Chapter Twenty
Tommy
I’m living in purgatory.
Staying away from Maya is killing me. I’ve had to escape back to my home in the Cotswolds, to stop myself from forcing my way into her life. At what point do I give up and move on? I’ve been face to face with her twice since the accident, and she didn’t have a clue who I was.
The pain of seeing the person you love look at you as though you’re a stranger is like a dagger to the gut.
“Maya, would it be okay if some friends came to visit you? We’re hoping it might jog your memory by seeing them,” Dr Smyth asks her. He is stood at the open door, so we can hear her response.
“Please, don’t let them too close to me.” her voice sounds fragile, broken. My girl is suffering on her own and doesn’t know who to trust.
“Of course, I will be here the whole time.”
“Okay,” She agrees timidly.
It takes all the strength inside of me not to burst into the room and run to her.
I would be jealous of Dr Smyth if he wasn’t such a good guy, but my girl should be needing me by her side, not him.
I hang behind, letting the girls go in first, my parents and I standing at the back of the room. Giving her time to adjust.
She surveys all the newcomers for a moment, before bursting into tears. Big wet sobs.
She didn’t even look at me.
My own eyes water, knowing I’ve just lost my chance of her remembering me.
“Make them leave. Please!” She’s boarding on hysterical. I try to go to her, but my dad grabs onto me and drags me out the room.
“Son, now isn’t the time,” He whispers as we leave.
“But she needs me.”
That day was easily the worst experience I have ever been through. We tried again the next day, which resulted in the same outcome. After much deliberation, and continuous arguments, we agreed that the girls were her best bet right now. It took a few weeks, but she finally let them in.
Fallon texts me updates on her a few times a day.
It’s almost as if she is so involved in Maya and me to take her mind off Harry.
I don’t know how she hasn’t broken down yet.
Having to go to his funeral without her best friend by her side must have been hard.
She was depressed for weeks, only coming alive when she was working on making Maya trust her again.
When Fallon isn’t texting me, I turn into the world’s worst stalker. Walking past her work every lunch just to catch a glimpse of her. She caught me looking once, but I turned quickly to avoid eye contact.
I can’t have her thinking I’m the creeper from the window when we finally meet again.
Fallon actually text me yesterday to fill me in with the police update. Of all fucking people, it had to be him. He better get caught by the police before I get my hands on him, because I know which outcome will be worse.
Fucking Jake.
The good thing about having accumulated as much money as I have, is having the funds and friends in high places to look into this kind of shit. I have already arranged protection for Maya as they assumed it was a targeted attack, but since the update off Fallon, I have upgraded their presence.
“Bro, you can’t carry on like this forever. Maybe I should go and see her?” Max interrupts my brooding.
“I don’t think anything will help. She doesn’t even want to give me a chance.”
“Then don’t give her an option!” he demands. Max is never the one to think clearly in emotional situations.
“What’s got into you, Max?”
“Nothing. It’s just horrible to see you like this. Being kept away from the woman you love for absolutely no reason at all.” His posture is stiff, eyes red. This doesn’t seem to be aimed at me alone, what’s happening with him?
“Anything you want to talk about?” I ask, genuinely worried now. He never gets upset, over anything, not that I can recall anyway.
“Nope,” He huffs. Well, that’s a lie.
“Are you seeing someone?” Surely, I would be the first to know if he was. Men don’t usually act this way unless it involves a woman, money or the football score.
“Yes, no, maybe? Fuck, it doesn’t matter anyway.” He turns to stare out of the window at the luscious greenery surrounding the cottage.
“It does matter. You’ve been there for me through all this fucked up shit, you can talk to me.” Talking about feelings isn’t something us Jackson boys are used too. Ever since Maya’s accident though, I’m like a wet lettuce.
“Just drop it, okay? I’m fine. I think we should head back to Worcester. You can’t hide away forever.”
I know he’s avoiding his situation but who am I to force it out of him. At least he’ll be quiet for a change. I do agree with him though, I can’t stay here forever. It’s been six months since she forgot me, I won’t let another six months go by without her.
“Let’s go home.”
Max and I travelled in separate cars to my apartment, which I was glad of. I needed the time alone to come up with my new plan. I will win my girl back the old-fashioned way.
Now that I’m back, I just need to get the ball rolling.
She’s had enough time to adjust to her new reality, too much time for me but I gave her the space she needed. I just need to get Fallon on board. If she won’t help me, the plan will go to shit.
Feeling more myself than I have in months, knowing that soon I will see Maya, I get to work on sorting this shit hole of an apartment out.
It looks like a bomb went off in here. I’m not one who tends to live in mess, so seeing this with my new sense of purpose is sending my anxiety through the roof.
Take out food trays are scattered on most surfaces, plates and glasses are piled up at the sink, I wouldn’t mind but I have a dishwasher for fucks sake. I don’t even want to look at what the laundry room will be like.
Max walks in as I’m walking round the house with a bin bag, looks me up and down and practically growls.
“You can piss right off if you think I’m helping with this abomination. What did you do? Throw a party?”
Yeah, a pity party by the looks of it, how did I not realise it had got so bad.
“Fuck off. You’ve stayed here too and rent free. Go strip the beds and put a wash on,” I demand, inwardly laughing at how such a chore would repulse him.
“Urgh, fine,” He says as he stomps out of the room.
“You’re acting like a child,” I call after him.
“You’re acting like a dick,” He retorts.
Yeah, I am. A dick who is trying to keep busy. I’ve arranged to meet all my family at my parent’s house tonight. For my plan to work, I need them on board to help me. I’ve been an unbearable arsehole for months, and it’s taking it’s toll on everyone around me.
But being completely honest, I couldn’t give a fuck. I need her, like an addict needs meth.
I’m not going to stop until I have her.