5. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Leo absentmindedly plays with my hair as I squirt some toothpaste on his toothbrush.
He pulls a strand and I wince. “Ow, that hurts, Leo. Don’t do that.”
Leo giggles mischievously as he lets go of my hair. “Sorry, mommy.”
He’s been getting a little rough in his interactions lately. I hate the influence my deadbeat ex has on my son.
When I picked him up from school earlier today, his uniform was stained with dirt, and his teacher complained to me that he is beginning to display a few unusual habits like pulling his friends' hair, scratching, and biting.
Right now, he looks perfectly fine. He’s as cute as ever, dressed in his Paw Patrol onesie, as he animatedly brushes his teeth with me in front of the mirror. But I’m a little worried about these habits he has picked up.
Is this a result of spending time at his father’s place? Do they do things like this in front of him? Am I overthinking it? This shouldn’t be too much of a surprise for kids his age, right?
I spit out the froth into the sink and Leo mimics me. I feed him some water so he can rinse his mouth and then I lead him to bed.
I pull his blanket over his chest and sit next to him.
“Leo, your teacher told me you made some trouble with your friends today. Is that true?”
He squints in guilt. “I didn’t do anything.”
I smile and caress his cheek. “Tell me the truth, honey. Mommy won’t be mad at you.”
“Ben and Ella were talking about their grandpa, grandma, uncle, and aunty. I said I didn’t have mine and they laughed at me.”
I bite my lip to prevent it from trembling. “You have a grandpa, Leo. And a grandma and an uncle and an aunty.”
My heart squeezes at the sudden hope that gleams in his eyes.
“Really?”
“Of course, you do,” I smile. “They just… live very far away.”
I hate lying to him, but this is necessary. How am I supposed to explain to my five-year-old that his birth was one of the reasons why his so-called grandparents disowned me and cast me out of the family?
“Am I going to see them one day?”
My smile grows tight. I shouldn’t give him any hope because the chances of that happening are zero to none.
Still, I nod like he’ll see them tomorrow. “Of course, you will. They’ll be happy to see you too.”
Leo smiles like I’ve just told him the happiest news of his life. I try not to cry in front of him, so I get to my feet.
But his voice stops me again.
“Mommy, you haven’t read me a bedtime story.”
“Yes,” I clear my throat, wanting to kick myself for forgetting something so crucial to him. He never gets any good sleep without a bedtime story. “I’ll do that right now.”
“Fara doesn’t read me a bedtime story,” He informs me as I sit on his bed again.
My ears perk up at the sound of her name. “She doesn’t?”
Leo slowly shakes his head.
Anger bubbles in my guts. I remind her and Ethan about how important it is to read him to bed every night. I write it in every goddamn note and every message I send to them.
I place a kiss on his forehead. “Don’t worry. Mommy will always read you a bedtime story, okay?”
He smiles and nods. So, I read him a story until he slowly falls asleep.
I shut his door gently, before making my way to the dining where my laptop lies open from what I’d been working on earlier.
Different thoughts race through my head. From the estranged Donovan family to Fara and Ethan and the lawsuit.
The light that had shone in Leo’s eyes when I told him he’d see his grandparents soon is the kind I never want to leave his eyes.
As false as my promises were, I’d do anything to keep the hope in him alive. Anything to make him happy.
And if meeting his extended family will make him happy, then I’ll do anything to make that happen. Even if they might not want to meet him.
So, despite the pulsing headache in my temples, I sit in front of my laptop and look up Jared and Elizabeth Donovan.
My family may still be in the middle class when it comes to the societal ladder, but they’ve always struggled to make a name for themselves no matter what.
Also, I’m too much of a coward to pick up my phone and dial any of their numbers. They did everything possible to completely cut me off from them, so I have no doubts that they still have me blocked.
The faces of my parents flood the screen of my laptop under an article that highlights the recent contribution of their company to a charity.
My father founded the company just a year before I was disowned. Compared to the last time I heard anything about it, it is doing progressively well these days.
I zoom in on a group picture of my family at the very bottom of the article. I stare at the smiling faces of my dad, mom, and my twin siblings – Ella and John.
My chest hurts at the perfection of the photo. Each time I thought of them, I had always hoped my absence would leave a void amongst them. But staring at this photo now makes me realize just how mistaken I was.
When I imagine myself in the photo, I see nothing but a flaw. A mistake in Jared and Elizabeth’s union. A disgrace.
My father’s last words to me echo in my ears.
You’re nothing but a disgrace to the family, Hailey. All you’re good at is disappointing your mother and I. You’ve stained the family’s name and now you’re cut off. Today is one of those days when I regret having you.
My chin wobbles as I close the search tab, successfully ripping their faces away from my laptop screen.
Regret buzzes in my bones as I brew myself some coffee.
Don’t let them get to you, Hailey. Remember you’re doing this for Leo. Not for you.
