Chapter 3
Three
"U sually people take a whole shot when they're spilling secrets," Hayden began as I watched the clear liquid fall into one of the shot glasses he'd grabbed from the kitchen. "But since we're both not heavy drinkers, let's start with a half shot so we don't fall on our faces."
Hayden handed me the glass and I agreed. "Good idea." I paused. "So, if I take a shot when the truth gets too hard, you take one too?"
He nodded. "Or when I have a question and the answer you give me is not what I was expecting. But first, we take one just to get things going."
I watched as he poured another half shot for himself. After I had climbed onto his lap, he didn't say a word, didn't push me to speak, he just held me in his warm embrace and wiped the tears from my eyes. His faded blue shirt still had a wet spot from where I cried.
He capped the silver flask and nestled it between his thighs that were the size of tree trunks.
Looking up, his crystal blue eyes glimmered with mischief.
A timid smile curved the corners of his lips and I felt mine do the same.
He was trying to ease me. His sandy blond hair was disheveled, like he’d run his hand through it.
"Ready?" he asked.
I exhaled. "Nope. Let's do this." We clinked our glasses. I brought the glass to my lips and our eyes locked as the cool liquid went down the back of my throat. I cringed. How anyone drank this crap was beyond me. Alcohol was not my thing.
"It feels like fire in my throat," I rasped through the burn.
"Sounds like a symptom of an STD." Hayden laughed.
"You should know, before you ask me anything, that Kova never pushed me," I stressed to him. "Not once."
His lips formed a flat line and he nodded. "You know it's hard for me to believe anything considering his age and status, right? He wields a lot of power, Aid. Maybe you don't realize it."
"I can see where you're coming from and why you would think that, but it's not the case. I promise on my life, it's not."
I could tell by the look in Hayden's eyes that he wasn't convinced.
"When did it start? Who else knows?" he asked.
"A couple of months after I moved here. The only other person who knows anything is Avery, but she doesn't know everything yet."
"Are you going to tell her?"
"Eventually, yes. She's my best friend, but I'm worried she'll judge me."
"Would you have told me had I not caught you?"
I contemplated my answer for a long moment. Hayden knew the answer before I told him. "Probably not."
"You gave him your virginity," he stated more than asked.
I thrust my glass toward him for a refill.
"Wow. No foreplay." We both threw back another half shot.
The memory of losing my virginity filled my mind.
Just like anyone's first time, it was uncomfortable and painful; but Kova had gone slow and allowed me to adjust to his size, then brought me more pleasure than I could've ever imagined.
"I did," I finally said, heat rushing to my cheeks.
He blinked. "So Kova knew you were a virgin and he didn't care?"
I shook my head in protest. "I didn't tell him. He didn't know."
He scoffed. "That's impossible."
"It's not. How would he have known if I didn't tell him?"
"I don't know, a hymen being there for one."
I ignored that. "He found out afterward and went ballistic."
A dark shadow cast over Hayden's blue eyes. They reminded me of the deep ocean. "What do you mean ballistic ?" he growled.
"We had an argument over it. Things got a little tense."
"A little tense," he repeated under his breath. "Where were you when it happened?"
"Here."
Hayden went ramrod straight. "You mean to tell me he came to have sex with you here? In your condo, where you couldn't escape him? Did you do it so he'd pay more attention to you?"
That upset me.
"There was no need to escape him because I didn't want to.
" My voice rose as I accentuated each word with a sharp bite.
"I wanted it, I liked it." The thought of having sex with Kova caused a stir of sensations to stream through my body.
My cheeks flushed again. Even though I was devastated over the fact that he took me out of the meet, I couldn't stop my body from reacting to him.
Everything we shared was everything I wanted, and trying to get Hayden to comprehend that was deeming to be a challenge.
"You're blushing." Hayden's head tilted to the side and his jaw dropped.
"You're thinking about it, aren't you? You're thinking about fucking him.
" Shaking his head in disbelief, Hayden poured himself a whole shot and quickly threw it back, then he filled mine but I didn't move to drink it.
"I can't believe it," he muttered under his breath with disgust.
My brows shot up. I looked over his shoulder. "No, I'm not."
"You're lying. I can see it in your eyes."
"Fine. I am. What do you want from me, Hayden?
I'm telling you the truth—it's what you asked for.
I liked having sex with Kova, I liked everything about it.
I can't help if thinking about it gets me all hot and bothered.
" Hayden went to speak but I cut him off.
"And he didn't come here to fuck, he came to talk to me.
One thing led to another and it kind of just happened. "
He gave me a droll stare. "Things like that don't just happen, Aid—"
"I can't just fall onto a dick, I know," I mocked. "Avery said the same thing."
Hayden let out a laugh, lightening the tension in the room. My shoulders relaxed. "Well, Avery's right. It's not possible."
"Yeah, I know, but Hayden…you don't understand. It's honestly not what you think. We connected on a purely psychological level. We understand each other and want the same things. Never in a million years did I expect this to happen."
He shook his head, disagreeing. "He's your coach, though.
He, more than anyone, knew better than to get involved with his gymnast. Let alone, your age.
I place the blame solely on him for what's happened, he's the catalyst in all of this.
I don't understand how he could take advantage, Aid. It's disgusting."
I flinched.
Hayden sighed. "I'm trying to understand this, but I don’t think I ever will. He should've put a stop to it before it could even start. How can you not see what he did to you is wrong?"
I was tired of it all. "Maybe it's not something that needs to be understood."
"It doesn't work like that in the eyes of the law." He paused, his forehead creasing. "Were you at least using protection? Please tell me you're on birth control."
I gave a subtle shake of my head in answer.
"Bareback," he bit out. "Please don't tell me he fucked you without a condom." I averted my gaze. He continued. "Unbelievable. He's a dumb fuck if I ever saw one. What guy doesn't carry a condom?"
