Chapter 39 #2
Words might have been lost on me, but Kova's thoughtfulness to ease my worries and spot me spread throughout my chest. Coaches were allowed to spot during the actual meets without receiving any kind of deduction.
The spot was more for peace of mind. I'd never needed one in the past, but this was a whole new page in my storybook for me.
"I just want you to stand there."
Kova walked over and stood near the high bar. He got in position and waited for me. I was confident I could make the changes successfully but having him there quieted my fears. A comforting safety measure.
After I adjusted my routine, I also made the necessary changes to my optional routine. Kova was there the entire time. He didn't push me or ridicule me, he just let me do my thing. It was like a second chance to get used to the feel of bars.
My teammates and I moved onto vault. Just like with bars, I had two vaults I had to do—a front handspring double front tuck, and an Amanar.
The only difference with vault was that I had two turns for each vault during competition as opposed to one.
Both were extremely difficult, and both required minor changes that didn't frighten me in the way bars did.
"What the hell was that?" Kova questioned, striding up next to me.
His eyes were huge and his hands were out waiting for an explanation.
I reeled back, nervous with anxiety. I hadn't pulled the Amanar like I should have, which was why he wasn't happy.
I freaked out in the middle of the twist and did a Yurchenko double instead.
It wasn't uncommon for a gymnast to make the change midflight with this vault, but it would earn me a deduction in difficulty.
The extra half-twist was hard as fuck to crank out.
"We need more flight."
I loved when Kova said we, because we were a team and that was important to me. He described with his body how I should be tucking and locking by making sporadic movements.
"Take one foot back in your start. Otherwise your block will suck again and you will not get the flight you need."
I glared at him when we got to the end of the runway. As if I didn't feel my shitty block.
"Okay," was all I said.
Taking a deep breath, I exhaled and stomped my feet in chalk. I got into position a foot back and visualized what I was about to do. The changes felt great and I knew both vaults would be just like they were back at World Cup. Vault was my specialty. I excelled at it.
Floor was exactly what I had expected—super bouncy.
I warmed up with a few passes to get a feel.
Luckily, I hadn't gone out of bounds, but the height I reached made my heart plummet to the ground.
I already flew pretty high as it was, so I reduced the steps in my tumbling passes to bring it down just a notch. I didn't need too much momentum.
Beam was same as any other day, but now it came with a slight wobble since it wasn't secured to the floor.
I jumped, flipped, leaped, and it all came with a shake of the beam.
I had to be extremely tight otherwise I'd be having balance checks every other second.
In the press to handstand mount that went straight into my first combination sequence of a double back handspring into a full twist, I fell off the beam.
My jittery nerves got the best of me and I shook more than I anticipated.
Kova grunted under his breath loud enough to let me know how displeased he was with me, but I jumped back up, took a deep breath, and exhaled.
Glancing ahead, I found my spot and began my routine, chanting to myself, I got this.
And I did. I fucking had this.
I concentrated on sticking every skill. I went deep and dark with my thoughts, into a different dimension, and only saw one word at the end of the tunnel.
Success. The quickest way to overcome fear was hit it directly head on.
I had to breach my comfort zone if I wanted to make any kind of advancement in this sport.
I was my only limit—I decided my path. I was committed to this journey and I would succeed. I. Would. Make. It. Happen.
Once I landed my dismount without so much as a small step—I stuck it—I looked for my coach who was already making his way toward me.
As we walked side by side back to the resting area where my duffle bag was, Kova placed his hand on my lower back.
"I do not know what you did up there, but you caught me by complete surprise. Excellent work, Adrianna. You let go of your fear and allowed yourself to shine. You trusted yourself. I thought you may need a bit more work with this beam, but you shocked me and proved me wrong."
I sat on the floor and pulled up my knees in a butterfly position.
"Gymnastics is so tricky," I said, unwrapping the ace bandages from my ankle.
It alleviated some tenderness with my Achilles but not as well as the sports tape.
"It's risky and messes with your head more than any other sport out there," I said as if it just dawned on me.
"As much as I like to think I can control everything, I know I can't. So, if I stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong and think about all the things that could go right, and I try my absolute best, it should work in my favor.
Should being the keyword." I chuckled to myself as I crumpled the bandage and dropped it in my bag.
"Otherwise I'm always going to find errors. "
Kova listened while I rambled on. His attention never left mine, as if every word I said mattered. It was the best feeling to see him already staring at me. I felt high on life, ready to tackle my next obstacle with Kova by my side.
"I'm not sure what came over me, but I was driven by power and determination. Maybe it was because I have you behind me, I'm not sure, but I do know that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain, so I just kind of let go and believed in myself."
I smiled brightly at him. The way Kova looked at me made my heart flutter. I couldn't stop it from happening. I felt great. Confident. Like I could take on the world. He was happy and proud, and I loved that I exceeded his expectations.
"Adrianna, I wish I could finish this conversation with you, but I have to go. Just know, that what you did up there is because you stopped doubting yourself. You proved it just like I knew you would. I cannot wait to see you perform tomorrow."
He turned away before I could say anything. I knew he wasn't leaving to purposely avoid me, my teammates needed his attention as well.
I tried not to smile from ear to ear. I tried not to stare at him with admiration.
But I did and I didn't give a shit who saw.
He was proud, and that filled my chest with so many emotions I couldn't put into words.
Appraisal was not something I needed all the time, but in flashes of self-doubt, it changed everything.
He gave me the courage I needed to move forward. He was my life boat.
Make it count.
It's what he'd said since the moment I started with World Cup. And I would. For myself. For my coaches.
Kova moved to stand near the uneven bars again, this time to help Holly. I watched as he instructed her, giving her the same reassurance he instilled in me. He believed in us. Despite his flaws—and he had plenty—he cared about his gymnasts and the sport. He wanted us to succeed.
But what stole my attention wasn't Holly's impressive routine. It was the burning glare coming from my right, searing a hole into my head. It was impossible not to feel the intensity of those spiteful eyes.
Reagan.
My smile faltered as she stared at me with a scowl so profound it caused a shiver to run down my spine. She lifted one brow and angled her head to the side, then shifted her gaze over to our coach.
She'd seen everything she needed to. And I’d let her.