Chapter 37
Billie
Bodi got home late and left early.
Rome never came home, even though I waited half the night for him to show up. No calls, no texts, no nothing. And I’m more pissed off about being ghosted than anything else.
I don’t have time to dwell on it, either, because I turned in one project today, am putting the final touches on another that I’ll turn in on Friday, and the last two will be done in the next week or so.
Nita is helping me pull together charts for the finance project this afternoon, and though I’m doing my damnedest to focus, I can’t seem to find a shred of interest in what we’re doing.
“Am I boring you?” Nita asks, her voice light.
“I was daydreaming. Sorry.” I turn back to the computer screen, staring at a jumble of numbers that suddenly look like they’re written in hieroglyphics.
“What’s wrong?” she asks after a moment. “From the day we started this project, you’ve been excited, completely immersed in whatever we were doing. Today, you literally could not care less…”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just…” I rub my eyes, willing myself not to get emotional. I don’t have time to be emotional.
“You want to talk?”
My elbows hit the desk and my chin winds up in my hands.
“I’m so mad,” I whisper. “And hurt. And heartbroken. The men in my life don’t seem to take me seriously.”
“Men?” She cocks her head curiously. “Are you seeing someone other than Rome?”
“My brother!” I spit out in frustration. “My brother is trying to ruin my life. Or at least my relationship with Rome.”
“What happened?”
I tell her as much as I know about what went down after the second game in Vegas.
“And Rome ghosted you?”
“Yup. Won’t even text me back. Didn’t come home last night.
What the hell is Bodi thinking? Does he really believe I’m just going to stay single forever?
No husband or kids or anything? Because I might get my heart broken?
What kind of crazy bullshit is that? I mean, what the fuck?
” I’m rambling but it’s better than crying.
“Oh, honey.” She puts a comforting hand on my forearm. “I don’t know what—” The intercom buzzes. “Hey, Nita? There’s someone here to see Billie.”
“If it’s Bodi, you’d better come with me because I might strangle him.”
She chuckles. “I might help you.”
We get up and pad out to the dining room, and I freeze when I see Rome.
“See? Not ghosted. Go ahead and use my office,.” she whispers as she nudges me.
“Hey.” I approach gingerly.
“Hi.” He stares down at me, and for the first time since we met that night at Blue Thunder, I can’t tell what he’s thinking. “Can we talk?”
“Yeah. Come on.” I lead him back to Nita’s office and close the door. “Have a seat.”
“I just need a few minutes.”
He looks uncomfortable, and I wait, because now I can guess what’s coming. Hell, I knew when I didn’t hear from him all night. So I remain standing as well.
“Say what you came to say. I’m assuming you want to end things.”
“That’s the last thing I want, but…”
“But what? Bodi told me you asked for a trade so it must be at least a little bit what you want.”
“I couldn’t let Bodi take the fall.”
“What?” I stare in confusion.
“Ms. Barrowman insinuated it might come down to him or me, and I couldn’t let it be him. Not after all you’ve been through.”
My mouth falls open.
The scared little girl in me wants to throw my arms around him for being so sweet when Bodi’s been nothing but a dick to him. But the grown woman in me is furious .
“So you went ahead and made that unilateral decision without discussing it with me? You know, the woman in your life? You didn’t think I should have a say in what happens between us?”
“It’s not that simple. We already knew that I probably wouldn’t be here beyond this season so?—”
“We don’t know that!” I snap. “We— you —were working on making them keep you. You’ve been playing your ass off, making friends, finding your place here.
And then because Bodi has a burr up his butt about my virtue or some insane notion that I’m going to die if he doesn’t control every aspect of my life, you just throw yourself under the fucking bus? ”
“She was going to send him back to the Rebels!” he yells, throwing up his hands. “He’s twenty-five—he has his whole career ahead of him. What do I have?”
I stare, a trail of pain burning its way through my heart and straight up to my eyeballs, where it trickles out as a single tear. “Me,” I whisper. “You had me .”
“Baby.” He reaches for me but I step out of the way.
“Don’t. You and my brother, you’re two of a kind, you know that?
