Chapter 14 #4
“Well, he’s clearly where you get your prickliness from, but he also enjoys being at the faire. All I’m saying is let people see the side of you that you’ve been showing me the last couple weeks.”
“What side is that?” His voice was a low rumble between them. Dark shadows played against his hair, his cheekbones, his lips. In the firelight, his eyes almost looked black as they glanced down at her lips.
He wants to kiss me. There was no question about it. And even more alarming was the realization that she wanted to kiss him as well. Her body instantly heated up as she started to lean forward.
No. Don’t do it. Whatever this was between them, Hawk had made it clear to her that he wasn’t interested in becoming more than friends.
She stood, the overwhelming urge to leave thrumming through her.
Hawk followed her to his feet, his face crinkling in worry. “Lilian, where are you going?”
“It’s late. I should be going home.”
“Wait, you were drinking. You can’t drive like this.”
Shit. He was right. She’d happily downed two more bottles of beer and was pleasantly buzzed. “I’ll crash here then. Alex won’t mind.”
“Half the cast has already passed out on the couches,” Hawk said. “Why don’t you stay the night at my apartment?”
She froze, her mind replaying the words. Had he really said that? Yes, he had, and by the look on his face, he actually meant it. She didn’t know what to say. Or what would happen at his apartment, but she really, really, really wanted to find out.
“Okay.”
Hawk was right. He didn’t live far away. It was late, and the usual bustle of college kids drinking downtown was quiet. The bars had their last calls, the streets were empty.
Alex’s party had been in a similar state, with only a few stragglers left behind. Alex had looked tired when they’d said their farewells, but her eyes had definitely followed as they’d left together.
She hadn’t seen Margo before leaving, but her friend lived and taught in Manhattan.
Hopefully she’d called an Uber. The walk gave her the opportunity to sober up and text Margo to make sure her friend was all right.
She followed Hawk up to his second-floor apartment.
Why had she agreed to this? What was she thinking?
What was she expecting? But more importantly, what was Hawk expecting?
Her stomach twisted at the thought, anxiety and excitement swirling into a pleasurable thrill that she hadn’t felt in years.
Inside, the air conditioner was on full blast, making it feel as if they’d stepped into a freezer.
She shivered involuntarily against the drastic change.
A pristine apartment was spread out in front of her, the complete opposite of Alex’s cramped house.
A giant flat-screen hung on the main wall.
She could imagine Hawk lounging on the plush leather couch, watching whatever sports game was on.
A fancy bookshelf sat against the wall. Instinctively, she moved toward it.
It was full of books, but nothing she recognized.
They all seemed to be nonfiction or business theory.
But she would count it as a win. “Never date a man who doesn’t read,” her mother always said. She’d never mentioned what kind of books.
There was the autobiography he’d bought at The Pretty Pages, set on the shelf like a trophy.
Among all the tall hardcovers, one paperback was tucked away in the corner.
She reached out, curious to see what paperback a man like Hawk Carlisle would read.
The spine was so creased she couldn’t make out what the title was.
“You can have my bed,” Hawk said, moving toward the kitchen.
“Oh?” The announcement caught her off guard. Her hand snapped back as she turned to stare at him.
You can have my bed. Which meant he didn’t mean to share it with her. Relief and mortification sank into her muscles. Questions bubbled in her mind, but the bed—and what happens on the bed— was something she tried not to dwell too much on.
“No, I can take the couch. Really. It looks comfortable.” She gave the leather cushions a reassuring pat. They were surprisingly soft, and it didn’t look like a bad place to sleep.
“I’ll take the couch.” Hawk’s voice brooked no argument. He was reaching into his cabinets, grabbing two glasses and filling them up with water.
She took the offered drink with a quiet, “Thanks.”
This was not what she’d been expecting. The casual discussion from earlier was gone. There was a familiar distance between them again. Except now she knew what it was like to have Hawk’s entire attention. To talk and laugh with him. And she wanted more.
There had been a heat between them. They had been about to kiss, right? Before she freaked out and messed it up. Why invite her back to his place if he hadn’t intended to pick up where they left off?
