34. Evanee
Evanee
A heavy silence stretched between us, loaded with everything we weren’t saying.
Ryker only spoke when it came time to discuss a plan.
My responses were clipped.
I couldn’t face him. Not after last night.
It was foolish to think things would slide right back to where they were before.
As if three years hadn’t passed. Sweet moon, I didn’t know if he’d felt anything at all for me when we’d been together.
What if I made it all up in my head? Every touch.
Every smile, story, and laugh. What if he did those things to be nice to the broken creature I was?
Blood drained from my face at that thought.
I knew he wasn’t lying about why he saved me—doubt crept in anyway.
He hadn’t been around when I woke this morning, further souring my mood and creating an abyss of insecurity as I replayed that whole year we grew close.
While I stomped around, I noticed a stable where two horses were housed and seemed well cared for.
As happenstance would have it, a great distraction.
I busied myself with brushing the horses, their presence already calming my self-destructing mind. After an hour had passed and there was still no sign of Ryker, I decided a ride might clear my mind.
It would seem even with my memories, I didn’t know how to get the saddle on properly. It took forever. I scowled at the clasp I was fighting with on the saddlebag when his scent closed in around me, making me tense.
“Evanee.”
“What?”
“Dammit, Evanee—look at me!”
I froze—and hated that my body still reacted to his presence.
His fighting leathers clung to him in the most infuriating way—his hair damp, face freshly shaven, eyes fierce. Captivating. My knees threatened to buckle beneath that stare.
He growled low. “I’m not good for you.”
“Who are you to decide what’s good for me?” I snapped, a sharp laugh breaking free. “Everyone thinks they can. And they have. I never thought you’d be one of them.” My voice cracked. He stepped closer. My resolve stumbled.
“I’m not telling you what to do,” he said, rougher now. “But you have to understand—we were both broken, battling our own demons. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you—”
“Taken advantage of me?!” My hands flew up. “Great moon, Ryker! I think—even back then—I knew my own fucking mind and feelings. I fell in love with you.”
The words hung between us. Panic reared at the admission—I shoved it down.
“Not because you saved me or—or showed me kindness. It was because of the male you are.” My breaths were uneven. “From the moment I met you, there was… something. A pull I can’t explain.” I searched his face. “Tell me you didn’t feel it too.”
His jaw feathered as he looked away, silent.
Acid burned in my stomach. I stumbled back a step.
This was a mistake. Being with him at all had been a mistake.
My hand pressed to my forehead, a cold sweat spreading over my skin.
He doesn’t want me. Oh, great moon, I really had mistaken his kindness for something more.
Threw myself at him that night like a desperate—
No.
There was no point in beating myself up over anything that happened three years ago. It was in the past. Anger followed my embarrassment like a skur on the hunt. My gaze narrowed, fists tightening as my nails bit into my palm.
“Message received,” I ground out through gritted teeth.
I may have buried the embarrassment for now, but my anger didn’t change the fact that I couldn’t look at him.
I whipped back around, shoving my foot into the stirrup—
Then was yanked back into his hard chest.
“What the hell—”
He righted me, fingers leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Traitorous, deprived body.
His hands stayed clamped around my arms, caging me there. His brow creased.
“I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you.” His breath hitched—subtle, but impossible to miss this close.
My gaze dropped to his mouth. “Then why push me away—why say you’re no good for me?”
His jaw flexed, silver leaking through the blue.
“Because I’m not.”
Breathing was difficult, my entire world narrowing to him as his hand cupped my cheek, eyes bearing down on mine as he leaned toward me.
Then his lips pressed against mine.
A groan scraped from my throat as his tongue swept into my mouth, every stroke stirring something feral inside me. Strong arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me effortlessly. As our bodies clashed together, my legs wrapped around him, his arousal pressed against my core, turning me molten.
The heat of his mouth disappeared, and he sucked in a breath through his teeth, leaning his head against mine.
“You’ll be my fucking undoing,” he murmured, the grit of his Gargoyle leaking through, sending goosebumps skittering over every inch of my body. My Gargoyle tried to answer, a ripple beneath my skin making me shudder in his arms.
“Show me.”
Silver flashed in his eyes before a primal growl reverberated in his chest, and suddenly, his mouth was back on mine, hungrier than before, tongue plunging deeper.
