Chapter 7 #2
But it had nothing to do with what I was doing and everything to do with who I was doing it with.
Harper Bennett.
I never could have imagined having this moment.
I led her to the edge of the plaza, away from the crowd gathered directly in front of the town’s Christmas tree. There was a small retaining wall that I helped Harper jump on before climbing up next to her.
“Is this okay?” I took her hand again once I was next to her.
She glanced down at our hands, but didn’t pull away. “This is a great spot,” she said. “How did you—”
“Would you be surprised if I told you that I’d helped them build this wall a few years back?”
“No.” She laughed. “That wouldn’t surprise me at all.”
The countdown began, voices rising all around us, and for a moment, I just let myself look at her. The lights from the plaza reflected in her eyes; the snow dusted her knit cap and her shoulders. She looked exactly like she belonged there in the moment with me. As if she’d never left.
As if the last fifteen years apart had never happened.
The numbers dropped.
Five… Four…
Instinct kicked in. I slid my arm around her and pulled her back against my chest, steadying her as she looked up.
“Grayson,” she whispered.
Two… One…
The tree flared to life, lights cascading up the branches in a kaleidoscope of colors against the night sky. There was a surge of emotion at the sight of it.
All around us, the crowd cheered, but I barely heard them. All I could hear was Harper’s exclamations as she took in the splendor of the tree.
“It’s incredible.” She twisted her head to look at me. “You did this?”
I nodded, unable to speak with her lips so close to mine.
“It’s amazing, Gray.”
“You’re amazing.” Her eyes narrowed in confusion, and I regretted the slip the moment it left my lips.
This wasn’t real. Just because my own feelings might not have ever completely disappeared didn’t mean I needed to complicate the situation more than it already was.
“I mean, it needs to look real, right?” I added.
She nodded, but I could see the uncertainty in her eyes.
My throat went tight. I did the only thing I could. I lifted my gloved hand to her cheek and spun her gently until she was up against me. I bent my head and pressed my lips to hers. It was just enough to send sparks racing through me.
The band started to play, and I pulled back to see couples moving into the empty space in front of the tree to dance.
Before I could think better of it, I stepped back slightly. “Dance with me.”
“Here?” She looked down at the small platform we stood on. “Now?”
“Yes,” I said. “It’s what people would expect, right?”
She nodded.
“Besides, your grandma will be able to see us pretty clearly if she looks over.”
Harper’s brows lifted, and a hint of a smile tugged at her lips. “Okay.”
She slipped her hand to my shoulder, letting me draw her into the rhythm of the song.
Her body fit against mine the way it always had. But different, too. Because we were different. Time had changed us.
Moving with her to the beat of the music took me right back to the last time I’d danced with her like this.
Graduation night. It was supposed to be the best night of our young lives.
Our futures were so bright, and we had the rest of our lives stretched out before us.
It should have been a night for celebration and excitement.
Instead, it had been the night I’d blown it all up.
I tried to push the memories from my mind and focus on the moment. I inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her. I focused on the feel of her in my arms, the warmth of her cheek against my chest.
Still, the memories flooded back so vividly that it was almost painful.
Her pale-blue dress made her eyes look brighter than I’d ever seen them.
Her dark hair was curled and piled into a fancy twist on top of her head, with just a few strands falling over her cheeks.
We’d swayed together under the gym lights all night.
I’d let myself believe that she was my future. It was perfect.
Until she told me that she’d been accepted to culinary school in Paris. The school that had been a long shot for acceptance. When she’d told me she was applying, she’d also told me they only accepted a handful of international students every year, and she didn’t really expect to get in.
We’d planned to go to school in the city. Together.
I hadn’t given any thought to the application or what her acceptance would mean. Until that moment.
“I won’t go if you don’t want me to, Gray.” She’d looked up at me with so much love in her eyes, and that’s when I knew.
Harper had always been destined for more than the small-town life I craved. Ever since we were little, she’d dreamed about traveling and seeing the world. About working in exotic locations, cooking delicious food inspired by all the places she visited.
I’d loved her since I could remember, and I knew she loved me too. More than anything.
Which was why I’d said what I did.
“You should go,” I told her, stepping back and schooling my face into an expressionless mask.
Her face was lined in confusion. “You think I should—”
“Go,” I said again. Releasing her, I tucked my hands in my suit pockets to keep from reaching for her and changing my mind completely. “Why wouldn’t you?”
I knew damn well why she wouldn’t go.
“Grayson.” Her voice shook. “You know why. I love you. I want to be with you.”
I swallowed hard, my heart shattering as I looked at the love of my life in her eyes and lied to her. “Well, I don’t love you,” I said, the words sour on my tongue. “Not enough that you should stay.”
The confusion and hurt in her eyes almost broke me. “Grayson. You don’t mean—”
“I do.”
I didn’t.
“Don’t stay for me, Harper. I don’t feel the same.” I forced a rough laugh out and then said the words I knew would clinch it. “This was never real, Harper. Did you think it was?”
I would never forget the pain on her face, and the way the tears streamed unchecked down her cheeks before she tugged her promise ring off her left hand.
The same ring I’d given her almost a year earlier, when I declared my love for her and promised that one day I would replace it with the diamond she deserved.
“I never want to see you again, Grayson Lyons!” She threw the ring at me; it bounced off my chest, clattering to the wooden gym floor. My heart shattered into a million pieces as she pushed past me and ran from the dance.
It was the last time I’d seen her; she’d accepted the spot in culinary school and left a few days later without saying goodbye.
Why would she?
The memory still caused me physical pain. The familiar ache in my chest was present as I danced with Harper under the Christmas lights.
“This is nice.” She looked up at me, completely unaware of the memory playing in my head.
Her eyes sparkled with the reflection of the lights, and for a second, I had to remind myself to breathe.
Nice wasn’t the word I’d use.
Torture, maybe. A gift I didn’t deserve? Definitely.
Dangerous, without a doubt.
I cleared my throat, forcing a smile. “Yeah. It is.”
Her fingers flexed lightly in mine, like she was testing the space between us to see whether I’d pull her closer or let her go.
But I wasn’t ready to let her go. Not yet. Not again.
The music carried us another few beats before someone in the crowd, no doubt one of my brothers, catcalled us.
Harper pulled away with a laugh.
I shook my head and scanned the crowd, my gaze landing on Preston with a dirty look he probably couldn’t see from where he stood.
“That was fun, Gray. Thank you.”
I nodded, but the words stuck in my throat. Because thank you wasn’t what I wanted to say.
Not even close.