For the next few hours, I distract myself with coffee and work. I blame the persistent headache on the late night coffee, but when one sneeze turns into chain reaction, I know I’ve caught a cold.
It was two nights ago that I subjected myself to the harsh rain – that was until Matthew picked me up. I’ve also been too busy with work to focus on shielding myself from the cold weather.
I check my room for cold tablets but I’m met with an empty jar.
“Shit,” I sneeze as I glance at the clock. It’s almost 2 am, which means chemist shops would be closed already.
I can’t sleep off like this. We have an outdoor photoshoot at work later today and I can’t show up and be effective if I’m down with a cold.
When I think of work, I think of Matthew and then I remember that he’s literally next door.
Trust me, the last thing I like to do is ask Matthew for help. But this is important, so I have no choice but to.
Without thinking too much about it, I exit the living room and stand in front of his door. The lights in the hallway are much dimmer at this time of the night and my footsteps break the pregnant silence down the hall.
Just as I’m about to ring his doorbell, hesitation swoops through me and I sneeze.
What if he’s not awake? What if he’s not alone? What if he’s got a woman with him in there right now? What if he’s fucking her on the same bed that he did me?
The thought of a woman cooped up with him on his bed makes my insides churn. It’s a funny, weird feeling. A feeling that leaves tiny pricks of jealousy on my skin.
In a matter of seconds, that feeling grows into irritation and the irritation grows into anger.
I’m still ruminating when his door suddenly rips open.
Matthew emerges from the dim lighting in his living room in a grey cashmere sweater and pair of matching sweatpants hanging low on his hips.
His hair sticks out at every end and a pair of reading glasses rests on the bridge of his nose.
I’m not sure why he looks this good at this time of the night or why it makes me feel funny on the inside.
Matthew shoves his hands into his pockets and tilts his head to look at me. “This is an oddly interesting time to seek my attention.”
I roll my eyes but my intended snarky remark turns out to be a horrendous sneeze.
“Looks like someone’s got a cold,” he says with a shit-eating grin. “You’re here for a good source of warmth?”
I shove past him. “I’m here for some cold tablets. I hope I’m not intruding on anything important.”
Matthew leads me to his kitchen. “Elaborate.” He says even though he knows exactly what I’m talking about.
I start to speak, but then I notice a black scarf sitting neatly folded at the edge of the kitchen island. There’s nothing about the scarf that makes me believe it belongs to him.
That familiar irritation burns in my chest. “I didn’t know you wore scarves.”
Matthew turns to look at me. He’s holding the jar of tablets in his hand with an amused look in his eyes as his gaze shifts to my pointed gaze on the scarf.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he says. “But I don’t wear scarves. That’s not mine.”
My spine straightens. “So, I was right then. I am intruding on something.” Then I risk a glance at his bedroom door. “Or was.”
“Why do you sound annoyed?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I sneeze. “Maybe because I’m uncomfortable about ruining someone else’s privacy? Why don’t you just give me the tablets so I can leave and you can get back to whatever business you had going on?”
He’s smiling as he comes to stand in front of me. Under the glow of his kitchen, the greens in his eyes stand out and it’s when he stands this close to me that I realize just how much taller he is than I am.
“If I didn’t know any better,” he whispers in my face. “I’d say you sound you a little jealous.”
I scoff, even though my heartbeat starts to echo in my ears. “You really are full of yourself, Matthew Pierce. When are you ever going to realize that not every woman in the world is in love with you?”
“Who said anything about love, Hailey?”
At that moment, I forget that there might be someone waiting for him in his room. I forget that I might be an intruder and that my initial plan wasn’t to spend up to two minutes in his apartment.
But now that he’s this close to me, I can’t think straight. A suppressed attraction starts to fight its way out of the confines in my chest.
The tip of his nose grazes mine and our eyes are locked to one another like magnets. I can smell the shampoo in his hair and the aftershave on his chin.
The urge to kiss him slams into me like a freight train. It quickens my pulse and tightens my nipples into hard peaks against his chest.
As soon as his lips graze mine, everything slowly starts to blur into the background. All I can hear is my heart slamming against my chest. My blood rushes in my veins and my lips are tingling in anticipation.
“The scarf is yours, Hailey,” he says, his hot breath fanning my lips. “You left it here the other night. There’s no one here except you and I.”
That successfully breaks the trance. I step back like I’ve just been doused in ice water and my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.
“Oh.”
“I was going to give it to you but I forgot.”
“Yeah.” I snatch the scarf from the island and stretch a hand towards him with a ragged breath. “Can I have it now?”
Matthew places the jar in my hands and I retract my fingers before we can touch again.
I’m not sure what’s more humiliating. The fact that I almost crossed the line again by almost kissing him or the fact that he seems completely unaffected by what just happened.
“Thanks,” I murmur absentmindedly before hastily leaving his apartment.
By the time I get inside my house, I lean against the door and bury my face in my hands.
“Oh god,” I groan in frustration. “I think I’m going crazy.”