“Lilian.”
She’d heard him say her name every kind of way. In exasperation, in fondness. But this time she couldn’t decipher the expression underneath it.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She took a deep breath and pushed all the intrusive thoughts to the side. She needed to stop getting her hopes up. Stop thinking about him.
Hawk wasn’t interested in her.
That was clear now.
Time for bed.
In the morning, she could pick up the small bits of her dignity and get back to work. “It’s late. I’ll go to bed. Where is your room?”
She moved past him, determined to make a getaway before her face betrayed her words. But a gentle hand on her arm held her in place.
“I did something wrong again,” he said, sounding remorseful. “I’m sorry. Please tell me what’s wrong.”
She meant to shrug it off again with another obtuse excuse. But the alcohol still buzzed through her veins, and logic wasn’t working in her favor. The words came tumbling out. “I don’t know what we're doing.”
“What we—”
“Are we friends? Business associates?” She peeked at him and saw the confused dip in his dark brows, but he was nodding his head as if agreeing or trying to understand. The next word came out in a squeak of hope. “More?”
She braced for what came next. Rejection. He was going to admit that she had it wrong. That he was being nice. It wasn’t like that. All the things she knew in her heart and should have expected but had dared to hope against.
“Forget it,” she said quickly, “I’m sorry I asked.”
“But I didn’t answer you.”
She opened her eyes again. His tone, his face—it was all so hard to read. He was still standing there, staring at her.
“You did, actually. You didn’t answer my question about the ball, and now you’re pushing me to the bed.”
He grimaced. “I’m sorry.”
“I got the sense you might like me. And I like you…”
“You do?”
Her eyes went wide. “Isn’t it obvious?” He wasn’t smiling. So maybe it wasn’t that obvious. Or maybe they were both incredibly dense. “I asked you if you were going to the ball!”
“Yeah, but that could mean anything.”
“No, it couldn’t,” Lilian deadpanned.
“I assumed you were… being nice.”
“Nice?”
“Lilian.” He looked so serious she thought he was going to reveal some deep, dark secret. Instead, he said, “You are the nice one between the two of us. You invite everyone to things. You invited me to the party tonight even though no one else wanted me there.”
A hysterical giggle bubbled out of her. “You seriously couldn’t tell that I liked you?”
“I mean, I know how I felt, but I thought you still hated me.”
“I don’t. I haven’t. Not for a while now.”
He smiled at that. “Really? So my attempts to woo you haven’t been in vain.”
A blush scorched her cheeks at the admission. She slapped his arm playfully. “You were flirting with me. I changed my mind. I don’t like you again.”
“No, don’t be like that.” He pulled her close. “I do like you. I want to kiss you. But we’ve both been drinking, and I am afraid if I kiss you, I won’t be able to stop myself from wanting to do other things with you.”
She was speechless. A shiver of anticipation ran up her spine at the thought of doing… other things with Hawk. “Really?”
“Fuck, Lilian.” He sat next to her on the couch, and the heat was back. This time it was from his body. “I want to do so much more than kiss you. But I want to make sure this is something you really want.”
Their knees touched. He leaned closer. This was the closest she’d ever been to him. She noticed the slight bump in his nose, the elegant curl of his hair, and the bow shape of his lips. Those very kissable lips.
“Me, too,” she admitted weakly. Unable to control herself anymore, she reached up and brushed his hair against his forehead. It was softer than she imagined.
“But I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“You aren’t.”
“I’m your boss.”
She smiled, even though her chest pinched in disappointment. “I thought that might come up.”
The severity of his face eased. “Am I that predictable?”
“Not at all,” Lilian whispered, pulling her hand back. If he’d been predictable, she never would have been able to foresee this happening between them.
“What do we do about this?”
Despite all the things he’d said so far, he hadn’t said the one thing she wanted to hear. That he wanted to date her. Hawk was exactly the kind of man who would hold himself back from a relationship out of fear of breaking rules.
