Chapter 21
21
T he pastor said, “As we come to the conclusion of our message today,” and Lawson’s head jerked up. He had zoned out. Maybe he had stopped listening altogether months ago.
Pastor Judson continued. “Forgiveness is not merely a suggestion but a command from our Lord. In the Lord's Prayer, we are taught to pray, "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Jesus emphasizes this in Matthew 6:14-15: ‘For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.’
“We must recognize that forgiveness is a journey, often challenging and filled with struggle. It requires us to let go of our pain, anger, and desire for revenge, trusting in God's justice and mercy. As Paul writes in Ephesians 4:31-32, ‘Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.’
“Let us take this to heart, allowing God's grace to help us forgive. Before we pray, I want to remind you to continue praying for the Macklin family. Lydia and the Macklin sons have asked me to say thank you to all of you for your help and support. They’ve enjoyed the meals you’ve brought. I know so many of you have been the recipient of a meal from Lydia over the years, and it’s been a joy to be able to give back to her in that way. We’re so grateful for the Lord’s hand over James, and for His provision in their time of need through all of you.”
Lawson closed his eyes as the pastor prayed, but he hardened his heart against the words. As soon as church was over, he whispered to Harper that he wanted to go. He had no desire to speak to the church members and hear all of them say how they were praying for his dad. He walked out of the church and headed toward his vehicle, holding Harper’s hand in his.
They climbed in the truck, but before he could leave the parking lot, Harper stopped him. “Is everything alright?” she asked.
Lawson shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to think anymore. I know that I came to church today because my parents expect me to do it. I also know that you wanted to come to church today. I feel like everything we talked about when we first met, you’ve done a complete one-eighty on. And that’s your prerogative. I’m not gonna tell you that you can’t believe. I’m just not sure what that means for us.”
Harper pressed her lips together in thought. Finally, she looked him in the eyes. “I agree. I don’t know what that means for us. When we first met, I was bitter and angry. I couldn’t understand why God had let things happen to me that have happened in my life, so I chose to believe that He didn’t care. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I believed there wasn’t a God. There’s too much in creation to not believe that something created it and planned it. But I just couldn’t see how He could care if He let bad things happen.”
Lawson jumped in. “Yes, exactly. That’s exactly how I feel.”
Harper held up a hand. “But Lawson, that’s not right. Yes, bad things happen in the world. That’s because of sin and the brokenness that came into the world through it. I know that I have sinned in my life. And I’m sure you know that you have too. Everyone has. So instead of focusing on God allowing bad things to happen, I started to focus on the fact that God sent His Son. Despite all of the bad things that people do, God wanted to be with us, and He sent His Son to die. That was the ultimate bad thing that could’ve happened. Now I see things more clearly, and I don’t want to live my life mad at God. I want to walk with Him. I want to know Him and follow Him and trust that, in the end, everything will work out for good.”
“I can respect that. But I’m sorry, I don’t believe it. I don’t feel the same way.”
“I was afraid you might say that. I won’t stop praying that God will speak to your heart and that you will follow Him. But I also respect your opinion and your decision. But you’re right to think that we can’t go on like this if we have these beliefs. I don’t think that we can build a relationship when we feel so differently about something that’s so important.”
“I don’t want to break up,” Lawson said quickly.
“I know. But this is too important. I think we need some time apart. I haven’t wanted to tell you yet, but I got a call to come photograph at a rodeo next week. I hadn’t decided, but now I think I have. I need to go. I’ll be honest. I’m not really sure what my future looks like, but while I figure it out, I’m going to continue to do the thing that I love.”
Lawson wanted to argue, but he didn’t see any point. “I care about you, Harper. And I want you to be happy. I would never ask you to stop doing what you love. I just don’t know how we can make it work for us.”
Harper gave him a sad smile. “Lawson, I know this isn’t what you want to hear and that you don’t agree with me, but I believe if we are supposed to be together, God will make a way. I don’t know what that looks like, but He does. So I’m gonna trust Him and not worry. I care about you too, Lawson, a great deal. And I love your family. They’ve taken me in, and I feel like I always have a place I can come back to. But for now, this is what I need to do.”
“I understand. I don’t like it, but I understand. You’re right, you’re welcome back here anytime. I’ll give you some space, but I’ll be thinking about you every single day.”