Chapter 13
Georgia
This must be what the fiery depths of hell feel like.
Fire licks through my veins, pooling until it meets in my stomach and wraps around to my back.
I want to scream, but it does nothing except tire me quicker. I learned that within the first hour of being here. Now we are on hour three, and I’ve given up on finding relief.
The nurse asked me if I wanted an epidural, but I’m determined to do this the natural way.
“How are you feeling?” Nurse Kathy asks, walking into the room.
If this pain is from hell, then this woman is from heaven. She has been my savior since I realized this was actually real.
“Like I’m going to die,” I deadpan, but she doesn’t take my sarcasm to heart. Instead, she offers me a smile and shakes the cup in her hand.
“I brought you ice chips, though. You can’t die before you’ve had those delicacies.”
Grayson snorts, and I glare at him.
He loses the smirk on his lips and mouths, “Sorry.”
I groan and throw my head back to stare at the ceiling.
My husband has also been heaven-sent. He’s been the calm to my panic, assuring me that it will be okay every time I start to freak out.
Tears pool in my eyes.
“Did you talk to my mom, Grayson?” I ask, as Kathy busies herself with checking mine and the baby’s vitals.
Grayson is quiet for a second, and he doesn’t have to say anything for me to know that the answer isn’t the one I want.
Mom and Dad had a cruise planned long before I found out I was pregnant.
They offered to cancel when they realized it was close to my due date, but I thought I had time.
I never expected that I would be having a baby at thirty-five weeks as a first time mom.
Now they are in Florida, miles away, and I am here, having their first grandbaby without my mom by my side.
And even though my mom and I don’t always see eye to eye, I wanted her here with me because, with each fresh wave of pain, I’ve turned into a little girl again, wanting to be comforted by her mom.
“They tried to get on a flight, but they are all booked,” Grayson says, sounding guilty. But it’s not his fault. It’s no one’s fault, and yet my chest aches anyway. “I’m sorry, Peach. I wish I could make this easier for you.”
His hand smooths over my sweat-soaked hair, unbothered by it. If I were in my right mind, I would find that disgusting, but right now, the pain is taking over all my rational thought.
“I need to check you now,” Kathy says, standing beside the bed, and I cringe.
The first time she did that, I nearly cried. This time, I won’t be able to stop the tears.
I nod, allowing her to do what she needs to do and holding my breath the whole time. When she is finished, tears stain my cheeks, and Grayson’s hair looks like he has nearly pulled it out. He’s running his hands through it all day, tugging at the roots when he feels the most helpless.
“You’re progressing smoothly. Hopefully, we can hold off just a little longer, though. We have a pediatric doctor on call, and we would like him to be here before you deliver—just in case.”
She doesn’t have to explain what the just in case means. I’ve been running scenarios over in my head since our arrival. I’m terrified about what comes next for our little boy.
“Okay,” I croak.
“Do you need anything else before I go?”
I shake my head, unable to get any other words to form.
“Just a miracle,” I think as she walks out the door.
______________________
“It’s time to push, Georgia.”
A wave of fear washes over me. “But the peds doctor isn’t here yet. I don’t want to push without him.”
“Honey,” Kathy says, holding my hand, “you don’t have a choice. He’s coming whether you want him to or not.”
My eyes search for Grayson’s, and as much as he tries to hide it, I can see my own fear shining back at me in his. He’s scared, but he’s trying to be strong for me.
“You’ve got this, Peach. I’ll be right here beside you.”
I nod, but I don’t tell him how tired I am.
I feel like if I could just close my eyes for a minute, I would sink into a sleep I’m not sure I could come back from. And if I told him that, I would have to watch that fear in his eyes grow stronger.
So I stay silent and let him lift my leg, hoping I have the strength.
“On the count of three, you’re going to give me one big push,” Dr. Madoc says. “Tuck your chin to your chest and bear down. Okay?”
“Okay,” I croak, waiting for her count.
“One. Two. Three.”
I bear down with all my might, holding my breath and pushing until I’m afraid I might pass out.
“Good. Good. You can relax for a minute.”
I don’t know who said it. Maybe it was Kathy. Maybe it was Dr. Madoc. Or it could have even been Grayson. My brain is foggy, and I can’t concentrate.
A calloused hand strokes my cheek. “You’re okay, baby. You’re okay.”
I hadn’t realized it until then, but my face is wet. Tears silently slipping down my cheeks in rivers of pain.
Shaking my head, I try to clear some of the fog away. “I don’t think I can do this, Gray.”
“Yes, you can, Peach. You’re strong—so much stronger than I’ve ever been. You can do this.”
“Push again on three.”
I hear the words, but my body is tired. I physically cannot do it.
My eyes flutter one more time, and I struggle to open them back up—just one more time. I need to see Grayson’s face just once more.
“She’s crashing.”
“What’s happening?” I hear Grayson’s panicked voice, and I fight to make it back to him—to save him from having to see me like this. But I’m too tired, and the darkness is taking over.
Just before it swallows me whole, I hear Grayson scream. “No, Peach. You won’t do this to me. Wake up, Georgia. Wake up.”
And I try. I really do, but I’m too far gone.