Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
REX
I’d been kissed before, so why did kissing Perry feel like my first kiss all over again?
He was sweet and tentative as he rose up to brush his mouth against mine.
Every point of contact between us burned like a wildfire.
The press of his hands against my chest made my fingers curl tighter around his waist. That first touch of his lips against mine was the softest, sweetest thing I’d ever been gifted and immediately I needed more.
So I kissed him back. How had this man stayed single for so long? Was everyone completely blind? The second kiss was just as sweet as the first. A soft exploration that made my knees weak and my pulse race.
Before Perry could feel the extent of his effect on me, I pulled away, but I let my gaze linger on his face. On the tenderness in his eyes.
Every minute I spent with Perry was starting to feel less and less fake. My heart had been kicked around and bruised, but apparently it was still capable of skipping a beat when Perry looked at me a certain way. The way he was looking at me right now.
I slung my arm around his shoulders and tugged him close to me as we set off for the parking lot.
The kiss still shimmered between us, this unspoken thing that we both seemed to need a moment to wrap our heads around.
Had we not been in public, I might have kissed him harder, deeper.
I might have mapped his mouth with my tongue and breathed him in until he was part of me.
I’d had hookups before. My own fair share of one-night stands and short-lived flings.
But I always found the best experiences were with people I shared a connection with.
Anyone could have sex; but great sex, the kind that left you speechless and weak-kneed, was harder to come by.
I had a feeling that Perry would be firmly in the second category.
A simple kiss had knocked me off my feet and left me wondering how I was going to pretend to be this man’s boyfriend when all I wanted was to make it real.
We reached the car before I could come up with a good solution to my current predicament.
Did I confess to Perry that it wouldn’t be hard at all to make him a real boyfriend?
What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if I told him and made things awkward between us and then I’d have to break up with my fake boyfriend.
It was a stupid thing to do anyway, I realized.
This whole fake boyfriend farce. Nigel was an adult and so was I.
If he couldn’t handle that I’d had a very short, very uninspiring fling with his fiancé, then maybe he and his fiancé didn’t need to be getting married after all.
I couldn’t help the feeling that they weren’t a good fit anyway.
“I had a good time,” Perry said when we slid into the car.
“Even though one of my exes ruined dinner.”
Perry laughed. “He didn’t ruin anything. Relocating was a good idea. I had more fun here. Marcello’s was nice, but I was so uncomfortable there. I felt out of place. It was kind of a blessing when he showed up and tried to piss on your leg.”
My face scrunched. “There’s an unpleasant visual.”
“Not into watersports?”
“They say don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, but I can’t say that I’ve ever found the idea all that appealing. And until now, the subject has never come up.”
“All those exes and no one has ever offered?”
I barked out a laugh. “No, no one has ever offered. My sex life has been exceedingly vanilla, I think.” My brow furrowed and I tried not to compare my experience against Perry’s.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Perry said softly.
He still hadn’t slid the keys into the ignition.
We sat there in the half dark, the car illuminated only from ambient lighting.
The night was quiet and still like a held breath, and that tender look remained in Perry’s eyes whenever I caught his gaze.
“Have you ever been curious about different things?”
“Who hasn’t been curious about stuff from time to time?”
“Did you ever explore things you were curious about?”
“On occasion, yeah. It was easier if it was stuff I could try on my own.” I shot Perry a crooked smile.
“Fewer uncomfortable conversations that way. Besides, my past partners have all looked at me and sort of slotted me into a certain kind of role, and I guess I just let them.” Talking about watersports hadn’t made me blush, but mentioning that I was a pushover in bed had me squirming. “God, that’s embarrassing.”
“Why? Because you put the pleasure of your partners above your own desires? That’s not embarrassing, that’s a green flag for you and a red flag for them. Not that they were wrong for wanting to enjoy you, but that they didn’t seem to consider you in the equation.”
Perry still didn’t start the engine; instead he turned a little so he could face me better.
“You deserve to be with someone who will take you into consideration in all things, but especially in the bedroom.” He seemed to have more to say, because he opened his mouth, but he shut it again.
And this time, he did put the key into the ignition and started the car, putting a period on the end of the conversation.
He drove me home in silence that wasn’t awkward, but the kind where I could tell we both had a lot on our minds.
