Chapter Seventeen
Albennie was safe, but even after Franny spoke to Lia, and even though she was exhausted from the allergy attack, Franny still didn’t sleep.
Not because she was afraid. Not because her allergic reaction hadn’t fully gone away. She didn’t sleep because she was obsessing.
About that kiss.
About Royal Campbell.
About what was next if Albennie was safe and sound in one piece and coming home.
It was a relief, but there was such a lack of answers, it was hard to relax and just…believe everything was going to be okay. She had expected Lia to be ecstatic when Franny had called with the news, but she’d been…reserved. Kind of like Royal. Like they were afraid to hope for the best.
It reminded her that Lia had made a joke about hating cops. Maybe it wasn’t a joke. Maybe she had a background like Royal did.
Royal.
Her phone pinged. She felt twin pangs of worry and excitement when she saw it was a text from Royal. She opened the text, then just…stared.
Hypothetically, I didn’t stay because I don’t trust myself around you.
She stared at that text, her heart fluttering in her throat. Didn’t trust himself around her?
She might actually for the first time in her life understand the word swoon. Maybe she shouldn’t find that sweet. And hot. And romantic.
But she did.
Except she didn’t have the first clue how to respond.
She wanted to say something flirty, but she didn’t have any experience being that.
So she lay there in bed, agonizing over how to respond, but it seemed in only a blink she woke up to the sun streaming through her windows, the phone cradled to her chest.
She’d forgotten to shut the blinds yesterday. And clearly the allergy meds had conked her out, because she’d never responded to Royal’s text and it was morning. Late morning at that.
“Way to go, Franny,” she muttered, but she didn’t even have time to consider self-recriminations because she realized someone was knocking on her door.
And when she looked at her phone screen to see what time it was, she saw she had three new texts from Royal.
I’m giving it two more minutes then I’m breaking down the door, came the last one.
She jumped out of bed, hurriedly typing as she moved for the front door. Because she was pretty sure he would do just that, and even though she was tempted to want to see it, she knew she’d feel foolish later.
I’m awake, she texted, then opened the alarm app on her phone and disengaged it. Then she unlocked the front door to Royal standing there, scowling.
He had a to-go cup of coffee in one hand and held it out to her. “Thank you for scaring five years off my life.”
She took the coffee he offered her. “I… I’m sorry. I’m a little out of it. The allergy pill really knocked me out last night.”
“Lucky,” he muttered. He didn’t look at her. He surveyed the room. Continuing to speak before she could parse the lucky. “The sheriff wants us both to come into the station this morning.”
It was so silly to want to just…put her mouth to his and see what he would do. Which was definitely a pre-coffee, post–allergy pill thought. Not a sane one in response to what he’d just said.
“Why?”
“I assume to go over what the FBI have told him about Albennie’s return. And what that means for your surveillance and so on.”
“Oh, right.” Important stuff. Not kissing stuff.
“You might want to get dressed. And brush your hair.”
Her free hand flew up to her hair. She could feel the rat’s nest at the back of her head. Usually she slept like the dead after an allergy pill. Apparently last night she’d slept like the restless dead. And since her hair had still been damp from the shower, it was no doubt a hopeless mess.
His mouth curved, for the first time a spark of something behind the cop facade. “I mean, it’s a real cute look and all, but it looks like you’ve been up to something.”
She could feel her cheeks heat. She wished she was the kind of woman who had the guts to say something like I wish we’d been up to something. But she wasn’t Rosalie.
She was just tongue-tied.
“Go on and get ready, Franny,” he said, very gently, but his mouth was still curved. Amused at her in a way that never felt condescending.
She nodded and went for her room, because this was important police business stuff.
Then she remembered his text last night.
Didn’t trust himself.
She blew out a breath. Well, she was just going to have to concern herself with both. She had to contain multitudes.
She tried to find a suitable outfit for the police station quickly so she wasn’t leaving Royal waiting, but her mind kept wandering because he’d sent that text and he’d…
He liked her. He was interested in her. It wasn’t imagination or wishful thinking. He’d kissed her. She hadn’t forced him to do that. And he didn’t strike her as someone who…would go against his own truth to soothe someone else. He was a soother, but it was like…honest soothing.
She shook her head, pulled on some jeans since the police station was freezing. A T-shirt, a jacket she tied around her waist. Her hair was hopeless, but she tried to detangle it a little bit before using a rubber band to create a messy bun that looked purposeful instead of wild.
Then she grabbed the cup of coffee and guzzled down as much as she could.
A latte. Because he knew what she drank. Because he liked her. Didn’t trust himself around her. And maybe there was a hope that could all mean something, but they had to step over this whole kidnapping business first.
And it was about to be over. It had to be, right? Albennie was coming home. The surveillance would be over. And maybe she and Royal could…go out on a date or something.
Because he liked her, and whether that worked out or not wasn’t important in this moment. What was important in this moment was not talking herself out of what he’d made perfectly clear.
That and going to the police station.
She went back out into the main part of the apartment. Royal stood at her window, looking down over Main Street, but he turned when she came in.
For a moment, neither of them said anything. They just stared at each other. And she hoped he was reliving that kiss at least a little, because that’s where her brain had gone.
“There are things you should know about me, Franny. Things that would change the way you look at me.”
