shower and sleep. I’m exhausted.”