Chapter 21 #2
Kova chuckled and I felt it deep in my belly. "I want to know what you thought about today," he said in a low tone. "If you learned anything new."
"Of course I did."
"Like?" He motioned his hand for me to elaborate. He was too comfortable in that chair and it made my heart hammer.
"Like I need to tighten and clean my routines.
" I leaned forward. "Get any noise out that will distract the judges.
I need to be innately mindful of everything I do.
If I can feel it, they can see it. The girls made simple, careless mistakes.
The kind I'm sure I make too." I looked him directly in the eye.
"I need to break down my routines and perfect each skill, nail each one to sheer precision, even if it takes all day to break down a thirty-second bar routine. I have to have a firm understanding of the sport and what I’m doing.
Focus and listen to my coaches, really pay attention, visualize it; and do it all with my mouth shut. "
I leaned back and expelled a breath. I stared hard at Kova, like I was mad, but I wasn't. I felt every word and I couldn't wait to show him I meant it. To prove it, like he's always saying.
He slowly bobbed his head, and his sharp jaw held my focus. The man could cut steel with it.
He tapped his finger on the table. "You are eager to get back in the gym," Kova stated more than asked.
I nodded and a stupid grin pulled at my lips. It's what gymnastics did to me. "You can't even imagine."
Kova cracked a smile. "Believe me, I know the feeling very well. I can hear it in your voice. You want it bad."
I didn’t want it, I ached for it. I burned with longing to do what I loved for both me and him. I felt everything. The clawing need in my stomach to get back into the gym. The desire to prove I had what it took.
"I like where your head is at. It is where you need to be—focused on not just shit inside the circle, but outside of it too.
Become a coach. Be a judge. What would you critique about yourself?
You must be aware of your surroundings, what you are up against. The more you work, the more strength you have, the stronger you become.
Not just in your bones and muscles, but up here too.
" Kova tapped the side of his head. "Bloom under pressure and show them what you are made of.
I want you to shine out there. I know you can do it.
Find your weakness and improve it. Everyone has a weakness somewhere, Adrianna, you just have to be the bigger person to recognize it. "
"What's your weakness?"
"You," he said without hesitation.
"Me?" I pulled back.
Kova nodded and repeated himself. "You. Now tell me, what is your strength? What keeps you going besides your love for the sport?"
You , I wanted to say. It was my first instinct.
Kova was my strength, but I was his weakness.
A weakness he worked on to improve and make resilient. A strength that I drew from.
God, the complexity of that tore at my center. We were going to sleep in different beds with the same appetite, wake up with the same drive and same focus, work together to come out as one. We were a team.
"Say it," he pushed on in a whisper. I didn't need to, he could read the answer in my eyes. "I want to hear you say the words, Ria. I need to hear them."
I swallowed, shying away. "You." My voice cracked. "You are my strength, Kova." God, it was so true, and it nearly knocked the wind from my lungs. He really was what I relied on to give me what I needed, and I didn't realize it until recently.
He didn't gloat. "What inspires you?"
"You," I said softly.
"Ask me what inspires me."
I asked him.
"You," he said. My stomach fluttered. "What drives you to push harder?"
"You," I said.
"We are a team—I exhale, you inhale. We fight together.
We work together. It is an amazing feeling when you find someone who shares the same passion as you.
The possibilities are endless. I am the beast beneath your beauty, pushing you.
From here on out, we do it together. You come to me for anything and I will do everything in my power to make it happen. "
We stared into each other's eyes without saying another word. We had it all yet didn't have anything.
I'd been incredibly wrong about him. He cared so profoundly it was suffocating. He was untrusting and put on a facade, and I could see why. When he gave, really gave himself, he invaded your personal space to the extreme and took control.
"I know I do not say this often, but you are a great gymnast. You have come a long way this past year, you just need some polishing."
"There is no gymnast who is absolutely perfect, Kova."
Cocking his head, he lifted one side of his mouth ready for a challenge.
"I beg to differ. Nadia Comaneci was the first to be deemed perfect.
Why? Because she had a coach who was relentless, who fought with her, not against her.
He saw her potential, her drive, and pushed.
That is how I feel about you. Do not mistake arrogance for confidence.
It is not like that. Some days it is not pretty, but nothing is pretty that you do not work for.
" Kova shifted in his chair and leaned forward, tapping the countertop with his middle finger.
"You are an athlete, a business that needs to be promoted, in a sense.
