Chapter 45 An Experiment with Old Dogs and New Tricks
“Jackie. It’s Maya, can you hear me?”
“Is that you, Maya? You sound far away, my dear.”
“Aw, Jackie. I am far away.”
“How’ve you been keeping? Did you get my email of the photo? I couldn’t figure out where to put the paper-clip thingy.”
“Yeah. I absolutely got your photo. I can’t believe .
. . It was . . .” I got a little choked up.
Tadhg’s smile flashed through my mind, the smile that I’d looked at a million times since it arrived.
The thought gave me that hollow ache again, a thumb on a bruise.
And something about the sound of Jackie’s voice over the phone, that warm familiar voice, made me feel happy and sad at the same time. Who even was I anymore?
“Are you there?”
“I’m . . . I’m here, Jackie.” I sniffed.
“It sounds like you might need a cup of tea, love.”
“I wish I could just drop by for a cup.”
“Why don’t you go ahead and tell me what all this is about.”
“I . . .” I took a breath and let it out slowly to steady my voice. “I think I might have a broken heart.”
“Oh no, Maya. I’m so sorry, love. That’s just awful to hear.”
Thing was, maybe I’m not the best of judges, but Jackie didn’t really sound very sorry.
“It’s Tadhg, obviously. But I think you already know that.”
“My Tadhg?”
“Oh, come on, Jackie.”
“All right. I may have suspected something was in the air.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And are you telling me . . . that you fell in love?”
“I don’t know. Yeah. I think. Maybe? I’ve definitely never felt like this before. It’s excruciating.”
“That does sound familiar.”
“Jackie, I was horrible to him. I was mean. I yelled. And even after all that, he basically risked his life for me. I tried to get in touch. At least to apologize, to thank him. I’ve tried to call, but it won’t go through, and he didn’t respond to my messages.
Do you think? Is it too late to try again?
Or at least to just explain myself so that he doesn’t hate me? ”
“Well, Tadhg doesn’t talk to me about much, especially not matters of the heart, as I think you know. But I don’t think I can believe he hates you, Maya. I don’t think he hates you one bit, if I’m honest. He hasn’t been himself since you left.”
“Well, then, where is he? Why won’t he respond?”
“He said he had gone unplugged or some such nonsense. I thought that meant the music was acoustic, but apparently, it meant he threw his phone away. He could be a bit of a moody hermit before, but I’ve never seen him as bad as all this.
And I think, if I had to guess, Maya, maybe he’s brokenhearted too. ”
My heart started clawing its way up my throat. “Jackie. I’ve had this wild idea.”
“Those are my magic words.”
“So. This is kinda crazy, but what if I invited him to New Zealand? For a do-over.” I needed to convince him. Jackie was the love specialist, a real-life Cupid. If he thought this was a good idea, maybe it could actually work.
“Hmm . . . New Zealand does seem like a long way away . . .”
“I know. That’s what makes it so perfect! We’ll be somewhere we both want to go. Somewhere completely new to both of us. Neutral ground. No other dates, no ties, no schedule, no one else trying to trap us in a sea cave or inside of a deflating air mattress.”
“Well, he does have a few sheep now, and his ram, of course, but I could look after those while he was away. But how are you planning to talk him into it?”
“That’s where you come in, Jackie! I was inspired by Gear’oid and Maedhbh’s story. Remember the trick you did for them with the widow—”
“Oh, no, my darlin’. I’m sorry, but Tadhg and I are on firmer ground now for the first time in years, and I was soundly scolded for my meddling. I want to help you, love, but there’ll be no more trickery from me. Gave him my word.”
“Well.” My empty little heart dropped a little lower into my shoes. “If I can’t call him. Can I email him? Do you know if he’s checking his emails?”
“Tadhg. I’m not even sure he has an email, love.”
“Poop.”
“You know, you could just come here and knock on his door.”
“I know. That sounds sensible, and I thought about it, but it sort of feels like an ambush, you know? ‘Surprise, I flew to Ireland and now I’m at your house without an invitation!’ Like he doesn’t really get a choice—he has to either sit and listen or kick me off his property.
But if I get him to agree to a trip to New Zealand with me, then he has time to think it through and decide whether or not he wants to dive back into this with me.
You have to really want to give someone a shot if you’re willing to fly to New Zealand to meet them, right?
That way we both know we’re in. We’re trying this crazy experiment together. It’s . . . it’s romantic, isn’t it?”
“Well, yes. It is romantic. Some relationships take time and patience, and some take just closing your eyes and jumping. Since you live across the world, it seems your only choice is the latter. Besides”—he said this with a smirk that I could hear over the phone—“you seemed to do well enough when you were trapped together for long periods of time.”