My brows furrowed. "You mean, you always have one on you?"
"Yes!"
"Oh." I paused. "Like right now, you have one on you?"
"Yes!" he exclaimed, like it was an obvious thing. "Don't be so naive, Aid."
I took offense to that. "I'm not naive. I just didn't think all men carried a condom around, it's so cliché."
"Getting an STD is not on my to-do list, and girls don't typically carry them in their purses."
A sad chuckle escaped me. "That's true." My eyes popped. "Fuck!" I took the shot and hastily handed Hayden the little glass. I didn't even have time to cringe from the bitter, disgusting taste.
Jumping up from the couch, I ran to the bar where I left my duffle bag, and shuffled through it. I wasn't a drinker in the slightest, so the vodka had started to flush my blood with warmth and loosen me.
"What are you doing?" he asked, following me.
Sighing in relief, my shoulders sagged when I found what I was looking for.
I turned around and held the box up next to my face.
Hayden glanced at what I held in my hand.
His face slowly transformed into a fusion of puzzlement, wrath, and revulsion.
His jaw hardened and I bit my lip. The air changed around us.
"He makes you take the morning after pill? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know how bad that is for your body?" he roared. Hayden yanked it out of my hand and flipped it over to read the back.
"He doesn't make me take it, it was my suggestion since I’m not on birth control. I never needed it before."
"Let me guess, he just happens to keep a stash of these babies laying around." When I didn't say anything, his blue eyes lit up. "I'm right, aren't I?"
I shook my head in denial. "No, not really. He's had to go buy them in the past. Today he just happened to have some on hand."
Hayden shifted from foot to foot. He let out a heavy huff. "So he was prepared for the next quick bang is basically what you're telling me." He paused. "Wait. How many times have you taken this garbage?"
"A few."
"A few," he retorted. "How could you put this in your body after how hard you work?"
"I don't know, Hayden. I wasn't thinking."
"Damn straight you weren't thinking. Do you even know—" he stopped himself, and slowly lowered his arm. Hayden's face paled, twisting into a nauseating clarity. His eyes widened. "When you got sick, this was the cause of it? When I took you to the doctor?"
I clenched my eyes shut. I hadn't planned on telling him that little tidbit.
"I think we need another shot," I suggested, deflecting. I tried to step away, but he reached out and clamped a hand over my wrist. His grip wasn’t painful, but ferocity pulsed through his hand and his eyes were dark with fury.
"It was, wasn’t it?"
"Yes and no. We had an argument that led to some rough…ish sex. It hurt to pee the next day so I held it in, which was stupid because it's what caused the infection. The doctor said it could've been a combo of the pill on top of the kidney infection that caused the severe cramping."
"Un-fucking-real. How many times have you taken this shit, Aid?"
I winced at the bite in his tone. "This would be my third time."
His jaw slackened, and so did the hand holding my wrist. His shoulders dropped, like he'd been defeated for not protecting me sooner. I had no intention of hurting Hayden, but he wanted the truth, and honestly, I needed to get it out.
Dragging a hand through his hair, he tugged at his scalp.
He paced the living room, shaking his head, and muttering under his breath.
Anxiety clenched my stomach as I watched.
His grip crinkled the box, and I sent up a silent prayer in hopes he wouldn't crush the pill.
His other hand was a tight fist at his side, the veins in his arm twirling down his forearm.
He was so mad, so pissed off I thought he was going to punch my wall, but his next move blindsided me.
Hayden strode up to me, and before I could blink, he tugged me into a hug.
He aligned his body with mine and placed his big muscled arms around my shoulders, caging me to him.
His entire body trembled with rage. I dropped my fight against him to accept what happened and wound my arms around his lower back.
Somehow, I think he needed this more than I did.
"I'm going to fucking kill him," he said with his lips to the top of my head. "He should've never allowed himself to be in a situation where he would be tempted."
"It wasn't all him, you know. I'm to blame too."
Hayden ran a hand down my hair and kissed the top of my head. He nestled me closer to him and gave me a comforting embrace. The vodka was pulsing through my veins and I relaxed into him with a warm sigh. Despite confessing parts of my torrid affair to him, it was a relief to talk about it.
"Do not have sex with him again. Please," he begged, his voice cracking along with my heart. Hayden was my closest friend here. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, and while he demanded the whole truth, the truth affected him.
"If you want it…if you want sex, use me. We don't have to be in a relationship, and we don't have to tell anyone."
"He thinks we're in a relationship," I said, staring at his honey-colored arms.
Hayden pulled back and looked down at me.
One of his hands rested on the small of my back, the other at the base of my neck.
His gentle fingers massaged my nape and my body flushed from his touch.
I looked up at him and realized the vodka was hitting me faster than I thought…
as well as him. We both had the same glossy-eyed look.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it was one of the reasons why he pulled me, but also really because he wants me to hate him to the point where I won't let him come near me since he can't seem to stay away from me, if you catch my drift…"
His lip curled up. "Unreal. He's a real piece of work. So, he took you out of the meet because he thinks you two are in a relationship, all the while he’s screwing his girlfriend at home on a regular basis, and because he can't control himself? Can we say double standard?"
"He said he wants me to hate him."
"And do you?"
I thought about his question before I responded. "Yes and no. It's complicated."
Hayden released his hold and stepped back, staring at the wall behind me. I’d blindsided him with my bible-sized list of confessions.
He ran a hand through his hair again and said, "Let's get another drink, and then maybe that will be it for the night. We don't want to wake up with a wicked hangover."
Before I could respond, there was an insistent tap at my door. My heart dropped. Blood drained from my face and Hayden observed me with a confused look.
I knew who it was. It could only be one person.