23. Nick
23
NICK
“ H ey, Nick.” The foreman turned to me.
It was the last week of January and things were starting to change in new ways. On one side of the coin, I couldn’t imagine life without The Bridge and being under the manipulative thumb of my ex-wife.
On the flip side, I knew I was standing at the precipice of a new life, one where I got to choose what happened and wasn’t weighed down by the things I wanted to do but didn’t because someone else was dictating them for me.
I looked at his hands.
In one, he held a hard hat. In the other, he had a sledgehammer.
“Want to take the first swing?” he asked, nodding to the safety goggles.
My mind churned with a ton of thoughts as I surveyed The Bridge. In just a few short weeks, it would look and feel completely different. I took the hard hat and the weight of the sledgehammer didn’t surprise me, but it did give me a sense of satisfaction.
I was getting rid of the old and bringing in the new.
An onslaught of emotions battled in my chest. I wasn’t sure what to feel or how long I’d be feeling the mixture of relief, happiness, sadness, and confusion about so many of the choices I was starting to make.
While I wouldn’t be doing this without Julia, I didn’t realize how great of an impact the change was going to have on me.
I gave the foreman a tight nod. “Where should I start?” I asked.
“Not on the outside walls. We don’t want to damage the brick,” he said, turning and pointing to the back wall with the bar and then to his right for the wall separating the dining room and entryway. “We’re keeping the bar shelves, so I’d steer clear of that, but the rest of the wall is going,” he said.
I swallowed the thick emotions that swelled in my throat, and I suddenly wished the construction crew weren’t here for the occasion. It felt like something I should do on my own because I didn’t want to end up sobbing like a baby for too many different reasons I couldn’t pin down yet.
But instead of asking them to leave, I walked over to the back wall where the kitchen entrance met the dining room and stood over the threshold of both. I swung my arms back and flung the sledgehammer forward. Three things happened at once.
The head crashed into the wall, cracking it and taking a good chunk of it with the impact. Plaster and drywall flew through the kitchen, hitting the back wall, now clear of appliances for the demo. Tears of relief pricked the corner of my eyes as I busted into my new life.
I really wanted to share the news with Julia.
I shook the thought out of my head.
She had that other guy.
The clap on my back anchored me into the present, and I turned.
“How’d that feel?” he asked, holding out his hand for the sledgehammer back.
“Better than I thought it would.” I laughed and handed it back to him. The loss of the weight in my hand brought me a new sense of ease.
I never thought a renovation would bring so much emotion with it. I didn’t realize it would be so metaphorical, either.
“I’ll be in my office. I have some work to get done, but I’ll be clearing that out soon too,” I told the foreman. He nodded and saluted me. I walked away, taking my hard hat off and placing it down next to the other tools.
I looked around the dining room, taking in the splinters of my past and knowing it would be cleaned up for my future. Satisfaction took over and settled in my stomach. This was going to be a good change.
The sound of the demolition starting, sawing, and more sledgehammering followed me down the hall and I closed the door.
My phone vibrated. I pulled it from my pants pocket and smiled when I saw it was Julia’s number. “Dammit,” I said. I shouldn’t be happy to just talk with her. I should be able to cut off my emotions and just keep it business-related.
“Hello,” I answered.
“Hey, Nick,” Julia said, her voice warm, and my neck hairs stood at attention hearing it. It wouldn’t be too much longer and I’d be able to move on.
“How’s the demo going?” she asked.
“Good, actually.” I rubbed the back of my neck, pressing the hairs down and spinning to sit in my chair. “I just got to take the first swing at it, and now the pros are doing it.” I sighed. I wasn’t sure if the release of the breath had to do with the demo or it had to do with the relief at hearing her voice, but I wasn’t going to examine the weight lifted off my chest right now.
Probably ever.
“That’s great to hear. So, I wanted to go over the next steps and what to expect,” she said.
“Sounds great,” I said. “Are you, uh, still planning on coming to the grand re-opening?” I asked. I could kick myself for sounding so much like an ass.
“Yes, of course,” she responded, sounding more normal than I felt. I guess it really just was fun for her. I had to get better at dating. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she finished. And for one moment, I thought I heard something more in her voice—or maybe I wanted it to be more.
“While we’re in the demolition and building stage, I’ve been laying down a good social media campaign, and it’s getting good results. I’d like to come by and take a few pictures to share with the followers, and it’ll get their interest, plus they’ll feel connected to it. It’s an amazing way to get them interested and excited to see the final product. It’s also a great way to get them amped up for the reopening.”
I looked around my office and knew that pretty soon, it would look and feel different. “That, uh, sounds great. Thanks so much for your hard work. Let me know before you come over. I’ll have to let the foreman and crew know.”
She paused. Or the call dropped. Either way, I was met with silence and anxiety twisted in my chest. “Well, alright,” I said. “I’ll see you around, I guess.”
I hung up before she had a chance to respond.
I dropped my phone down on the desk and stood, grunting with the overwhelming information that things I always wanted to change were changing. And that I had a say in it. Hell, I was doing exactly what I wanted to do for the first time in years.
But also, I’d developed feelings for someone I shouldn’t have developed feelings for. Not only was she doing business with me, but she made it clear that she wasn’t interested in anything else, “Bah,” I grumbled, trying to sort through my feelings and thoughts.
It was time that I focused on something good in my life.
I was moving forward.
I pulled open my filing cabinet and took out the tumbler and snifter of bourbon. I slammed the memory of having sex with Julia after we drank from these very glasses away and I placed one on the top of my filing cabinet. I poured the dark liquid into the glass and topped it off a little higher than I might if I were just drinking to drink.
Today, I was drinking to celebrate, and I was going to soak in the moment.
Then, I’d get to packing up the rest of my things so the movers and the painters could come in when they were ready to.
I took a long swig of bourbon, letting the smoky spice fill my nostrils and mouth, holding it for a few beats, then swallowed it. The warm burn of alcohol spread throughout my chest, and I leaned into the moment.
Things were going to turn around for me.
I sat back down and poured myself another drink and let the idea of a new life overtake me.