18. Court
CHAPTER 18
COURT
Day 14—Greece
I have one millisecond to catalogue Hartley’s watery smile before she launches herself at me.
“Yes,” she says against my neck. “Yes, yes, yes.”
My relief is instant but short-lived because there’s a chance she might’ve misunderstood me. I pull back and frame her face in my hands. “Just to be clear, I want a relationship with you after the race.”
“Still yes,” she says with an emphatic nod.
Her confirmation is all it takes for my entire body to relax against her.
The idea for the stars came when we were sleeping on the airport floor in Cairo. It was getting harder to keep sex as only a physical thing, and then seeing Nefertari’s ceiling and Gianna telling me to think about trying again...it felt like one of Hartley’s nudges from the universe.
The original plan was to mail her some stars after the race, but then we won the Shortcut. Hartley had to use the bathroom when we got to the hotel, so I said I’d check us in. I used those few precious minutes to beg the front desk manager to switch us to a king bed and go shopping for me. As soon as I told her my plan, she called the concierge over and that was that. She wouldn’t even accept my handwritten IOU for when I get home. She’s totally getting a five-star review when I can get online again .
“I actually planned on talking to you later today,” Hartley says.
“You did?”
“In addition to my epiphany at the Parthenon, I realized in the Jacuzzi that I was envious of a fake soap opera character named after a dipping sauce.”
I bark out a laugh. “That’s an oddly specific realization.”
“It’s true!” Hartley takes my hands and laces our fingers on top of the bag of stars. “When you said, ‘My heart has always been yours’...” She shrugs. “I wished you were saying that to me and it brought a lot of things in focus.”
I lift the bag between us and wait until she gives me her eyes to say, “Why do you think none of my relationships since college have worked out? You’ve had my heart since the first time we did this.”
She releases a soft gasp as I drop the bag and claim her mouth, letting my tongue fill in the blanks to the rest of the words I haven’t said yet. And there are so many words—hours of them, bottled up after six years, and I carefully place them on her neck, her jaw, the skin behind her ear. I slip her robe off one shoulder, then the other, and press more words on her nipples and her breasts, massaging them into her skin as I go.
The package of stars falls to the side when I untie her robe and toss it to the floor. I rise long enough to add my robe to the pile, then settle on top of her. Stunning green eyes blink up at me when I guide myself inside. I feel her nails press into my back as I fill her and then we’re kissing again while I set a slow rhythm with my hips.
The more we move, the more my words scatter until there are only three left.
I.
Love.
You.
I leave them all over her body with my hands, my tongue, and finally with my voice. She repeats them as we tumble over the edge together.
Standings after leg 8, Greece
1. Us* Shortcut
2. Old Bay (Haylee and Kadeeja)
3. Kick Asspen (Treva and Boyd)
4. Bombshells (Gianna and Alexis)
5. Wise Guys (DeAngelo and Big Mike )
6. A Team (Mitchell and Kennedy)* Repeat
After starting strong leaving Greece, we came in fourth in Montenegro. It wasn’t entirely our fault though. Our first taxi broke down, and later in the day, we got directions from a local who didn’t know the difference between north and south...except we didn’t realize that until we’d gone ten miles in the wrong direction.
What saved us is that despite Treva’s speed on land, she’s a weak swimmer, and we were able to overtake Kick Asspen in the team challenge. Thankfully, she promised there were no hard feelings and even let me borrow her essential oil roller in case my ankle starts hurting again.
We only saw the Bombshells for about thirty seconds in between our second clue and the solo challenge, which was long enough to make dinner plans for tonight so we can catch up. We’re waiting in the hotel lobby with Justin, our cameraman and tonight’s obligatory chaperone, when they come out of the elevator.
It takes them exactly four steps before they notice Hartley’s hand in mine. Their smiles are immediate, with Gianna looking to the heavens, arms wide, saying, “Finally!” and Alexis shaking her head good-naturedly and adding, “Took you long enough.”
Their questions come out in a flurry once we’re seated at the restaurant across the street from our hotel.
“Tell us everything,” Alexis says.
“Well, not everything everything,” Gianna clarifies.
“When did it happen?”
“Where did it happen?”
“What made you two finally pull your heads out of your asses?”
“What did everyone else say?”
“What’s your plan once the race is over?”
“When’s the wedding?”
At this, Alexis rests her hand on Gianna’s arm and says, “Whoa, slow down.”
Gianna gives her an oh, come on look. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“Well, no, but...” Alexis cups her fingers and loudly whispers, “We don’t want to scare the children.”
“Valid,” Gianna concedes, then to us says, “Sorry, guys.”
Hartley waves off their worry with her free hand because I’m holding the other one. On top of the table. Because I can officially do stuff like this now. It’s a heady feeling, and I’m trying to bank as much of it as possible.
“Let’s start at the top,” Hartley says with a mirthful smile. “The ‘when’ and ‘where’ depends on which part you’re referring to. We agreed to try again during our break in Greece. But if you’re talking about when I realized I had feelings for him...” She pauses to think. “It was probably after I bungee jumped in New Zealand.”
“What about you?” Alexis asks me.
The answer rolls off my tongue without needing to think. “Dallas.”
Two knowing smiles and one stunned gaze land on me.
“Dallas?” Hartley repeats.
“That tracks,” Justin says from the table to our right.
She peers over at him. “It does?”
“I was your cameraman that day. Dude couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
She swings that stunned gaze back to me and raises her brows further.
“He’s not wrong,” I say.
“I thought you hated me at first.”
“I’ve had many, many feelings for you.” I lean in for a kiss since I can do that now, too. “But hate was never one of them.”
