Chapter 41
Chapter
Forty-One
Logan
The one sound no kid ever wants to hear is their mother crying.
That’s what pulls me in again, like a riptide. I don’t see her, but I feel her press a kiss on my forehead, just like she used to do when she would tuck me in at night.
She’d also hum me to sleep. I hear it now, the melody floating through this in-between place, low and haunting.
My fingers twitch. I think. Maybe.
I try to call out, to tell her I’m still here, but my mouth won’t work. My body feels like it’s filled with wet cement, like I’ve been buried alive beneath all the words I never said.
I’m sorry. I love you. You’re still my mom, no matter what.
I see her face twisted in agony the day I left her on the front porch.
Then Dad cheering me on at every soccer match. He never missed a single one.
Both of them were always there for church recitals, school dances, graduations.
God, I want to go back. I want to fix everything.
Another voice joins Mom’s, deeper and heavier. Taylor. Then Christian. Then Devon.
I feel their hands. Their grief. Their goodbyes.
No, I scream inside myself. Not yet.
Why hasn’t Dad said anything? Why won’t he speak to me?
Where is my wife?
The sound of the monitor flatlining attempts to pull me even further into the darkness. There’s no bright light, no waiting relatives or lost pets. Only a cold finality wrapping around me, cutting off my oxygen. It’s not peaceful, it’s fucking terrifying and I’m not ready to go.
I swim harder than I’ve ever swam in my life against the current of pain, guilt—fear. I reach for the surface with everything I have, every ounce of strength scraped from the corners of my broken soul.
I’m not finished yet. I still have things to do.
I’m here, I’m here, somebody grab me, please, don’t let me drown—
And then… a sound cuts through the white noise.
Beep.
Beep.
My heart jumps to life again.
I slam back into myself so hard that someone yelps when I tighten my grip on a warm hand. Pain shoots up my legs, prickling like needles, muscles twitching against the foreign feeling.
Air fills my lungs, and I inhale greedily with a gasp, afraid to be pulled back down into that suffocating black hole.
The heart monitor increases, beeping wildly when my lids fly open. Shadows swirl above my head. Slowly, they move closer, coming into focus, and a pair of whiskey-colored eyes gaze down at me in shock.
His hand is the one in mine.
“Holy shit,” Devon whispers, face still bruised. “He’s alive.”
I’m alive. God help me, I’m fucking alive.
“Salem,” I choke out, my bleary gaze searching the room for the one soul mine needs. “Where is she? Where is my wife?”
Taylor steps into view, his expression filled with so much hurt that I physically feel it. “I’m so sorry, Logan… She left. She’s gone. And none of us can find her.”