These dates were supposed to be practice runs for the wedding so we could pull off the whole fake boyfriend thing.
And because Perry, for whatever reason, hadn’t met someone who wanted to take him out properly.
The picture he painted was where everyone wanted him for his body and not for him.
The truth was that I liked Perry. A lot.
And were this thing between us real, I’d have invited him to come inside.
I still could, but if he came inside, we’d likely continue that kiss we shared.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to kiss him again, or touch him, or see what he looked like when he was falling apart under my touch.
I wanted all those things, but I didn’t want to be another man who just took from him.
Perry wanted to experience dating. He wanted to be taken out and shown a good time. If he wanted sex, he could have it whenever he wanted. And that’s not what he wanted from me.
I was the training-wheels boyfriend. The pretender. One day, maybe Perry would find a guy who would treat him the way he deserved to be treated.
The car came to a stop outside my house.
It wasn’t anything fancy. A single story, cookie-cutter house with a small yard that I’d bought with an inheritance some years ago now.
It actually had three bedrooms, which seemed excessive for a single person, but one room was a guest room for people, and another was a guest room for animals.
Over the years, I’d brought home all manner of creatures for short-term stays.
Yet another bone of contention with old partners.
Nothing says romance quite like honey, I’m home, and I brought a hedgehog.
“I had fun tonight,” Perry said as he put the car in park and shifted to look at me.
“Especially the ambush at dinner, right?”
“Dinner and a show. I fail to see the problem.”
Our gazes lingered and I still had the urge to invite him inside. I wanted him, and that’s why I couldn’t make myself ask. Perry was used to men who saw him as a conquest, and I was determined to not be filed into that category.
I liked Perry and I was determined to win him over. To prove to him that I was worthy of him, that I was different from all the other men in his life. I wanted Perry to trust me.
The click of my seatbelt undoing seemed to break the spell that had fallen over us. He blinked as if he were waking from a dream.
“I had a great time,” I said, reaching for the door handle. “And don’t worry, I won’t make you plan the next date.”
“Thank God. There’s too much pressure. I much prefer just being told where to show up and how pretty I need to be.”
I didn’t want to leave. Being around Perry made everything brighter. He was fun and sweet and had a big heart. It was a shame that no one had seen that part of him, because if they had, there’s no way he’d be single.
“You looked plenty pretty tonight. I should have said so earlier.”
I couldn’t tell if Perry was blushing or not, but he did smile at me in a sheepish kind of way. “You didn’t say so, in fact.”
“I’m a terrible date and I apologize. You looked wonderful.”
“Thank you. You’re not too shabby yourself.”
“For an old fart, you mean.”
“You’re not that old. You’re what… thirty-five?”
I let out a quiet scoff. “I’m forty, remember?”
“I forgot my fake boyfriend was that much older than me.”
“I’m not that much older. You’re twenty-nine.”
“And a half. I feel like the half is very important.”
“Worried I’ll sound like a cradle-robber?”
“No. I’m worried that I’ll sound like a grave-robber.”
I wanted to kiss the smile off his mouth. I wanted to memorize the shape of it with mine so I could replay it in the dark later when I was alone.
“I have to get inside.” I opened the door, but at the last minute, I leaned across the seat and pressed a kiss to Perry’s cheek. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”
I climbed out of the car before Perry could protest or before I could do something stupid like try to climb across the seat to get closer to him.
I leaned down, looking in the door to bid Perry a final goodbye before closing the door of the car.
And so what if I walked to my doorstep and then turned and stood there and watched him drive away.
Only turning to go inside once he was out of sight.
Danish greeted me with his usual enthusiasm.
His tiny legs turned into springs, and he bounced up and down while I toed my shoes off by the door and then carried them to my bedroom closet where they would be stored until I had another occasion to wear my shiny black loafers.
Because of my job, I usually wore sneakers, but I wanted to look nice for Perry.
I flopped down on my bed, facing the ceiling and Danish used his little doggy staircase to join me.
He tried to lick my face, but I pushed him away gently and chided him to behave.
Instead, he laid next to me, his little tail thumping on the bed, holding a quick but steady rhythm like a fuzzy metronome.
If I’d had a tail, it would have been doing the same thing when Perry kissed me.
“Danish, I’m screwed, aren’t I?”
Danish let out a soft woof as if to agree with me. “That’s what I thought.”