18. Adrien
ADRIEN
“ A nd she just collapsed like that?” Friedrich said, swilling the cognac in his glass around as Adrien sighed and nodded.
“Right before cutting the ribbon. Thank goodness we were in the hospital and not somewhere else. She says she’s fine, but… I think it’s all getting to be too much for her,” Adrien replied.
He’d needed someone to talk to, and had invited Friedrich to the palace, hoping his friend might have some suggestions as to how to resolve the current situation. He hadn’t told him about the ruse, but he’d revealed the fact of Claire’s doubts — or his fears of them, at least.
“What if she’s pregnant?” Friedrich said.
His words were matter of fact, but they were the words Adrien hadn’t wanted to hear.
He spluttered into his drink. He’d thought as much himself — the possibility, at least. But if Claire was pregnant, that would change everything.
He could see the headlines now and hear his mother’s voice as she admonished him for his stupidity.
“A baby out of wedlock means scandal,” she’d once told him.
“She could be. But I… I hope not,” Adrien said.
Friedrich shrugged. “So what if she is? You’re getting married, aren’t you?”
Adrien nodded. Had the marriage been one of conventional arrangement, it mightn’t have mattered.
A few weeks here or there was nothing. There’d be some speculation, but the world had moved on.
It wouldn’t have mattered if it was real.
But the fact it wasn’t real — not yet, at least — did matter.
Would Claire even want a baby? Adrien knew he was dragging his heels when it came to the restaurant, and now he felt guilty at the thought of having done something else to prevent the dream Claire so longed for from coming true.
“But I don’t know if she wants… a baby.”
“Don’t all women want babies?” Friedrich replied.
Adrien wasn’t finding his friend’s words particularly reassuring.
He didn’t even know if Claire was pregnant.
He hadn’t asked her, and she hadn’t told him.
Was she worried as to how he’d react? If she was pregnant, Adrien wanted to support her, and to be a good father, too.
But if Claire had decided she didn’t want them to be married…
“I’m going to go and talk to her,” Adrien said, finishing his glass of cognac in a swift gulp.
Friedrich nodded. “All right. Let me know how it goes. I should be going anyway,” he replied.
Having said goodbye to his friend, Adrien made his way to Claire’s apartment.
He wasn’t sure quite how to broach the subject of whether she was pregnant or not.
Could he just ask her like that? It seemed rude, even as they were supposed to be on the most intimate of terms. Knocking at the door, he waited.
There was no answer, but turning the handle, he found the door opened, though there was no sign of Claire or anyone else inside.
“Claire?” he called out, thinking she might perhaps be in the bathroom.
But she wasn’t there, and Adrien felt foolish for having worked himself up into such a frenzy when now there was no chance of saying what he’d rehearsed.
It was as he was about to leave he spied the diary.
Claire was meticulous in keeping it — every night, without fail.
For a moment, Adrien wondered if he should look.
That’s awful. You’re not like that.
Holding back, he knew it was wrong, and sighing, he turned to leave.
But curiosity now got the better of him, and approaching the bed, he opened the drawer in the cabinet next to it.
He didn’t know what he was looking for, but, as he rummaged inside, his gaze fell on a box.
It was a pregnancy test, and his heart skipped a beat as he picked it up.
The box was open, the test had been used, and holding it up, he realized it was positive.
At that moment, he heard footsteps on the corridor, and, in his haste to replace the test, he dropped it, kicking it under the bed by accident and scrabbling to retrieve it, just as Claire entered the room.
“What are you doing?!” she exclaimed, as Adrien scrambled to his feet.
“I… it was nothing, I just… there was… I had to…” he stammered, but there were no words to excuse his behavior. He’d been caught snooping, and it was far better to own up than to tell a lie. “I just… I was worried about you, and I thought perhaps you might be… pregnant.”
The expression on Claire’s face changed. She sighed — realizing, perhaps, she’d been caught out, too. Approaching the bed, she leaned down, retrieving the pregnancy test, and nodded.
“Well, I won’t deny it. It seems so, at least,” she said, holding it up for him to see.
It was Adrien’s worst nightmare. At least, it had been in the past. But now, the prospect was more confusing than terrifying. If Claire was pregnant, then Adrien was glad of it — as long as she was. A baby meant something serious…
“Affairs are one thing, but a pregnancy changes everything. Be careful,” his father had once warned him, echoing his mother’s words.
There’d been scares in the past — a woman who’d claimed she was pregnant by Adrien, only for her claims to be proved false when a monetary demand was countered by a paternity test. Adrien had always been aware of the danger, and he’d thought he and Claire had been safe…
“Well… I suppose… how do you feel?” he asked.
He didn’t want her to think he was worried, nor did he want it to seem as though he didn’t care.
But a baby changed everything. A kid meant an heir.
Recent attempts to modernize the monarchy had resulted in changes to the hereditary laws.
Boy or girl, the firstborn would inherit the throne.
Had it been a one-night stand, or a vacation fling, Adrien might’ve tried to hide the matter, to bury the prospect with money.