You compete with others to get ahead. Use their flaws for your advancement and I promise you it will all fall into place. "
I nodded my head, finally understanding his view. "I guess I always had the mentality that I didn't need to compete with others, only with myself to be better than what I was yesterday."
"Today you saw that is not the case." He looked me deep in the eye, and it unnerved me. "Ria, everything I do has a reason. Pulling you from the meet was not such a bad idea because you got a behind the scenes look. Am I right? It will make you better overall."
My jaw dropped. Way to kill the moment. "Kova, I realize now that your intentions were not bad when you took me out of the meet, but it was your delivery that was ultimately harsh and embarrassing. It was wrong and so cruel. You could have gone about it in a different way."
"I am not the asshole you think me to be."
"It was an asshole move, Kova. Therefore, you're an asshole."
He smiled and chuckled, and it pierced my heart. He sat back and strummed his fingers on the table. "You know, I would not let anyone else talk to me like that."
I blushed, trying not to smile. "But you let me."
He shook his head. "And I have no idea why," he said with a deep sigh. Standing up, he took two steps and stood in front of me. Glancing down, he motioned for me to get up. Confused, I did as he requested.
Kova immediately took my seat, then wrapped a strong arm around my waist and pulled me onto his lap.
My heart rushed into my throat as he held me so warm and securely to him.
Turning to face him, I grabbed the bill of his hat and flipped it around so his cap was now backwards.
His grin hit my core and I squirmed in his lap.
Grabbing my cell phone, he opened the camera app and angled the lens toward us. I watched his thumb press down repeatedly.
"What are you doing," I whispered.
He snapped more.
"I realized earlier when you took a photo that we do not have a picture together."
My heart gave a little patter. "We shouldn't."
He eyed me. "There have been a lot of things we shouldn't have done, Ria."
My face lit up and I started to laugh. "Hey! You used a contraction."
"I know…it felt weird on my tongue." He grinned.
I adjusted in his lap and he helped me get situated.
It was cozy and I didn’t want to move. We had a way about each other that was so utterly confusing.
In this moment it wasn't black and white, right or wrong.
There were no colors, no ages, no blurred lines.
I wasn't that girl, and he wasn't that guy. We were just two people who shared the same ambitions and a connection that couldn’t be explained, only felt.
"There is one more thing I want to talk to you about."
The playfulness dropped from my face. "What is it?"
Kova placed my phone facedown the way he always placed his, then gently rubbed my thigh in soothing circles. He was staring tenderly into my eyes for a beat longer than usual and it left me apprehensive.
"Today at the meet when you saw the coach yelling? Please promise me you will never intervene if you see it happen again, not with just him, but anyone. I can see why you would want to, but it is not your place."
I looked down. He was completely right. "I know. I'm sorry."
Kova placed his knuckles under my chin and lifted it until we were eye to eye again. This time we were much closer together.
"The way he was talking to the girl, there was no doubt in my mind he would have stepped up to you and given you the same kind of treatment.
Adrianna, I already cannot stand him, but I would have fucking lost it on the piece of shit if he said anything even remotely negative to you.
I know I am an asshole, and I can be overbearing and bossy, among other things, but one thing you must not have realized about me is that I am fiercely protective over the ones I care about.
All he had to do is say one wrong thing to you and I would have ended up in handcuffs.
I am serious, Adrianna. I do not play games like that.
Hurt what is mine and there will be consequences. "
A reserved smile pulled at my mouth. Kova followed it with his gaze and pulled me closer to him. "You know you just unveiled another piece of yourself, right?" His forehead bunched together. "You care about me."
I didn't think it was possible for him to ever look bashful, but Kova self-consciously shifted in his seat. I caught him. He knew it and he tried to brush it off.
"Of course I care about you." He bristled.
"You said mine, though. You said, 'hurt what is mine.' I think you care about me way more than you let on. Am I yours, Kova?"
His Adam's apple bobbed, and his face contorted into a mixture of revelation and perplexity. I waited with baited breath. This was the first time Kova didn't know how to answer a question.
I watched as he ran his tongue over his lips. Clearing his throat, his voice cracked as he said, "Some things are better left unsaid."
I nodded solemnly.
Leaning in, Kova dropped a hasty kiss to my cheek. "Send me your favorite photo." He double tapped my leg, then he was up and walking toward the door.
"Kova?"
He looked over his shoulder. "I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to show you that I want it, that you're not wasting your time with me. I'm going to show you that I'm worth it."
His eyes glossed over and he nodded with his chin toward my phone. "I already know you are worth it."
Then he was gone.