“We can’t be together at the faire,” he said, stoic as always. “But we’re not at the faire here.”
She cocked her head at the expression on his face. “Hawk Carlisle, are you bending the rules?”
“Certainly not. We’re not dating officially. And we’re not at the faire. It’s not against the rules.”
“I see.” Hope flickered in her chest at the same time a part of her squirmed at the suggestion.
It must have shown on her face. Because Hawk grabbed her hands and held them. “After the season, we’ll tell everyone. The faire will be done, and we won’t have to worry about it. But if you don’t want to do it, I won’t pressure you. We can wait until the season is over to start anything.”
“No. I…” She licked her lips. Her thoughts were a whirlwind of emotions, but more than anything was the fear that if they waited, it would be a missed opportunity. That the thing between her and Hawk would flicker out of existence before it even had a chance to thrive.
The end of the faire was only three weeks away. She could wait that long. And it didn’t mean they wouldn’t be together until then. If the hunger in Hawk’s eyes was any indicator, he couldn’t wait.
She nodded in agreement. With a soft smile, Hawk leaned forward and pressed their lips together.
It was like a switch flipped. All the moments between them, the soft allowances, the lingering stares, the moments where they walked to her car together.
He liked her. And even more jarring… she liked him back.
This was really happening. Hawk Carlisle was kissing her.
Their connection was both too short and endless; at some point, they both realized they needed to pull back for air. Lilian panted softly as she stared at Hawk. “That was… nice.”
“Just nice?” Hawk asked, smiling.
“No, more than nice. It was amazing. No one has ever kissed me like that before.”
“Like what?” He pressed forward, arms caging her on either side until she was leaning back against the couch’s soft cushions with him on top of her.
Like they can’t get enough of me. But that was almost too pathetic to say out loud.
Lilian gasped as something hard pressed against her hip. Him. Hawk was pressing down on her, and he was hard. She couldn’t help but moan into his mouth at the sensation. In response, Hawk moved his hips, grinding against her in a delicious way.
“God, Lilian,” he breathed, “the things you do to me.”
“I didn’t know,” she whispered back.
His shoulders shook with a laugh. “How could you not know?”
“You're like a freaking statue! And every time you talked to me, I thought you were mad.”
“I was mad,” he mumbled, taking her lips again.
But Lilian pulled back. “I knew it! Why were you so grumpy?”
“You want to have this conversation now?”
No. She didn’t. She wanted to kiss his lovely mouth until her lips turned numb. She wanted to get Hawk into his bed and do way more than kissing. But if she was going to be doing anything with a man who had once been her sworn nemesis, she was at least owed an explanation.
As if reading her mind, he bent down and brushed his lips against her. It was a slow, lingering touch. The velvet-soft lips moving back and forth against her own. “I was furious about what you did to me. I’ve worked at the faire for years and never had a woman make me feel like this.”
Oh. She cupped his cheek, and he pulled back. Allowing her to take in the open honesty in his eyes. “I don’t know if I can fall asleep knowing you’re out here on the couch,” she admitted.
Hawk sat back, but he didn’t move. “I don’t know if I can sleep knowing you’re in my bed.”
God, did his voice get deeper? She swallowed, sitting up. She understood Hawk wanting to do this by the book, but this was torture. “Can we stay up a little while longer? Maybe we can watch some television? I’ll make sure to keep my hands to myself.”
He smiled. “Sure.”
They settled beside each other on the leather cushions. Hawk grabbed a nearby blanket and wrapped it around them both, with his arm pulling her close. She allowed herself to lean into him. The scent of his soap clung to his clothes, and she had to refrain from sniffing it.
“Oh sweet, The Lions’ Den,” she said, noticing the familiar panel of business CEOs. “You got me addicted to this, you know.”
“Really?” He laughed, and she could feel the rumble echo throughout his entire body.
“Yeah. Let’s watch it.”
His arm squeezed her closer, a silent agreement. They made it through one pitch before Lilian rested her eyes and promptly fell asleep right there on Hawk’s couch, in his arms.