He was so serious. Even more serious than his usual. Her heart tripped over itself, but when she spoke her voice was calm. Even if her heart wasn’t. “Do I look at you a particular way?”
“Yeah, you do. Like you think I’m good or brave. I’m not.”
She wanted to argue with him, but he said it with such conviction. So she had no words, just an ache in her heart. Because he could tell her a million things, but she didn’t think he’d ever be able to convince her he wasn’t good or brave. No matter what he said.
“I’ve been to jail.”
Well, she hadn’t expected that. But it didn’t add up. Not yet. “Then how did you become a police officer?”
“My record was cleared. It was…gang stuff, a frame job. But there were things I did in that gang. I broke the law. I hurt people.”
“Because you liked it or to protect people who weren’t as strong as you?”
He didn’t answer that right away. She hadn’t thought he would. She wasn’t surprised that he didn’t really answer the question at all. Just side-stepped it.
“I belonged there.”
She shook her head. She knew she was in out of her depth here. She could never imagine what it was like to grow up with all that awful around you. It broke her heart that some people had to.
But more, it amazed her the strength of spirit to walk out of it. He didn’t see that, and maybe she couldn’t convince him of it.
But God she had to try. And not just because she wanted some…chance to see where that kiss would go. But because he deserved to see himself as he was.
“If your record was cleared, that makes it sound like you didn’t. And the law itself didn’t think you did. And the entire Bent County Sheriff’s Department certainly doesn’t think you did either.”
“What I did? None of it was heroic.”
She tried to really put herself in his shoes. Understand how he might view it. But she couldn’t get past the fact…too many people loved him, trusted him. He’d been given too many chances not to be the man he seemed like he was. “Wasn’t it?”
ROYAL DIDN’T KNOW why they were having this conversation. She’d just looked at him and he’d seen…too much in her eyes. Hope and care and just what he’d told her—she looked at him and he felt as brave and good as she saw him.
But he wasn’t, and she had to know. With that kiss rattling around in his head acting like some kind of…precursor to a bigger change than he’d counted on, he had to make sure she knew.
Before they took one more step forward. She had to understand. She could not look at him and see him as her hero.
He had failed too many times to be anyone’s hero, and the thought of failing her in this moment, in any moment, it hurt too much to bear. It was bad enough when it was Brooke, but Brooke was his sister, his blood. She was stuck with him, with that belief in what he could be.
Franny didn’t need to be mixed up with or chained to…all the bad he was. Deep inside.
But Franny crossed the space between them. She stopped only when they were practically toe to toe. She met his gaze, her green one serious and kind. Her hand came up to his bicep.
She could be so awkward and unsure of herself, but the way she saw people was so astute. She’d had him pegged before he’d really told her anything about himself.
So maybe you could listen to her.
But it just felt wrong. Bone-deep wrong. To let anyone think he was anything better than what he was.
“The tattoo you have right here,” she said quietly, intently, squeezing his bicep. “When you’re wearing a T-shirt, I can only see the bottom of it. But it looks like the bottom of a heart.”
He didn’t know where she was going with this, or maybe worse, he was afraid he knew exactly where she was going. Because she just seemed to be able to see through him, read him, and it should feel wrong. It was wrong.
But he didn’t move.
“What is it?” she asked.
He didn’t want to tell her, but that would make this line of questioning a bigger deal than it was. “Yeah, it’s a heart.”
“For what?”
“They don’t all have meaning.” These days, some just served as a reminder of who he’d been, what he’d allowed, all he’d failed.
“For what, Royal?” she repeated, very calm but the kind of calm he could recognize wasn’t going to falter or be pushed away. He had to tell her. Somehow…she’d know if he lied.
“The people I couldn’t save.” It came out on a rasp. A secret he’d never told anyone. That heart on his bicep. A reminder that he could make himself stronger and strong and stronger.
But it’d never save those girls in the gang he hadn’t been able to get out.
“Do you have a tattoo for all the ones you did save?” she asked in that same gentle tone. But she knew.
He didn’t know how, but he knew she did.
He couldn’t speak. Even if he’d had any words, his throat was locked shut. This was…too much, too big, and he had to get her to the police station. He had to…
“I’ll never be able to imagine what you’ve been through, Royal.
I would… I would be more than happy to listen if you ever wanted to talk about it.
But nothing you could say is going to change what I’ve seen, what I know.
Anything you did to survive the horror you grew up in was brave.
Anything you feel like you failed at wasn’t your failure. ”
He knew that. Brooke had tried to impress that upon him over the years. And he blamed everything on the evil men who’d hurt him and all the people around him. But it didn’t bring back the people who’d been lost.
Nothing did. If he’d been stronger though…
“You chose this,” she said, tapping his uniform.
So earnest. So sure. “You worked for it. You earned that badge and now you wear it with pride. So you can stand there and tell me a lot of things—you can tell me I’ll never understand, you can tell me you feel like you failed, but you cannot tell me you aren’t good or brave, because that is the heart of who you are. Period.”
Everything in his chest hurt. Like he was being cracked open. Worse, that her eyes were shiny like she might cry. Like she meant all this and it meant something to her.
He meant something to her.
“We should go,” he managed to grind out, sounding gruff and pained to his own ears.
She sighed, blinked a few times, then nodded.