Chapter 17
17
Zeke turned slowly, hoping he heard her wrong. “What did you say?”
She shook her head, her long hair tumbling over her shoulders and reminding him of a long ago moment when she refused to do something Montgomery told her to do. She looked the same. Small, vulnerable, innocent. “I am messing up everything for both of you. I’m in the way and I’m screwing up your lives. I shouldn’t have called you. I should have just run.”
Zeke stalked across the house to her, doing his best to stuff down the anger coursing through him like a toxin he couldn’t fight off. “Don’t you dare say that. You being here is a gift. It’s something Mont and I have dreamed about for twelve years.”
“He’s all angry and whatever, and I’m in your way of things with Berkeley.”
“Whoa, what? We’ll talk about Mont in a second, but Berkeley? There’s nothing going on with Berk and me. Never has been, never will be.”
“But you were whispering, and you hugged her. You seem close.”
Zeke scrubbed a hand over his face and tried to measure what she thought she saw with what it meant she thought about him. He took a careful step back. “Berkeley is a good friend. She’s someone we’ve relied on for years to help coordinate things at work. She’s kind and she’s funny and I care about her. But she’s like the sister I never had, not a woman I want to fuck.”
Nina flinched at his harsh word, but he didn’t fucking care. She needed to understand what he was saying.
“I always thought I was the sister you never had,” Nina said.
Zeke shook his head slowly. “No. I haven’t thought of you as a sister ever. You were the woman I wanted in my bed. The woman I wished was mine. The woman I thought about when I jerked off. You were never a sister to me. Not even close, Nina.”
“Oh,” she whispered.
“As for you thinking I would have something going on with Berkeley and sharing a bed with you, tasting you, getting you on your knees… I don’t even know what to say about that. That’s not who I am. I don’t fuck around on women. I have never been involved with more than one woman at a time.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“Yeah, you did. You thought that little of me. You asked me before and you still thought it.” Zeke shook his head and went to the kitchen, needing the space from her.
“Zeke.”
“It’s okay. You don’t know me. Not really. Not anymore. We may as well be strangers.”
“I do know you, Zeke. I just… I’ve never been allowed to be jealous before.”
“You have no reason to be jealous now. Not with me. You’re the only woman I see, Nina. You’re the only one I want in my bed. The only one I’ve been dreaming about fucking every night since I can remember.”
“Zeke.” She took a step closer, pausing until he met her gaze. She moved toward him slowly.
His heart beat faster with each step she took. He wanted to carry her to his bed and show her exactly how he felt. He wanted her to forget every other man who fucked her and only feel him for the rest of her life. But possessing her wasn’t for her. It was for him.
“I want you, Zeke.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want your pity or guilt or whatever this is. I’m not that guy either.”
“Why are you making this so hard?”
Zeke sighed. “I’m not making anything hard, Nina. I’m trying to be honest with you. I’m trying to tell you who I am. I’m not involved with Berkeley. And if I was, I would have told you the first time you asked if there was someone else and I would not be involved with you. Mont was a dick earlier, and I was making sure she was okay. Because he can be that way with her. Especially when she talks about dating. I don’t get it, but tonight was worse than usual. I was asking her if she was okay.”
“I think my brother’s in love with her.”
Zeke shook his head. “That’s not it. He counts on her for everything. He’s not going to mess that up by getting involved with her.”
“I don’t think people control who they love. But what do I know? I’ve been an unpaid prostitute my entire adult life.”
Zeke inhaled sharply. He closed his eyes and tried not to picture Nina and Robert together.
He failed.
A hand on his arm had his eyes opening. Nina was right there in front of him, looking up at him. “I’m sorry I thought you and Berkeley were involved. You looked… intimate. Close. Like there was more going on than I knew, and after the way Monty was acting, I realized how little I know about either of you and your lives since I’ve been gone. I… I’ve carried a lot of regrets. I didn’t think coming back was going to be easy, but I didn’t mean to blow up your lives.”
“You didn’t, angel. Having you here is the best thing to ever happen.” Zeke pulled her into his arms and held her close, absorbing the shudder that raced through her.
“I wish I’d never left,” she whispered.
“Me, too. But you’re here now.”
She nodded.
“As for Mont, I think he carried a lot more guilt than I realized. He blamed himself for not protecting you. He built Rose Protection Agency so others had someone there for them, like you didn’t.”
“I thought I did.”
Zeke nodded. “I get it. But we didn’t know that. You just didn’t come home. We thought something happened, and twelve years is a long time to wonder and worry, and he’s struggling.”
“Do you think I should do something? Is there something that would help?”
Zeke shook his head. “Just don’t give up on him. And stop saying you wish you’d never come back. It doesn’t matter what it does, we want you here.”
Nina nodded.
“What do you want to do with the rest of the day?”
“Don’t you have to work?”
Zeke shook his head. “I’m not leaving you. Things are being handled at work. It’ll be fine.”
“But you would normally be there?”
Zeke nodded. “Mont and I are both pretty much always at work. Neither of us had anything to go home for.”
