32. So Much for My Happy Ending…Again
32
So Much for My Happy Ending…Again
Anton
I blink. Rose is biting her lip, waiting for me to say something, but my mind and mouth are refusing to work together. Maybe it’s ridiculous, but the first words out of my lips are, “No, you’re not.”
“I am, actually.” She winces. “I was hired by the palace in Penwick to keep you safe. There’s been a threat made against you.”
I hold up my hands because that gets my attention. “Wait. What? ”
“I know. This is a lot. But I need you to hear the truth from me. You’ve got nothing to worry about. We’re doing everything we can to keep you safe, and we will keep you safe. You have my word.”
I shake my head. “That’s not what I’m focusing on here.”
Rose sits up straighter and cocks her head to one side, like she can’t figure out what I mean.
“You said you were hired by Penwick,” I say slowly.
She nods.
I try my best to keep my voice even, but inside, my blood feels like it’s rushing through my veins like whitewater rapids. “Nobody cared to inform me about this?”
“It was written into my contract that I’m not allowed to disclose any details about this arrangement to you. You’ve always rejected security in the past.”
I press my hands against the table and jut my chin at her. “You’re darn right I did, for good reason. ”
“I know you don’t like to feel confined, and you want to live a normal life. This was Penwick’s solution. They put me undercover with you in an effort to allow you to live life normally while also having an extra layer of protection in place.”
“So, this was, what, some sort of service to me? Done for my benefit.” I let out a mirthless laugh. “Please. Let’s not pretend either of us believes that. I was lied to, by the palace and by”—my voice cracks—“you.”
Rose’s face falls. “I wanted to tell you. I tried to get them to let me, but they refused. I’m going against every protocol put in place by my agency by coming clean with you tonight. I’m probably going to lose my job.”
Maybe I should care more about that, but right now, all I can see is red. “How could you do this to me?”
“I—”
“I trusted you, and you took advantage of that…and of me.” My mind is reeling.
“No!” Rose shakes her head. There’s a frantic look in her eyes. “You have to understand. I wanted to tell you the truth about everything, but since I couldn’t, the only thing I could do was try to keep you safe. I didn’t want anything to happen to you, so I kept my mouth shut and did my job.”
“But you didn’t care about me enough to be honest.”
Rose’s shoulders slump. “I do care about you.”
“Really? Because from where I’m sitting, it doesn’t feel like it. You’ve basically been spying on me.”
“No! Well, yes. But it’s for your own good. Your safety.”
“I don’t feel safe. I feel completely violated.”
Rose straightens her spine. “You have to believe me. Don’t you see? It’s different this time. I’m telling you the truth now. I—”
I hold up my hand, and she falls silent. “This time?” I whisper. My stomach is in knots. “You mean I was a job to you all those years ago too? ”
Rose’s expression contorts into one of anguish. Her eyes are frantically searching my gaze. “Hear me out.”
“No. Tell me the truth—if you’re even capable of that. Were you hired back in Mobile too?”
She drops her gaze, and I have my answer.
“So, when I ran into you in the bar, that wasn’t serendipitous? It wasn’t providence. When you told me you didn’t know who I was and sat there shucking peanuts with me, you knew the whole time I was Anton Bates, Prince of Penwick, because you were assigned to protect me?”
“Yes.” Rose’s voice is so low I almost don’t hear her.
“You lied to me.” I push back off the table. I need more space from her, but now that we’ve come this far, I have to know. “So tonight? You’re here spying on me? How did you even know I’d be here?”
“I was here to watch Duke.” Her voice sounds small.
“Why?”
“Because we’re afraid he may be behind the threats against you.”
I let out a strangled laugh at that. “That’s absolutely ridiculous.”
“Maybe.” Rose tips her head to the side, like she knows best. “Maybe not.”
I snap. I’m so angry at her that I can barely breathe. “Don’t patronize me, Rose. Not after everything you’ve done.”
She shakes her head quickly, holding up her hands. “I’m not trying to. I’m so sorry. About all of it.” Her eyes are watery. “I did what I thought was best.” She reaches out and places her fingers over my hand. She grabs my wrist and holds me in place, forcing me to look at her. “They made me break things off when the job was done back then, and they sent me overseas. I hated myself for how I ended things with you. I refuse to let that happen again, which is why I’m telling you all this now. I need you to know my feelings are real. They were back then, and they are now. ”
I shake my head and peel her fingers off my arm. “How am I supposed to believe anything you say?”
“Because. It’s me, Anton. You have to believe me. You mean so much to me.” She sounds desperate.
“And I’m supposed to trust you? I let you in—twice—and all you did was act out a role and keep secrets from me. Who even is the real you? How am I supposed to know?”
“Don’t you see?” She’s crying now. “I’ve felt so lost because of this job and the way it forces me to fit into the next role and be a chameleon. The real me all but disappeared. But then I started spending time with you, and you helped me realize who I want to be. Who I can be. I’m the most myself around you.”
I stare at her, and I can tell she means it. I can tell she’s contrite and that she probably didn’t want to hurt me. But none of that matters, does it? What matters is how she acted. How she withheld information. How she was deceitful.
“You chose the palace over me—on more than one occasion. You knew about my complicated relationship with my mother. You knew more than anyone. You still acted the way you did. I can’t overlook that. You know how much I value honesty. How rarely I trust.” My voice sounds hard, and I don’t try to soften it. “You’re another in a long line of people who were play acting around me.”
“You can’t believe that.”
“You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t believe. You lost that right the second you lied to me. Since our entire relationship, then and now, has been built on a lie, you never had a right in the first place.” I push back from the table. “I need to get out of here.”
“Anton. Wait. Please.” Rose follows me out into the parking lot, but I don’t break my stride. She jogs impressively fast in heels, I’ll give her that.
She gets in front of me and holds up her hands. “Stop. Stop! We’re not finished here.”
“That’s the thing, Rose. I am finished. You’re fired. ”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “You can’t fire me.”
She’s right. Because I didn’t hire her. Which is the entire issue here. But as I stare at her, a face I love—a woman I love—I feel my heart crack open, because I know what I need to say next.
“Maybe not, but I can tell you that our relationship…our friendship…our…whatever it is we were doing…it’s over for me. I don’t want to see you again. Please, if you have any real feelings for me at all, leave me alone.”
I side-step her and get into my truck. I start the ignition and pull away. I look in the rearview mirror once before leaving the parking lot. Rose is standing in her dress, shoulders slumped, looking completely defeated.
My heart tugs. It wants to go back to her. To wrap her in my arms and warm her up. But my heart doesn’t know what’s good for it. My head is screaming at me to put my foot on the gas and leave her and her deceit behind.
That’s what I do.