Chapter 43
Forty-Three
W hen something is too good to be true, it usually is.
It was much later in the evening when I began to test for Optionals. Three events down, I had one to go. I couldn’t stop checking the scoreboard this time around for some reason, the nagging feeling in my gut persisted with each passing minute.
Damn nerves. My hands trembled, and I had a raging headache, all caused by myself. My anxiety was through the roof.
My scores had been good, they were where I needed them to be, just not incredible like I had hoped for. I strived to be better, the best, but I was too close to teetering the line between qualifying and not qualifying. A balance check away from everything slipping.
I realized my best wasn't good enough for me. And the fear of that, never being enough, was as strong as ever. It took control of my emotions and I began replaying the events I already completed, wondering if I had given my all like I thought I did.
I released a deep sigh of criticism. "I could've done more."
"Could you have? Truly have done more?"
I stared at the floor, my next and last event, contemplating his words. "I think so. Everyone could always do more."
"You are not giving yourself credit. Your routines are much harder this time around, which means more deductions," Kova said when he saw the worried look on my face. "It is not easy."
All I could do was glare at him with flat lips.
His voice grew stern. "You are letting fear mock you, Adrianna. Do not let it win." He paused. "Where is this coming from, anyway?"
I said nothing. I wasn't sure where my feelings were coming from.
Kova shook his head. "If you still feel that way when this is all over, then when you walk into practice Monday morning you make up for it.
Give me all you got, and I will take it and more.
I promise you, I will take you for everything you are worth, but do not let your emotions soar so high that you lose it all in a ninety second routine.
That fear will make you fail. Do not fail. "
I gave him a long blink.
"I believe in you," he whispered low, only for my ears.
The corner of his eyes crinkled, and the candidness shook me. He meant it. Hand to his chest, he said again, "I believe in you." His cheeks turned a slight scarlet and his mouth twitched.
His declaration, the faith padding each word, his undying devotion to me and the sport. It was all there. It gave me chills to have someone in my corner rallying behind me the way he was.
I wasn't sure what happened, but something deep inside me shifted.
The fear that had consumed my attention like a foggy, misty cloud that threatened to smother me lifted into thin air and dissolved.
It scurried at the sound of conviction, the confidence too strong to be held down.
I swallowed back my emotions and nodded, nodding at what, I wasn't sure, but agreeing with whatever he was putting off.
I relied on him more than I knew.
"Shake it out," he said gently. Kova clutched my shoulders and massaged them, coaxing me to loosen up. I released an extremely long, tension filled breath.
"Good. Now get out there and show me what you got. I did not spend all that time molding you into the perfect gymnast for nothing."
I gave him a droll stare. "Way to ruin the moment, Kova."
He chuckled lightly and I smiled.
I showed him everything. And I made sure to give my all, more than I felt I did with my last three routines, so I couldn't have any regrets.
My calf throbbed painfully to the point that I feared I tore something, but I shook it off and ignored it.
I pushed and pushed, and when the big screen flashed with my final score, the combined score of both sets of routines I needed to test as elite, a tiny gasp fell from my parted lips.
Frozen. Dazed. Stunned.
I was rendered speechless as I stared at the numbers, quickly doing the math in my head to make sure they were correct.
Cheerful laughter erupted around me, but I couldn't hear any of it.
Madeline pulled me into a tight hug, rubbing my back.
She was speaking to me, but I still couldn't hear her words despite how close she was, I could only see her lips move.
A friendly smile tugged at my mouth from the contagiousness of her excitement.
She turned at the call of her name and walked away.
Frantic but silent, I stood there until I was lifted into someone else's arms.
Kova.
"See what happens when you let go of fear?"
I didn't say anything. I just inhaled his scent that reminded me of cinnamon and warmth, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I dropped my head into the curve of his neck and smiled against him.
"You win, malysh . You win. " His lips brushed against my neck and I panicked slightly since we were in public. "You persevered with a purpose and you let your passion shine. This is only the beginning of small victories that will lead to big dreams. Triumph above all."
Kova lowered me to the floor. I stood before him, gazing into his eyes, studying his face. Appreciating all he did for me. My heart softened around his words. My hands came up and covered my mouth as it started to sink in. Tears burned my frantic eyes. I qualified elite!
"We did it." My voice cracked. Chills broke out on my skin and I bent my head down. I almost cried.
"No. You did it. You."
"But I couldn't have done it without you."
If he hadn't given me the courage I needed so desperately right before I went out on floor, I had a feeling we wouldn't be having the same conversation right now.
It was in that moment that I realized how much I relied—and trusted—in him.
He shrugged into me with his arms. "Semantics."
He pointed to the scoreboard above my head and smiled. Kova was ecstatic, and it tickled me.
"Want to take a picture of it?" he asked jokingly. I still couldn't believe it.
A year of challenging practices, days filled with frustration and tears, sweat and blood, and I’d finally done it.
I'd been so close to stepping out of bounds. I almost lost it all because I had a moment of uncertainty and doubted myself.
But Kova brought me back. He centered me and helped make my dream a reality, because he believed in me.
I owed him so much.