Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
Alex
“You’re still blocked.”
The words echo in my head on the cab drive back to my apartment. I just spent the most amazing night with the only woman who will ever mean anything to me, and she pretty much threw me out right after.
Actually, no, it wasn’t right after. Once we were done, I fell on the bed next to her. I blindly reached for her and pulled her into me. She came with no protest, her body fitting perfectly against mine.
Sex with Mona has always been an experience onto itself.
Every time we parted, when we came back together, we reached a new level of pleasure that neither one of us thought was possible.
It was addictive, and I became obsessed with the taste and scent of her.
Not claiming her as mine is uncomprehensible.
Then why do you keep on breaking up with her, dude?
The voice in my head sounds too much like Kyle.
He would definitely ask me that if he knew what was going on through my mind.
I’ve never been the type to confide in people, and even if I was, Kyle’s never been known to give sound advice.
I will say, though, that ever since he and Zara became a thing, it’s like he got smart in all the things when it came to relationships.
Reacting solely on instinct, I pick up my phone to call him.
Just as I am about to tap on his name, the cab pulls in front of my apartment building.
I pay and get out, but two steps into it, guilt eats at me.
I turn around and march back to the side of the driver just as he is about to take off.
When I tap onto his window, he gives me a blank look, which then turns into a sort of an angry but worried frown.
“May I help you?” he asks through the barely cracked window.
I reach into the pocket of my jeans and pull out some cash. I almost hand over the entire wad I have in there but then change my mind. I grab a ten and slide it to him through the crack.
“I forgot to tip you.”
This is not something I normally do. In my opinion, since the gratuity is included in the cost of the ride, which, by the way, is not exactly cheap, I shouldn’t have to tip as well.
The driver snatches the ten dollar bill from my grip and looks at it with a puzzled look.
“Ten dollars?” By the tone of his voice, I’d say that he doesn’t sound impressed. “Thanks, man, it’ll keep the lights on.”
I take a step back and he drives off before I get the chance to ask for my money back. The one time I feel generous, and it backfires.
Shaking my head, I once again walk toward the entrance to my building, pushing the door open with a bit more force than the situation warrants. That’s what I get for getting out of my comfort zone.
The incident with the driver is enough to distract me from what I have going on with Mona, but only until I am inside my apartment.
Once the door closes behind me, my eyes fall to the couch where I see the hoodie she’d always wear here right after we’d have sex.
She’d throw it over her naked body and pad to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee.
That was a habit I never understood, especially when she’d drink it at two in the morning.
She attempted to take the hoodie home with her once, but I wouldn’t let her.
“That’s mine,” I growled at her.
She thought I was only teasing, but I was dead serious. I was not the type who would be okay with some girl taking ownership of my things, especially without asking.
Except that she wasn’t just some girl, never had been.
I walk over to the couch and pick up the sweatshirt. It’s folded nicely, which is how Mona left it the last time she was at my apartment.
“Fuck!” I throw it against the wall, but there’s not satisfaction in it when it makes no sound. Instead, it slides down to the floor, laying there in a heap.
I dig my hands into my hair and pull hard as I pace the living room back and forth. My head is an absolute fucking mess. There’s a buzzing noise that drives me mad, making me feel like I am really losing it.
It takes me a minute to realize that the buzz is actually coming from my cell phone and not my damaged brain.
I yank it out of my back pocket, ready to crush it into pieces.
Before doing just that, I glance at the screen only to see a text from Kyle.
It’s like the fucker knows exactly the moment when I might need some help not to jump out the window, even though it’s just a stupid meme that he sent me.
I don’t look at the message. Instead, I call him, since that’s what I was thinking of doing anyway before that cab driver pissed me the fuck off.
“The hell you doing up this late, man?” He sounds really awake when he answers. I guess it makes sense since he comes up with his best work in the wee hours of the morning.
“Just got home,” I admit. Now I only have to wait for him to start grilling me about what I just said.
“It’s after two in the morning!” He doesn’t disappoint. “You were out with some chick, huh?” he teases.
I clench my teeth, anger taking over at hearing him referring to Mona as just some chick. Then I remember that he doesn’t know where I was or with who.