A meow argued with his statement.
Zeke chuckled and looked down at Gene. “Did you enjoy your shower, you weird thing?”
“He does that to you, too?” Nina asked.
Zeke leaned down and scooped up Gene. He held the cat like a baby and rubbed his belly. “Yeah. I don’t know why. He seems to like the water.”
“I always thought cats hated water.”
Zeke nodded. “Not this one. Franklin will howl like he’s being murdered if you get water on him.”
Nina looked around, spotting Franklin on the back of the couch. She walked over and rubbed his head, getting a nuzzle for her efforts. “I think this is a pretty perfect day. Cats and you.”
His heart squeezed. He wanted the same. Forever. “I’ll make popcorn. You find something to watch.”
“Is he dead?” Gwendolyn asked Fernando when he walked into the room she was using as an office. It sucked, but she had no choice.
Fernando nodded. “Yes. Did exactly what he was supposed to do.”
“Good. I can’t risk someone else telling the FBI anything.”
“Do you think she’ll take the bait?” Fernando asked.
Gwendolyn knew it was a risk to send ‘Robert’ to see Nina. When she heard Nina and Frannie were at the coffeeshop, Gwendolyn wanted to go herself. It was obviously a trap, but it was a damn good one. “I wouldn’t have taken the risk and sent him if I thought she wouldn’t.”
Fernando nodded. “Do we need to do anything?”
Gwendolyn grinned. “Get her room ready. She won’t get away again.”
Nina could barely stay on her side of the couch by the time Zeke made dinner and they started season three of a show she’d never heard of but was absolutely in love with. But no matter how good the show was, she was entirely focused on Zeke. Every touch on her thigh, every glance he thought she didn’t see, every shift of his body to draw him closer to her.
She wasn’t lying when she said she wanted him. Resisting him was a challenge for her, and having him right there, his scent wrapping around her and his heat burning into her, she was failing at keeping her mind on the movie instead of how good he felt with his tongue on her body and his dick in her mouth.
“Do you need anything?” Zeke asked, grabbing his glass and standing.
“You.”
Zeke stopped for half a second, then continued to the kitchen. He refilled his glass, then returned to the couch. His hand went to her thigh again, keeping her close. “I’ve never been in a relationship.”
Nina looked over at him. He was staring at the TV, but what he was telling her was important.
“I dated a few girls in high school and before the military, but I was always waiting.” He cut himself off.
“What were you waiting for?” she whispered.
“You.”
He met her gaze, and her breath stopped.
“I wanted you, Nina. I was so gone for you, I couldn’t bring myself to get involved with anyone else. Not seriously. A night or two, and I would stop calling. I always felt like I was cheating on you, even though you had no idea. When you left… I never shook that feeling.”
“Zeke.”
“I need you to understand that when you say you want me, it’s a fantasy I’ve had for most of my life. But I don’t know what Montgomery is going to say. I never told him. All he knows is I’ve never been able to commit to a woman. He’s going to tell you to stay away from me.”
“I won’t listen.”
Zeke squeezed her thigh. “You might, but either way, I want you to hear all of this from me. I want you to know why I’ve never committed to anyone else. It’s always been you. But I can’t promise I’ll always do the right thing. I can’t tell you I know what the right thing is. What I do know is I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, whether you want me the same way or not. You are important to me, Nina. You are the most important person to me. Sitting in that van today and listening to all of that…”
Nina swallowed and waited for Zeke to reject her. For him to tell her it was too much and no matter what he felt for her before, it all changed after that.
“Listening to all of that made me want to rush in there and tear that fucker to pieces with my bare hands.”
“What? He was telling the truth. He was telling you who I was.”
Zeke tucked her hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her neck. “No, angel. He was telling me who you had to be. He wasn’t telling me who you are. When we’re in life and death situations, we can’t be rational. It’s instinct.”
“Have you been in those situations?”
Zeke nodded. “Mont and I saw some bad shit. Did some bad shit. I know we had to, to protect our country and to save lives, but it wasn’t easy. What we do now isn’t always easy either. We are protecting people from others who want them dead. Our hands are not clean.”
“You’re helping people. You’re heroes.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.”
“You are,” Nina insisted. “You have no idea how good of a man you are. How happy it makes me to know you haven’t changed. That you’re still someone who will protect others the way you always did for me when we were younger.”
“I’ll always protect you, Nina. If you ever need me, I will always come for you.”
“I need you now, Zeke. I want you to love me. I want to feel you inside me and erase all the others. To take back what they stole from me.”
He inhaled deeply, holding his breath as he leaned his forehead against hers. “Are you sure you’re ready for that, angel?”
“With you? Yes, Zeke. Please.”
“You know I can’t say no to you.”
“Then don’t. Love me, Zeke. Make love to me. Show me how good it can be.”
He nodded and stood, reaching for her hand.
She let him help her up and laughed when he tugged her into his arms.
He hugged her tight, his hands wrapping around her and covering her back. He buried his nose in her hair and held her for a long moment.