My hands instantly threaded through his hair, squeezing as the roughness of his fighting leathers rubbed deliciously against my sensitive breasts.
An ache throbbed between my legs as he moved from the wall of the stable, walking us back to the house, never breaking contact.
As the door was slammed open, and I came up for air, a nervous anticipation built low in my belly.
I hadn’t been with him since that first time when it'd been forbidden.
Rushed. But now, nothing stood in our way.
The house darkened as clouds rolled in, and as he sat me down on the edge of the lush bed, no blue remained in his gaze.
My teeth grazed my bottom lip as I watched him work the buckle to his sheath, dropping it to the floor.
A whimper pushed past my lips as he worked his fighting top next, throwing it across the room.
As he knelt in front of me, my gaze snagged on the scars within the ink on his shoulder and bicep, and I ran my fingers over the jagged flesh.
“I’ll always be there for you.” His hand cupped my face, his expression serious.
I knew then that he blamed himself for these three years I’d been gone.
It was the conviction in which he said it that made the realization hit.
There was nothing I could say to convince him it wasn’t his fault.
All I could do was show him that I was here now, and that I still loved him as much—if not more—than before.
My hand shook as I pulled away and scooted back on the bed. His eyes tracked me, thunder building in the distance as my fingers fumbled with the tie at the back of my top.
He stood—
“Let me.” The huskiness in his voice made my blood burn hot as I finally loosened the fabric.
I shook my head.
“You can watch.”
A deep rumble sounded from his chest, echoed by the thunder outside. The hair on my arms stood on end as the air electrified around us, awakening every nerve beneath my skin.
I pulled off the fabric, my nipples already achingly hard and breasts full.
My gaze stayed locked on him as I slowly trailed my finger down my neck, then between my breasts, veering to the right.
As my nail raked over my peaked nipple, my back arched, a heady moan escaping.
When I eased down, I watched him through hooded eyes, noting the tick in his jaw, reveling in the way his hand hovered near his cock, as if he considered touching himself too.
“Evanee,” he growled, unmoving.
Lightning flashed outside as I moved to my other breast, gasping as I pinched myself. His tongue ran over his fangs, every muscle taut, eyes greedily locked on my every move. While I continued to tease myself, my gaze ventured further down to where his arousal strained in his pants.
Rain pelted the window. I swallowed thickly, dragging my gaze back to his fierce one, reaching to unfasten my leggings.
Still, he watched, something dark and hungry flashing across his face as I pushed my hand beneath the band.
Air hissed through my teeth as my finger touched the slickness between my legs.
“Cruel to make me watch when your arousal is the most intoxicating thing I’ve ever known,” he said through gritted teeth.
I smirked, shutting my eyes as I swirled my finger around the sensitive bundle of nerves at the apex of my thighs, gasping.
“Too bad,” I breathed.
The bed dipped, and suddenly he was there, his mouth crashing against mine, a snarl slipping from him as he settled beside me. My fingers stilled, before I pulled my hand free to wrap my arms around his neck.
He snatched my hand, bringing my slick finger to his face, gaze burning into me as he put my whole finger in his mouth, and slowly sucked as he pulled it back out.
My heart felt as though it would beat out of my chest, vision swimming.
“Fucking intoxicating,” he murmured, as he then guided both of our hands beneath the band of my leggings.
My mouth fell open, eyes rolling to the back of my head when he pushed our index fingers inside me.
Fangs scraped against my throat, but it barely registered.
All of my focus was on our fingers and the rhythm he set us at.
“Ryker,” I begged, the sound choked.
His mouth lowered to my breast, sucking, teeth grazing, each pass making my lower belly tighten.
My back arched, the subtle sting of my hair pulling as his hand twisted within the black mass, bending me to his will, only intensifying the pleasure.
Our fingers moved deeper, and I cried out as he pressed my palm down on my clit, guiding it back and forth.
Stars flashed behind my eyelids as my hips started to move, chasing release—
He pulled our fingers out, the bed dipping as he retreated, and I instantly missed his heat. What—
A yelp escaped instead as he hooked his fingers in my waistband and pulled my leggings all the way off, completely baring me to him.
Rain turned to sleet as his powers flared.