“Jackie! Don’t sound so smug!”
The man giggled, forcing the words out between the laughter. “Like two cats, the two a’ you, smeared with tuna oil and locked in the bathroom together.”
“Well, now look at the mess you got us into!” I said, and he hooted. “You could at least try to pretend that this is serious.”
I could hear him working at smothering his mirth. “Oh, yes. Very serious. Very serious indeed, Maya.”
“Exactly.” Maybe I should have been annoyed, but I cracked a smile. Hearing Jackie’s laugh did me some good. “Well, what do we do? Do I just write him some lame letter and hope he gets it?”
“Now, a letter can be beautiful. I love to get a letter in the post. But now that I’m thinking on it, you’re just better in person, Maya. With all those beautiful, carefree smiles and those big brown eyes of yours, well, it softens some of the blunt things you have to say.”
“That’s true. I’ve never been good with letters. What if I mailed you a flash drive with a video on it? Do you think you could get him to watch it?”
“Perhaps. I’d have to come right out and tell him that it was you the message was from.”
“I’m okay with that. And if he doesn’t want to hear from me, he doesn’t have to watch it. No trickery necessary.”
“Let’s do it! I’m cheering for you, Maya.”
“I have to be honest, I’d feel more confident if I had some of Jackie Kelly’s patented mischief on my side. But I’ll take what I can get.”
“You know what, my dear? The truth is, I don’t think you’re going to need it this time.”
“Jackie! Don’t make me cry again. Oh! And can you send me your measurements? I started knitting you a sweater.”
I NERVOUSLY TOOK one last look in the mirror, twisted some curls, dabbed on a little lipstick, wiped it off, sat down, and pressed record.
“Tadhg.” I took a deep breath and imagined that it was him sitting across the table from me instead of my laptop.
My voice softened. “Tadhg. I’m not going to apologize.
Not because I don’t owe you an apology, I definitely do, but because what I really want is to do that in person.
So, I’m going to make this short and sweet.
” I straightened my back and put what I hoped was playfulness into my tone.
“I challenge you, Tadhg Kelly, to join me for a love experiment, in New Zealand, all expenses paid. What you’re holding in your hand right now is a flight with your name on it.
Well, I guess it’s more like a printout of an e-ticket, and my toner was low, and I really hope you are actually holding it in your hand, but there’s no way for me to see into the future and know that for sure.
“Anyway! Speaking of time travel, it was our answers at the dating game that kept making me wish I could go back and do the whole trip all over again with you. I would do almost everything differently, except for that time in the rain after the cave, and that time in the kitchen, oh, and that time in the bathtub, and . . . wait . . . is your dad listening? Crap, I hope not. Sorry, Jackie!”
I breathed out and tried not to be a weirdo. “You told me once that you had feelings for me. And I’ve since realized that I definitely have feelings for you too. I’m still trying to figure them out. But I think.” I bit my lip. “That I might actually be in love with you.
“So, if part of you feels the way it did before my emotional meltdown, let’s put it to the test. The challenge is this—meet me in New Zealand for a three-week road trip so that we can find out for sure how we feel about each other.
Here are my proposed rules.” I held up a napkin I’d written on earlier.
“Rule One. Sex. Lots of it. Whenever we want it. Wherever we want it. God, I really hope Jackie isn’t there.
“Rule Two. Lots of kissing, both on the mouth and on the body.
“Rule Three. Excessive, unnecessary handholding is mandatory.
“Rule Four. Lots of turning each other on. All methods are hereby authorized, including but not limited to beard scratching, hair flipping, intentional use of calluses, and drawn-out ass wiggling when squeezing into a vehicle.
“Rule Five. Open conversations from both parties about feelings and plans for the future.
“Rule Six. Stop trying so hard not to fall in love. That one is mostly for me, because I’m an idiot.
“I know that you’re no longer available through phone or email, so I will not expect a response to this video.
But I will be there, in Christchurch, New Zealand, on November twenty-seventh, and I will be waiting when the two-thirteen from Shannon arrives.
And I hope, very much, that you will be on it.
Is it dramatic and over the top? One hundred percent.
But I think maybe falling in love for the first time in your life should be dramatic and over the top.
And besides, it’s a grand gesture, and grand gestures always work in the movies.
Also, to sweeten the deal, I have already purchased the Terror of the Nightrealm audiobook.
Oh! And one last thing. I bought a ticket for Finn too.
Because, against all reason, I miss her.
But also because I like to listen to you call her a good girl.
“Okay. I really hope you watch this. I really hope you don’t think I’m as stupid as I feel right now. I really hope you come.” I breathed out again.
“Okay, over and out. Oh my God, that’s so stupid. Forget I said that.”