Always thinking you know what’s best. For yourselves and for me, but no one ever fucking asks me!
” I swipe at the tears I can’t seem to stop.
“Did it ever occur to you to ask if I was willing to live in your stupid cabin? Or if I would consider leaving L.A.? Or, you know, if I had an idea to open a franchise in New York? No? Of course not. Because poor Billie is just a dumb twenty-two-year-old who doesn’t know anything, right? ”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Billie, I need a little time to think, and to get through the season. Then we can regroup.”
I motion to the door. “Take all the time you need—but don’t expect me to be waiting when you’re done. I’m finished with both of you.”
“Honey...” His face softens, and it looks like he’s going to reach for me again. But then he seems to reconsider whatever it was he was going to do and merely nods. “If that’s what you want.”
“No, don’t put this on me. You did this. You and Bodi. So I hope you’re both happy.” I sink down in Nita’s chair. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”
He doesn’t move for a moment, I can practically feel his eyes burning into the top of my head since I’m looking down at the papers scattered in front of me. Papers I can’t see because my vision is blurred with tears.
“Take care of yourself, Billie.” His voice is so quiet I can barely hear him.
Then he’s gone and I give him thirty seconds before I drop my head on the desk and let the tears fall. I’m so angry at the two of them. And hurt that Rome doesn’t love me enough to put my brother in his place—make him understand that he’s in this for the long haul.
Because he isn’t.
The thought comes quickly and makes the tears fall harder.
“Honey, what happened?” I hear Nita’s voice, feel her hand on my shoulder.
For the first time in a long time, I miss my mom. Miss her so much it’s physically painful. She would know what to do. She would have my back, understand that I’m an adult with a mind—and a life—of my own.
Bodi finished raising me but that doesn’t give him the right to control me forever.
“I can’t… he doesn’t…” My words are jumbled and I’m crying so hard I can’t breathe.
Nita holds out her arms and I fall into them, sobbing.
“It’s going to be okay,” she whispers, hugging me tightly. “I promise. He’s going to come to his senses. Both of them will.”
All I can do is cry.
“Can I… please…” I’m hiccupping between the words. “Stay with… you… for…”
“As long as you need. My guest room is empty. Don’t worry about anything.” She strokes my hair until I’m calmer.
When I finally lift my head I’ve smeared makeup all over her blouse and it’s sopping wet.
“I’m sorry…” I whisper, fumbling for a tissue.
“It’s just a shirt. It gets much dirtier over the course of the day when I’m in the kitchen.” She smiles. “Now tell me what happened.”
I blurt out the details of our conversation, which makes me start to cry all over again.
“Oh, Rome.” She sighs heavily. “So stubborn.”
“And Bodi is worse.” I sniffle.
“Come on—don’t cry. Let’s have Bryant make us something fun for lunch, and then we’ll finish the charts for your project. After that, if you’re up to it, we can go to your place and pack a bag. And tonight we’ll eat cookies and watch romcoms.”
I smile feebly. “Thank you. I guess it’s been a while since I had a good cry.”
“We all need one of those every now and then. Especially when the man in your life—or men, in this case—are behaving badly.”
“I thought he loved me,” I admit sadly. “Or at least thought he was getting there.”
“I think he does. Or is. But this is complicated. No one wants to come between family, especially when you and Bodi don’t have anyone else.
That part of it I understand. He’s afraid you’d start to resent him, you know?
And you might. Bodi did give up a lot to take care of you, and Rome respects that. How can he not?”
“So I should be alone forever because Bodi made a choice to step up and be a good big brother? I don’t get to fall in love or have a family of my own?” I demand.
“Of course you do. But he has to work through whatever is going on in his head, whether it’s trauma, like you think, or something else. And eventually, someone is going to have to give him an ultimatum.”
“If it wasn’t the playoffs, with so much at stake for both of them, I would fight, but I can’t. Not right now. And frankly, I feel like Rome should fight for me. If he loves me.”
“And maybe he will. Give it a couple of days. Let them both see what it’s like not having you in their lives. Neither of them is going to like it.”
I really, really hope she’s right because I don’t like it either.