“I was with Mona.” Getting straight to the point seems like a good idea at the moment.
Kyle starts coughing on his end, sounding like he’s possibly chocking on something.
“What the fuck, I just took a sip out of my energy drink.” He coughs some more. “I could’ve died.”
“You’re gonna anyway,” I inform him. “All that garbage you drink will take you out sooner than you think.”
“You were with Mona?” He sounds incredulous. “As in Mona, the girl you recently dumped for like the twentieth time? The one you tricked into a date, then took her chocolate cake away?”
I wince at hearing his words. They sound wrong, and the message is not something I want thrown in my face.
“Are you guys back together?”
It’s a fair question since that’s been the pattern for the last four years. But then I remember her parting words for me earlier tonight.
“You’re still blocked,” she said as she slammed the door in my face.
“We’re not back together.” My voice sounds shaky when I answer Kyle’s question. “We’re…”
I push my hair back, once again at a loss for words. I have no idea what me and Mona are. She threw me out, which was a first, but she didn’t say no to me when I went over there, which is most definitely not a first.
“You just go and fuck her when you feel like it then?” He pauses for a second. “And she lets you?”
I want to be angry at him for the way he refers to whatever is going on between me and Mona, but then I remember how protective he’s always been of her.
In fact, out of all of our friends, Kyle has always been the most outspoken one in his disapproval of how he thought I was treating her.
We almost got into a fist fight over it once.
I didn’t understand it then, but I do now.
“I took her a piece of chocolate cake,” I start.
“Ah!” He sounds all-knowing like. “To replace the one you ate?”
I chuckle at how confident he sounds about it. “Yeah, I wanted to make it up to her.”
“And was she impressed by your thoughtfulness?”
I let out a long sigh. “Yeah, she was impressed.”
“As am I,” Kyle informs me. “I can’t believe you paid that much money for a piece of cake. Twice!”
“Same here,” I mumble.
I walk over to the couch and drop in my regular seat, resting my head against the back. I stare at the ceiling for the longest time, not even sure why I called Kyle. Sharing my problems with him feels weird, and I changed my mind. Unloading on my friend won’t help with anything.
“I didn’t know the restaurant would be open this late into the night,” Kyle says when it’s obvious that I won’t speak.
“Why would they be open this late?” I ask. “Only bars and clubs are open late.”
“Hmm…” He slurps loudly on his drink. “So how come you’re calling me this late?”
“Because I just got home from Mona’s.”
“So, you went there earlier then? When the restaurant was still open?” All he needs is to shine a bright lightbulb in my face with the way he interrogates me. “And you stayed there until this hour?”
“We had sex, asshole, and you know it.”
He slurps again on his drink. “Did she like the chocolate cake, then?”
My eyes glaze over as I remember the way she spread the frosting all over my cock, then licked me clean. She more than liked it, just not the person who brought it to her.
Kyle sighs in my ear. “So other than sex, nothing more came out of you going to see her tonight,” he concludes.
I lean forward and rest my elbows on the knees, suddenly sick to my stomach. I’ve always had such a clear vision of the path my life would be on. Mona threw a wrench in it, to the point where I feel like nothing matters unless I have her, too.
“I don’t know why everything is so fucked up, man,” I admit to my friend. “I can’t think, I can’t sleep, and my whole routine is a cluster fuck.”
Being the ultimate creature of habit, this last part truly kills me.
“Nah, dude, it’s not everything.” Amusement laces Kyle’s tone. “It’s you that’s fucked up. And I get it,” he rushes to say just as I am about to snap at him. “Now that you shared what your parents put you through, I understand why you are the way that you are. But…”
“It’s not my parents.” I sound cold and like I am talking to a stranger, not to my best friend. “It was my mother who put me and my father through hell.”
“Yeah, well…” Kyle snorts before taking another sip of his drink. The sound of him slurping grates on my nerves. “Your father didn’t do you any favors either.”
I frown in confusion. “My father did everything for me. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for him.”
“You got a great education, and you didn’t want for anything,” Kyle agrees. “But he also programmed you to hate women.”
