Chapter 18
Grace
Sixteen Years Old
Ianxiously wait outside the locker room for Danny to finish getting ready.
Standing in front of the reflective windows of the building, I take in my appearance.
Worn, scuffed up white sneakers, my trusty gray-wash jeans, and Danny’s old football club shirt that I threw on for this game after school.
My hair is frizzy from the wind, and I look tired.
It’s been a long day, and I’m ready to go home.
Why did Tori and Danny break up? It doesn’t make any sense. They were fine at lunch. She was bragging about being the perfect girlfriend. He was standing there letting her pet his arm for God’s sake.
I shudder uncomfortably. Maybe I should’ve just gone home with Ben.
Danny and I used to talk about everything, but the contrast of who we were before Tori and who we are after her is jarring.
I know he’s my best friend, and I have no reason to have a pit in my stomach, but I’m worried it’ll be awkward.
What if we struggle to find our footing and the conversation lulls?
What if we’ve changed and can’t go back?
My stomach churns thinking about what it’ll be like to be alone with him again.
Even though Danny got his license a while ago, I’ve never been in his car.
Danny offered to take me to school when the semester started a couple weeks ago, but he also drove Tori, and I just…
couldn’t be in the same car as them every single morning.
Plus, I have a sneaking suspicion that Danny is a terrible driver.
In general, Danny’s ability to follow rules appears to be limited to the sport of football.
If you need to know every possible receiver route in a two hundred page playbook, he’s your guy.
If you need to build a small, two drawer dresser?
Look elsewhere. On the scale of football playing to furniture building, I find driving to be closer to building territory.
I don’t have my license yet because Dad refuses to sign me up. Even if I enroll in classes myself, without a car or willing parent, it’s a lost cause. It’s just another way I feel shackled in my own home.
Danny exits the locker room, freshly showered and ready to go.
His thick, black hair, damp from a shower, droops slightly over his forehead, and his light brown skin glistens in the moonlight.
He’s changed into Titans Athletics clothes and Jordans.
With a tentative smile on his face, he scratches behind his ear and appears flushed. Is he…nervous? Around me?
“Hey, thanks for waiting,” he says.
“I really had nowhere to go. All of my potential rides have already left the premises.”
Danny laughs. “Great, so you see me as a last resort. By the end of our drive, do you think I can convince you to start riding with me to school?”
“I’ll let you know after I evaluate your driving skills,” I say matter-of-factly as we walk toward the parking lot.
He lifts his chin. “Gracie, please. I’m an excellent driver. Flawless, really. You should see me parallel park.”
“Good for you.” I stop walking for a moment and look up at him. “Did you pass the test on the first try?”
He pauses and avoids eye contact with me. “I see no reason why that’s relevant.”
“Jeez, Danny. How many tries? Two?”
Danny resumes walking, jingling his keys in his hand.
“Holy shit. Am I going to die?” I follow after him, nearly jogging to catch up with his long strides.
“I’ll have you know the driving examiner had it out for me.”
I roll my eyes as we reach his car. “Please.”
“He did. He was wearing a Yellowjackets shirt. You know the Yellowjackets are our rivals. He probably recognized me and graded me unfairly,” he argues.
I raise an eyebrow. “Really? I find it odd that you would get the same examiner for both of the failed tests.”
“Well, the other ones disliked me, too, on principle. I could tell.”
“Ones?! Plural? Seriously, Danny, how many times did it take for you to pass the test? I deserve to know. It should be a mandatory disclosure for any riders in your vehicle.”
Danny coughs to hide it, but I can still hear him say “four” under his breath.
“Should I start praying?”
“You’re not religious.”
“I know, but this is an emergency scenario. I feel like God would take prayers by urgency and not the order in which they’re received. He just seems like that kind of guy, from what I know of him,” I explain, frantically gesturing to the sky.
“You’ve been to church a grand total of one time, Gracie,” he says flatly.
I pretend to be greatly offended. “Wow, Danny. Wow. Bringing up my mom’s funeral before you’ve even started the car.”
He laughs and we climb into his used blue Prius. It’s pretty clean on the inside with the exception of six empty sports drink bottles on the passenger side floor. I gently kick them over so I have room for my feet.
“Speaking of moms,” he says, “how come you’re better friends with my mom than me lately? Not gonna lie, I’m jealous.”
“I don’t know, Danny, maybe that has something to do with you all but ditching me over the summer,” I joke, then wince when it falls flat.
He’s not smiling. “Can we talk about that?”
“About what?”
“The way I’ve been acting.”
I fasten my seatbelt and shift nervously in my seat, fiddling with the climate controls. Going into this car ride, I kind of hoped he wouldn’t address it and kind of hoped he would. “Oh. Um, okay. If you want.”
“I’m sorry, Gracie. I’ve been a shitty friend for a while now. I let football camps and other relationships get in the way of us, and…well, I want my best friend back. I’m not just saying this because of my breakup, and”—he takes a deep breath—“I miss you.”
I pause, digesting his apology. He has been a shitty friend. At the same time, I never told him how I was feeling and made assumptions on his behalf. Every friendship experiences ups and downs. With Danny, there were so many ups that any down was going to feel big.
I'm ready to put this behind us, but vulnerability makes me nervous. Even though I inhale, then exhale slowly, my stutter still highlights my anxiety. “I miss you, t-too. I should’ve t-told you how I was feeling, b-but I guess I was scared. You were d-dating T-Tori, and I d-didn’t want t-to rock the b-boat or t-take up more of your t-time,” I mumble, tucking a curl behind my ear.
Danny’s face hardens. “Yeah, about that bullshit. Tori told me what she said to you. Gracie, it’s not true.
If anything, I want you to take up more of my time.
I hate that she put doubt in your head, but I hate myself even more for focusing on football so much I didn’t notice. You’re my best friend.”
“You’re my b-best friend, t-too,” I reply quietly.
“I know how important football is t-to you, b-but our friendship is just as important. I d-don’t want t-to d-distract you, I want t-to support you.
I forgive you this t-time, b-but I won’t let you t-treat me that way again, just casting me off when it was convenient for you. ”
“I promise you I won’t. Never again. Our friendship is more important to me than anything. I’m so sorry I didn’t act like it over the past three months.”
I nod, feeling better now that we’ve talked this out.
“Can I say it one more time?”
I smile. “Sure.”
“I’m sorry, Gracie girl.”
He turns the engine on and feeds the Dashboard Confessional CD into the stereo slot.
We catch up on everything. He tells me about the guys on the team and asks me questions about my friendship with Ben.
I swear Danny looks relieved when I bring up Ben’s girlfriend, Mia, but I’m probably imagining it.
We can’t stop smiling and teasing each other. It’s all so easy. It’s all so us.