Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Soren: I assume you’re emotionally stable now.
Winnifred: Define stable.
Winnifred: I wouldn’t take Fifi away—she needs both parents to raise her. By the way, the Halloween photos just went semi-viral.
Soren: How semi?
Winnifred: Like, “a lifestyle blogger added us to her mood board” semi.
Soren: Does this mean we won Halloween?
Winnifred: Probably. I knew the lobsters would work.
Soren: So, what’s your week going to look like?
Winnifred: I’ll be frosting cupcakes tomorrow.
Soren: I’d help, but I’m in a meeting about shipping logistics.
Winnifred: Trade you. You take the piping bags. I’ll take international freight.
Soren: Helena posted a reel calling us “autumn soulmates.”
Winnifred: Send link. I need new proof for the vision board.
Soren: We have enough.
Winnifred: It’s never enough when you want to reach fake perfection. Also, thank you for the basket of Halloween candy.
Soren: It’s the least I can do when we’ve been apart for so long, and you’re alone caring for our baby ficus.
Winnifred: Fifi, her name is Fifi. We had to name her, or she would’ve developed a complex. Also, I need three pics of us smiling and one of us looking like we just got engaged.
Soren: For what?
Winnifred: Mom wants them. I told her to wait for our photo shoot, but she keeps nagging. She needs something to circulate on Winterberry’s social media. This gives me Howler points.
Soren: Can you just send a picture of the ficus? By the way, you haven’t said anything about the plane ticket.
Winnifred: Because I’m ignoring it. I’ll fly coach.
Soren: You’re flying first class. It’s efficient.
Winnifred: It’s emotionally manipulative and exactly the kind of thing my fake boyfriend would do to win me back.
Soren: We haven’t broken up.
Winnifred: Exactly. So, what are you planning to do that requires future groveling?
Soren: You’re spiraling.
Winnifred: You’re deflecting.
Soren: You’re inventing a breakup just so you can be right about how badly I’ll apologize.
Winnifred: I like to be prepared. For damage control. Emotional triage. The whole theatrical aftermath.
Soren: Win. You’re already planning the apology tour, and I haven’t even fucked up yet.
Winnifred: Yet.
Soren: There’s no breakup.
Winnifred: Fine, but I’m still not flying first class.
Soren: You want me to get you a charter—remember the footprints?
Winnifred: Carbon footprint, and fine, if this will help the environment, I’m in. Are you still using your ridiculous plane?
Soren: I haven’t flown.
Winnifred: Right, you won’t be back until it’s time for Friendsgiving.
Soren: And the pictures, don’t forget the pictures.
Winnifred: I can’t wait to see you . . . unless you video call me again at four in the morning.
Soren: It won’t happen again. I will call when it’s daylight.
Winnifred: That’s why you’re my favorite fake-boyfriend.
Soren: Do you think we’re still faking it?
Winnifred: Ask me again after I land in Boston.
Soren: I’ll be texting and calling before then.
Winnifred: Yes, but we won’t discuss our little arrangement now, will we?
Soren: Fair, talk soon.