“Hate women?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you don’t trust the fact that not all women are as bad as your mother was to you and your father. He made sure to instill in you the belief that none of them can be trusted. Look at how you treated Zara when you first met her, man,” he bags. “You thought she was trash, and…”
My jaw tenses up as I clench my teeth, the pressure painful at all the pressure points.
“I never said Zara was trash.”
“You thought she was after my money. And even if she was,” he chuckles. “What business of yours was it? It’s my money.”
My mouth drops open in shock. “But what if I was right and she was just using you for money? Why wouldn’t you want your friends to warn you off her?”
“You’re the only friend who thought that!” He raises his voice at me, frustration now obvious in his tone. “And you’re deflecting now only because you don’t wanna deal with the fact that your father was wrong for raising you with the belief that you shouldn’t ever let a woman close to you.”
“My father,” I start.
“Your father lost the plot because he ended up with a money hungry bitch. And he drilled into your head that you shouldn’t trust anyone of the opposite sex. Where does that leave you then?”
I have no idea what he’s asking me. “What do you mean?”
“Where does that leave you?” he repeats. “You just want to be alone for the rest of your life? Maybe start paying for sex whenever you feel like fucking until you can’t get it up anymore? What is the plan here?”
I pull at my hair, understanding what he’s saying. I will end up alone and miserable, regretting every single decision I made in my life. They all have a partner to share everything with, and they seem to be happy. It’s a feeling that I just can’t grasp.
“Mark my words, brother.” Kyle’s voice penetrates through the fog shrouding my brain. “Mona will end up meeting someone who will truly appreciate her for who she is and not just because she gives good head.”
I see red, and if he was in front of me, I’d punch his lights out.
“Not that I know what kind of head she gives,” Kyle rushes to say as if he can read my thoughts. “But there will come a time when she decides that it’s time to let go of you because she will understand what it means to be loved and appreciated by someone else.”
Bile rises to the back of my throat the more he speaks.
I put set the phone down and try to focus on my breathing.
I haven’t thrown up since I was in college and drank too much.
Kyle’s words have the same effect on me right now.
I am sick to my stomach at the thought of Mona moving on with anyone other than me.
“You okay over there, man?” Kyle’s voice comes to me like in a dream. Actually, it’s more like a nightmare, especially with the scenario he created out of thin air.
I pick the phone back up. “I don’t know what to do.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own.
“I’ll help you.” Kyle sounds almost too eager for comfort. “But if you end up being an ass to her again, I will never speak to you again.”
I roll my eyes at how dramatic he sounds.
“Okay, I’ll speak to you again, but I’ll definitely enjoy seeing you miserable.”
I try to laugh, but it’s a hollow sound. There’s a bitter taste in my mouth, and I suddenly feel very tired.
“Make sure you have a solid plan,” I retort. “Help me not fuck up. You’re the brains of this operation.”
“That’s a lot of responsibility,” he declares. “But I am up for the challenge.”
“Kyle?” Zara’s voice suddenly comes over the line. “Who are you talking to this late?”
“Alex called. He’s having woman problems, so he called me for advice. Did I wake you? I got a little carried away and was loud. I’m sorry…”
He puts the phone away, and while I can still hear them, the sound is now muffled. It is obvious though that they’re having a moment, and I feel guilty for being a witness to it.
I disconnect the call and put the phone down, knowing that Kyle won’t even notice that I hung up. He is so in love with Zara that a train could run through the other side of his house, and he wouldn’t know it while she was in his arms.
I don’t understand that level of obsession with a woman.
Women are the devil, son, my father used to say on repeat. Don’t ever let one lead you by the balls like your mother did to me.
While his message is still on a constant feed in my head, I now have my friend’s assessment of the situation as well.
He programmed you to hate women, Kyle said of my father.
I feel conflicted, unsure of whose judgement to trust more.
Besides, there’s another realization that hits me from out of nowhere.
I am just as obsessed with Mona as I consider Kyle to be with Zara.
The only difference between us is that he embraces it while I continue to fight with the mere thought that I couldn’t live without the woman who occupies my every thought.