When he pulled back, he didn’t hurry to drag her upstairs. He took his time, walking around the house and making sure everything was locked, lights and TV were off, and the cats were good for the night. He met her at the bottom of the stairs and kissed her again, his warm lips soft against hers instead of demanding.
Tears welled up in her eyes. This was what her first time should have been like. A man who cared. A man who cherished her.
Zeke took her hand and turned her to go up the stairs first, staying close enough to keep her hand in his. When they made it to his room, he turned the light on inside the room, then turned the stairwell light off. He closed the bedroom door and walked to the bathroom to turn that light on, always making sure they weren’t in the darkness.
He pulled the bathroom door mostly closed, then turned off the bedroom light. Nina stood next to the bed and watched him. She wanted to get her hands on him, to feel his warmth and strength. She was nervous, more nervous than she thought she’d be. She wanted him, but it was different from all her other experiences.
Would he enjoy himself? Would he still want her afterward?
He stopped in front of her, tilting her chin slowly until she met his gaze. “You say stop or no or anything, and I stop. You understand me?”
“Yes. I will do the same.”
He chuckled. “Oh, angel, I’m never going to say no to you. And I’ll never want you to stop.”
The truth of his words scraped over all her vulnerable parts, healing pieces of her she never wanted to admit were so raw. She swallowed roughly, something he noticed with his hand on her jaw.
“What is it?”
She tried to smile. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“You never could.” He moved closer to her. “Can I kiss you, Nina?”
She nodded, and he leaned down, giving her more than enough time to stop him.
His lips landed on hers in a gentle touch, feather-light, like he wasn’t sure she was really on board. His erection nestled against her stomach, and her breath faltered with her inhale.
His kisses were soft and sweet, barely more than the kiss she would give her brother but so much more intimate. So much more everything because it was Zeke.
He parted his lips and brushed his tongue over her lips. When she opened for him, he sighed and brought her body against his. His hands cradled her back, not rushing them to anything else.
Nina didn’t know how to handle his delicate touches and his slow pace. She’d never had time. She’d never been allowed to savor a man. Never wanted to. But that was what it felt like. Zeke was savoring their time. He was enjoying every second of it.
And so was she.
He lifted the back of her shirt, his warm hand touching her bare skin as a moan escaped her throat. He inhaled past her cheek, the rush of cold air a contrast to the heat of the rest of him. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss, twirling his tongue around hers without retreating.
His hands moved higher, then a groan had him pulling back. “No bra?”
She shook her head. “I wanted to be comfortable.”
“It was tempting to see you in my sweatshirt and pants all day, but to know your bare breasts were brushing against the fabric makes me crazy, Nina.”
“Is it okay?”
“Also-fucking-lutely, angel. Anything I have is yours.” He brought his hands around to her front as he spoke, teasing the underside of her breasts. “Can I take it off?”
She nodded, moving to help him take the sweatshirt off.
He groaned and cupped both breasts, bringing them together and ducking to take both nipples into his mouth at the same time.
She whimpered at the feel of him. It didn’t matter that she’d been naked with him already, or that he’d touched her all over, it was different. It was sensual and teasing and made her feel worthy.
He kissed down her stomach and dropped to his knees. He wrapped both arms around her and hugged her to him, his head against her belly. “Thank you for coming back to me, Nina.”
“Thank you for answering my call. And coming to get me.”
Zeke kissed her stomach, then swirled his tongue in her bellybutton.
She gasped at the way the simple move made her tremble. Everything Zeke did seemed to have that effect on her.
“Can I take off your pants?” he whispered against her bellybutton.
“Yes.”
He hooked his fingers in the waistband and grabbed her panties with the lounge pants. “Panties, too?”
“Yes.”
He eased both down her legs, letting them fall to the floor at her feet. She stepped out of them, and he tossed both to the side, leaving her completely naked in the middle of his bedroom. “You’re so beautiful, Nina. God, I’m so lucky to be here with you. Thank you.”
“I’m the lucky one,” she replied.
He kissed her thigh and shook his head. “No, angel, I am. I’ve waited for this day for longer than I care to think about. And if today isn’t the day I make love to you, that’s okay. I can keep waiting.”
“I want you to, Zeke. Please.”
“I’m going to enjoy every second of tonight, Nina. We don’t need to rush.”
“I want you.”
“I’m right here, angel. Lay on the bed and spread these legs for me. It’s been too long since I had my mouth on you.”
She hurried to the bed and did as he asked. He crawled over to her, his gaze on her body and sending heat all over her. Moisture pooled between her thighs and dripped from her body before he made it to her.
He slid a finger into her, catching the wetness. “You’re ready for me, huh?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Oh, this is going to be so much fun.” His mouth was on her as soon as his whispered words stopped.
Nina gasped and shook with the power of his tongue against her clit. Her hips rose to meet his face, and he growled in approval. His finger pumped into her, a second one quickly joining the first, and Nina stopped thinking about what came after. Tonight was all about Zeke.