But this was different. The marriage was announced, and what had been meant as an attempt to extract himself from a forced engagement had now become something… serious.
“Tired,” Claire said. “I know why I fainted at the hospital. I missed my period.”
“I’m… I’m sorry,” Adrien replied.
He didn’t really know what he was apologizing for, but it felt as though he’d done something wrong — tying her to him, even as she would’ve preferred for them to go their separate ways.
His feelings for her were growing stronger by the day, but would she really want to have his baby?
He was regretting the nights they’d spent together — why hadn’t he been more careful?
“It takes two,” she said, shrugging, as she tossed the pregnancy test onto the bed.
It was hard to tell how she was feeling. Was she angry with him? Resigned? Or was she happy?
“I know, but… a baby. You know what it means, don’t you?” he said.
Claire gave him a look and rolled her eyes. “I know what being pregnant means, yes. It’s taking a while to get used to. I suppose… well, do we have to tell your parents? Does it make a difference?”
Adrien didn’t want to patronize her. He hadn’t meant it literally.
But, as with so much else, the fact of his position complicated what should’ve been a normal and joyous realization.
For the ordinary couple, whether married or not, the news of a baby brought happiness. But for Adrien, far more was at stake.
“We can’t tell them, no. Not yet. It’s… well, a baby complicates things. We can’t be seen to have a baby out of wedlock. It’s just not what’s expected. You know how it’ll be — all the things they’ll write about us,” he said.
“So you want me to get rid of it? I won’t do that, Adrien. I couldn’t,” Claire exclaimed, but Adrien shook his head, putting his hands on her shoulders.
“No, no, I didn’t mean that. Please… we’re in this together. I couldn’t imagine… I want you to have it. But it’s all come as something of a shock. We’ve got to think how to manage it.”
Again, she gave him a look.
“Manage it? It’s a baby — a new life. It’s not something to be managed. We’re going to have a baby, Adrien. That changes everything.”
Adrien nodded. He wasn’t thinking properly.
It was all too much. He didn’t want Claire to feel he was managing her, but that was exactly what would happen if his parents found out she was pregnant.
Adrien’s life wasn’t his own. Since birth, other people had decided things for him.
It was why he’d so often rebelled. But with Claire, things were different.
He wanted to settle down — to prove he could be different.
He’d planned to ask her to marry him for real, but the discovery of the pregnancy held him back.
It should’ve spurned him on, but he was beginning to doubt her feelings for him, and whether they’d be reciprocated.
“I know… and I want to support you in every way I can,” he said.
It sounded so trite.
“You make it sound like it’s a dirty secret,” she replied.
There was a sadness in her eyes, and Adrien felt a surge of guilt for what he’d done to her.
It had been like a game at first — like something he’d do with any other woman in the past. Exciting and alluring.
But it wasn’t a game. It was serious. He didn’t want her to be a dirty secret.
There was nothing secret about the way he felt.
“No, please… that’s not true. Not for a moment. I don’t think that. But we’ve got to be careful. Does anyone else know?”
Claire shook her head. “I asked Esme to get the test. But I trust her. She’s worked for the royal family her whole life.”
Adrien nodded. He knew Esme wouldn’t say anything, but royal watchers would soon be suspicious. Adrien had already seen something on his phone about Claire’s collapse at the hospital, with the words “morning sickness” linked below.
“You need to rest. That’s the most important thing.”
“And stay out of sight, you mean?” Claire replied.
“No, I don’t mean it like that. Please, Claire… I want you to understand how I feel. This isn’t a game to me anymore. I know a baby isn’t what we planned, and perhaps it means putting the restaurant on hold for a while…”
At these words, she turned away, raising her hand to her face as though fighting back tears.
He put his hand out to touch her — he wanted to put his arms around her, to tell her it would be all right, that they’d get through it together.
He wanted to tell her he was falling in love with her — that what had happened between them on the yacht, and over the past few weeks meant something to him. But he’d already said the wrong thing.
“That’s my dream, Adrien. I know it didn’t mean much to you. A small price to pay for a pretense. But it meant something to me. We’re both to blame for this,” she said, placing her hand on her stomach.
“But it does mean something to me. You mean something to me. Don’t you see that?” he said.
For a moment, she avoided his gaze, and took her hand in his, raising it to his lips.
He wanted her to understand how he felt — how she made him feel.
No other woman had ever made him feel like this.
With Claire, he was himself. There was nothing strained or on show. She’d brought out the best in him.
“I’ve got to think about this… I need some time,” she said.
Adrien nodded. He didn’t want to pressure her. She’d given up so much for him, and with the prospect of her own dreams faltering, Adrien knew he had no right to demand anything of her.
“And you’ll have it. I won’t ask anything more. I’ll go now,” he said.
She made no attempt to stop him, and, with a heavy heart, he left the apartment, fighting back the tears in his eyes.
He’d never imagined he’d feel this way, but, with so much now at stake, Adrien realized his feelings would only grow stronger, even as it seemed Claire was drifting ever further away.