Hartley’s cheeks are pink when I pull away.
“Gah!” Alexis grabs Gianna’s arm and squeezes. “I can’t with the cuteness. It’s too much.”
Needing something other than Hartley to focus on, I give my attention to the Bombshells. “What was the next question?”
“What happened to change your minds about trying to make this work after the race?” Gianna asks. “Because the last time we talked to you in Egypt, you were both...” She spreads her hands apart to demonstrate her point.
“In a word, I’m an idiot,” Hartley says with a self-deprecating eye roll. “The longer version is that I’ve watched Court’s face light up throughout the race when he talks about history and geography. I already told him he should consider becoming a full-time teacher instead of a substitute.”
Alexis glances at me. “I can definitely see you being a teacher.”
“Exactly. But I couldn’t tell him to consider switching careers and not be willing to do the same thing myself. I was only supposed to work for my dad’s company for a few months until things settled down and we could hire someone. Then I started feeling guilty about the accident and felt like it was my responsibility to stay and help. I worked through that part with my therapist, but I’d already been there a few years by that point and?—”
“Wait, back up,” I say. Hartley didn’t mention the accident when we talked about careers last night, just that she was tired of feeling stuck and living someone else’s life. “Why would you feel guilty if you weren’t even there?”
“They were on the way to the airport to pick me up when it happened.”
On the way to the airport.
My memory flips back to our interview with Wendell in Dallas when she said she didn’t go to Italy because she had to go home.
Not went home.
Had to go home.
I force a swallow as prickles of icy heat climb my neck. Surely Isaac Newton wouldn’t be this cruel, right? “Was this after you graduated?”
To my horror, she nods. “I’d already sold my car. I was going to spend a few weeks at home, then fly out to my internship.”
Fuck.
Fuck!
This whole time I thought I was doing the right thing.
But they wouldn’t have been there if she didn’t need to fly home.
And she wouldn’t have flown home if she had her car.
And she wouldn’t have sold her car if . . .
FUCK!
“Court.”
My lungs burn under the crushing weight of a reality I caused.
“Hey.”
All I ever wanted was for her to?—
“Courtland Everett Mueller.” Hartley captures my face in her hands and blasts me with an authoritative stare. How can she stand to look at me right now?
“It’s all my fault.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.”
“You didn’t?—”
“I did! I let you go so you wouldn’t be trapped in a cage with me, and then forced you and your parents into a cage. A man is paralyzed because of me.”
I’m going to puke. Or pass out. Why doesn’t this room have any air? And when did the door get so far away? Maybe I can still make it. Maybe I’ll just keep going until I’m in the street where the universe can right my wrongs.
I push up from the table to go, but Hartley’s hands are right there pushing me back down.
I can’t breathe.
“Court. ”
“I’m sorry,” I rasp. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” Her hands move from my shoulders to my face. I feel her wipe my cheeks, then rest her forehead against mine. “You weren’t driving that truck. You didn’t fall asleep at the wheel.”
“But I made the decision that led them there. I swear I thought I was doing the right thing. If I would’ve known...”
“Look at me.”
I shake my head.
“Please.”
Her voice is filled with far too much compassion for someone who’s responsible for ruining her father’s life. Where’s her anger? Her blame? Why can’t she see I’m the literal reason she’s been unhappy for the last six years?
She says something to the Bombshells, then lifts me by the arm and leads me outside. I spend our short walk picturing her face in the airport when she told me, Treva, and Boyd that she was running her dad’s company. It was like someone took her colors away and gave her a palette of gray instead.
Well, not someone.
Me.
We stop abruptly and she pushes me onto a bench, straddles me, and takes me by the face again.
What is she doing?
“It’s not like that,” she says, reading my unspoken question about why she’s sitting on my lap. “But I need you to see me right now and this is the only way I know how.”
I release a heavy breath and reluctantly drag my gaze to hers.
“My dad wouldn’t have gotten in his accident if I went to one of the other two colleges that accepted me. Or if I got that internship the first year I applied. Or if I chose the flight that came in two hours earlier. Or if, or if, or if. We make thousands of decisions every single day. Most turn out fine. Some don’t. But you can’t spend the rest of your life stuck in the domino effect of someone else’s decisions.
“You are not responsible for that driver’s decision to get in his truck knowing he was already tired, nor are you responsible for his decision not to pull off at any of the seven rest areas he passed before the site of the accident.”
Damn. “Seven?”
She nods.
“What an asshole.”
Shocked laughter bursts from her lips. “The biggest. ”
Despite the lingering heaviness, my next few breaths come easier. “I still feel awful though.”
“I know. And I’ll keep reminding you that it’s not your fault for as long as it takes to sink in.”
“How long did it take you?”
“Three years of therapy and thousands of dollars. You get the abbreviated version for a bargain price of twenty-seven dollars and twelve cents.”
“You are something else,” I mutter as the corners of my mouth quirk up. Only she’d be able to bookend this moment with something positive and make me smile in the process.
“And now I get to tell you the good part.”
Of course there’s a good part. I slide my hands around her hips and lock them behind her. “What’s the bright side, Hartley O.?”
She unleashes a grin as she circles her arms around my neck. “My dad became paralyzed?—”
“I thought we established that one as a negative.”
She breaks her hold long enough to press a finger to my lips. “Stay with me here.”
I lift my brows as if to say, Proceed .
“He became paralyzed, and I stayed home. Then I got stuck in a job I never wanted but couldn’t get out of and I went stir-crazy. I desperately needed to do something for me, so I went for the biggest, wildest thing I could find and auditioned for this show. Which means...”
She pauses to let me fill in the rest.
“Without that accident, none of this would be happening.”