Chapter 30
‘How dare he? And who dumps someone by letter anyway?’ Robert’s voice is full of outrage on my behalf.
I’m sitting on the single bed in our room, numb with shock.
After receiving Gabriel’s letter, I couldn’t get away from the concert venue fast enough.
Thankfully, Berkley was waiting for me exactly where he’d said he would be and, although he didn’t say anything, part of me wondered whether he knew what had happened.
‘I think he’d have texted if he could,’ I reply flatly. ‘But he’d have remembered that my phone doesn’t work outside the hotel Wi-Fi so resorted to a letter to make sure I got the message before the after-concert party. Heaven forbid I should have pitched up and forced him to say it to my face.’
‘I think I would have done exactly that,’ Robert says, handing the piece of paper back to me. ‘This is pure cowardice. I’m kind of surprised you didn’t, actually. Where’s the feisty Tori we all know and love?’
‘I was tempted,’ I admit. ‘But thankfully reason kicked in. Can you imagine the scene? Him trying to let me down gently while his whole family looked on in pity. And that’s assuming that I even got in front of him without fucking Harvey intercepting me and telling me to run along like a good girl.
Ugh. No, thank you. At least this way I get to keep my dignity intact.
And I blocked and deleted his number on the way back, as a gesture of defiance. ’
‘It just doesn’t add up,’ he continues, his tone softer now. ‘I mean, didn’t he say he wanted to carry on seeing you once you were back in the UK?’
‘He did,’ I agree. ‘And I was thinking about that in the car as well. I reckon there are two Gabriels. There’s the lovely guy I met and spent time with, and then there’s this one.
’ I brandish the piece of paper to emphasise my point.
‘The one who’s totally in thrall to bloody Harvey and thinks of nothing except his work.
I should have seen what was coming after the way he behaved at the airport. ’
‘Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. You deserved better.’
‘I did, and I do.’ A thought comes to me and I laugh bitterly. ‘Do you realise, it’s still only February, and so far this year I’ve slept with two men who’ve turned out to be total arseholes? Even by my usually low standards, that’s impressive.’
‘I still don’t get it,’ Robert says after a while. ‘I mean, you met his family and everything.’
‘Let it go,’ I tell him.
‘Is that what you’re going to do? Just like that?’
‘I don’t think I really have a choice,’ I explain.
‘He’s back in Harvey’s grasp, off to be a fabulous wanker on his concert tour, and driving myself round the bend trying to work out what was real and what he just told me to keep me sweet isn’t going to help me.
It’s just giving him yet more headspace that he doesn’t deserve. ’
There’s a long silence before Robert speaks.
‘I admire you,’ he says eventually.
‘What? Why?’
‘You’re right. You’ve been badly let down twice in quick succession. Firstly by Stuart, and now Gabriel. That’s enough to crush anyone’s spirits. But not only do you refuse to be crushed, you’ve stood up to Stuart, dealt with Amy, and helped me to stop being the arse during my own breakup.’
‘I don’t think it’s as admirable as you describe,’ I reply.
‘How would you describe it then?’
‘Frantically playing a really shit hand of poker, hoping against hope that it will somehow come right even though it just keeps getting worse. A Greek tragedy of hope over experience. If this was a film, I’d be walking into the ocean to drown myself as the credits roll and the lights come up in the cinema. ’
‘You wouldn’t do that.’
‘No. He’s not worth it. No man is.’
‘Ouch.’
‘Sorry. If you want your ego stroking, now is probably not the time.’
He smiles. ‘What do you think your friend Priya is going to say? She doesn’t strike me as the type to take this sort of thing lying down.’
‘Yeah. Luckily for him, he’s out of her reach in the US. If he’d been playing a concert tour in London, I wouldn’t put it past her to daub the advertising posters with a few carefully chosen phrases.’
‘Really?’
‘No, probably not. She’s far too law abiding these days. She’d definitely think about it though. She was pretty vocal when I told her about the way he behaved at the airport.’
‘I’ll bet. What did she say?’
‘She suggested I should seduce you instead,’ I say. Once again, the words are out of my mouth before my brain can stop them, and I can feel the flush of embarrassment spread across my cheeks. ‘Don’t worry, I put her right,’ I add firmly.
‘Did you?’ His expression is curious rather than offended. ‘Am I such a poor prospect?’
Oh, God. I’ve really put my foot in it this time.
‘Of course not,’ I babble. ‘It’s just…’
‘Just what?’ He’s toying with me now, the bastard. Well, two can play at that game, and it is a distraction from thinking about Gabriel.
‘OK,’ I say. ‘Remember that you started this, all right?’
‘Started what?’
‘Tell me honestly. Do you fancy me?’
He laughs. ‘Oh, no you don’t. I’m not playing that game. That’s right up there with “Does my bum look big in this”, and all men know there’s no answer to that question that ends well.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘If I say no, you’ll be instantly offended.
However, if I say yes, then that puts us in a really embarrassing situation.
What if I fancied you but you didn’t feel the same?
All super awkward. Are you an attractive woman?
Yes. Am I attracted to you? To be honest, I can’t answer that. What did you say to Priya?’
‘That you were more like a brother than a lover. It would be weird.’
‘Exactly.’ The relief in his voice is palpable.
‘I think you’re great, I really do. And maybe, if we’d met in different circumstances, something might have happened.
But there’s too much water under the friendzone bridge, and the last thing I want to be is the third arsehole in your disastrous year.
Maybe we’re supposed to be the way we are. ’
‘Which is?’ I ask.
‘Two good friends, helping each other navigate the batshit world of disastrous relationships.’
I smile at him. ‘Thank you.’
‘For what?’
‘For saying the things I needed to hear. For validating me. For not being weird.’
‘It’s the least I could do. And anyway, it’s me that should be thanking you for putting up with me at my worst, and helping me to realise my role in Fliss’s and my breakup. I honestly think I’m a better person for having met you. For what it’s worth, I think Gabriel is a fool for letting you go.’
Although I’m grateful for Robert’s encouragement, and glad we had such an honest conversation, my mood plummets again once I’m in bed and trying to get to sleep.
Robert’s last sentence is playing on a loop in my head and all I can think of is one question.
Is Gabriel a fool for letting me go, or am I the fool for trusting him?