25. Nick
25
NICK
I turned my back as she walked out the door. I didn’t want to watch her walk away. I rubbed my hand over my eyes and wiped it down my cheek. It was fucking poetic. I scoffed at the pun.
I didn’t know how I hadn’t seen it before, but now that the ache in my chest was there, I knew I loved her. “Fucking fool,” I told myself. I couldn’t let myself get down. There was still too much to do, and once the demo and reno and grand re-opening were over, I’d be able to get over it, get over her, easier.
I wasn’t going to go down that road again.
Even if it hurt.
Even if I wanted to.
I didn’t know why I was a glutton for punishment, but I needed to break that cycle now.
Not that she was like Kendra, but I wasn't going to have someone who didn't know what she wanted or who had someone else bringing her flowers.
It was better if we both found people our own ages anyway, even though I still thought I’d be able to have a family. I wasn't going to be looking for anyone else that young again. There was too much difference in life experience.
But what about the shared life experience you both have? Damn stupid voice. I swatted it away, cleaned myself up, and headed back into the dining area. When I looked around, the foreman pointed to the hardhats and I went to grab one.
“What do you know about Julia, your PR rep?” the foreman asked me. I flinched when I heard her name.
I checked him over, trying to figure out why he was asking. I couldn’t read anything in his eyes to gauge his interest. “Why?” I asked. The ache in my chest grew. I didn’t think I’d be able to talk about Julia with some other guy about dating her. Even though I was a sad sack of shit, I wasn’t that much of a sap to push another guy on her.
“She asked for permission to come into the construction area. She wanted to do pictures and a live video. I told her she had to sign a waiver and wear different shoes.” He huffed and smiled, like he was letting me in on a joke. I stared, waiting for him to move on. He cleared his throat when I didn’t give him anything and had the decency to look embarrassed.
“Are you okay with that?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. Although I had no idea if I really was. I didn’t need the reminder that she wanted to be with someone else, even if she just had sex with me. I patted the foreman on the back and needed to go clear my head. “I’m leaving. Let John know when you’re done. He’ll close everything up,” I said.
I left the mess of a dining room and walked into the mess of my life.
I dropped into my car seat outside and thought for a minute. I wasn’t even sure where I wanted to go. I just knew I couldn’t stay in the office where I’d just had sex with the woman I loved and then sent her off to be with someone else.
I thought back to what David said months ago before I won The Bridge and before I started demolition, and pretty much every time in between that.
Maybe I should've just given Kendra the restaurant.
I could leave and start over fresh somewhere new.
I didn’t have the means to open a restaurant on my own, but I did know people. Hell, even the critic said people were talking about me in certain circles—saying good things about my food, not bad.
I went to start my car and looked down at my phone.
I had a voicemail.
It was from Julia.
Hope sprang into my chest thinking she’d gotten in touch with me to tell me something I wanted to hear. Not something related to business. Even though I just told her we should keep it business-related.
I didn’t listen to it right away.
Instead, I started my car and drove out to the lake.
I used to go there when I was a kid.
I’d ride my bike and just hang out by the water dreaming of bigger and better things for my life. It always helped me feel better.
The phone rang while I was almost there. I hit the button without thinking then realized I should have looked. I didn’t want to be thrown off by Julia calling me.
“Hey, dumbass.” David’s voice rode through the car.
I released a sigh of relief and relaxed a little. “What do you want?” I grumbled around a smile. Even if I was in a shitty mood, David would say something stupid to knock me out of it. Probably.
“Where are you? Chad said you left,” he said.
“Who the hell is Chad?”
“The foreman,” he said.
“That’s his name?”
“What difference does that make?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t even think to ask him,” I said, now feeling like a dick. “My head's been up my ass for too long,” I said and turned the wheel into the lake’s parking lot.
“Since you were born, probably,” David said.
This time, I didn’t laugh. “I should have sold the restaurant,” I said.
“What?” he asked, letting his shock come through.
“When you told me to. I should have listened instead of being a stubborn ass,” I said.
“What happened?”
“Why do you suddenly sound like my mother?”
“You’re thinking something stupid, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.
“Yes you do. You only admit I’m right when you’re about to do something stupid,” he said.
“No, I just think that… the restaurant's taken too much out of me. I’m not built for it anymore. I need a whole new, fresh everything,” I said and leaned back, placing my head on the headrest and letting my eyes focus on the sunset.
David started laughing.
“You’re a dick,” I said. “I finally tell you you’re right about something and you even fuck that up,” I growled. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with his shit. “I’ll talk to you later,” I said, hanging up and not giving him a chance to explain himself. I didn’t need to. I just wanted to figure things out.
I moved and walked through the graveled parking lot and found a picnic bench that didn’t have snow covering the top. I walked toward it and stuffed my hands in my pockets. Even though it wasn’t that cold, being on the lake with the breeze blowing made it feel colder.
As soon as my fingers touched Julia’s cotton underwear, I was pulled back into the memory of seeing the sadness in her eyes when I told her to go. Was it the look of someone who wanted another guy?
Or was I looking into it too deeply? Did I want the look to be pain that I was breaking it off for good? Did I want it to mean something to her too so I made up the look on her face in my mind?
I sat on the picnic table's top and looked out at the water, taking in the crisp air and the beauty of the January scenery.
There was no way I could know for sure. I didn’t remember what I thought when I first thought Kendra was cheating on me. I remember thinking I was batshit crazy long before I would let myself indulge in the possibility that Kendra was cheating on me.
I’d thought I was pretty much unbreakable a few years ago, and life did hand me a nice wake-up call. I was an asshole then. It was probably why I was attracted to Kendra in the first place. Two assholes building an asshole life together.
I huffed and pulled my hand out of my pocket, folding my fingers over each other. I guessed if I was going to start over, I could at least entertain the idea of what a new life would look like.
Without the restaurant.
Without Kendra.
Without Julia.
Just myself.
I didn’t have an answer right away, but I felt like I was finally on the right track. I stood and left the picnic table behind me.
When I got back in the car, I was finally ready to listen to Julia’s message.
I snapped my eyes closed as I heard her say, “Hey, Nick. I didn’t get a chance to remind you about the soft launch on February twelfth. The critic is supposed to show up at six, so I’ve gone ahead and reserved a table for two just in case he wanted to bring a plus-one.
“Then, the final inspection is for February eleventh. I’ve spoken with Chad and made sure that everything is going to plan for the re-opening on Valentine's Day. I’ll be in touch before that, but I’ll see you on the twelfth for sure. I want to make sure Jack is taken care of in every way imaginable.”
I hung up the phone, confused by the message.
Why didn’t she know that he’d already come?
What happened there?
Didn’t Jack say she’d emailed him?
My eyes snapped closed.
This had Kendra written all over it.
But how did Kendra get Julia’s information?
Maybe I didn’t want to know.